"I suppose Macrinus has told you?" I began,and he nodded, but I saw the puzzlement and knew what wascoming.
"Yes, he did. But that's all he said. So Isuppose I should ask you. Why?"
Why indeed? I wondered. Having caught aglimpse of Valeria in my nephew, and more importantly my heir, whywas I changing a practice that I had begun when he showed up in mytent as a green young tiro from the 14th Legionwho had disobeyed his mother's demand that he not enlist? Eversince Gaius came into my life, I had taken steps to at the veryleast minimize the dangers that he faced, despite knowing there wasno way to completely mitigate the risk. Being a Legionary of Romeis a dangerous profession, even for the most unambitious ofGregarii, and Gaius was anything but that. Like me, he had aburning desire to be the best Legionary he could be, and althoughhe had not been born with my physical gifts; he had close to theheight but not the bulk or strength, he had shown me that he waswilling to do the work necessary to be more than just a ranker. Iam not blind to the fact that being my nephew had its advantages inthat regard. At least, that is, until recently, and I will not denythis played a part in my decision. Unlike other similar situations,where I had done what I could to keep Gaius from facing thegreatest risk, this was the favor I asked of Macrinus. Although hewas still in the Seventh Cohort, Gaius was going to be theCenturion commanding the lead Century into the breach. If all wentwell, he would be in a position to win his first coronamurales that we award to the first Legionary over, or throughas it were, the wall of an enemy city. Now that Aderbal had seenfit to take our standard, we did not need a declaration of war bythe Senate to authorize them as hostile; only if the men of theSenate decided that what we were about to do was insufficientpunishment would they go through with a formal declaration.Frankly, what happened to Naissus and the Moesians after this nightdid not matter to me. What did matter was what I explained toGaius.
"You know I'm in trouble," I told himquietly. "And I don't know how matters will turn out. But if thingsdo go as badly as they possibly could, anyone associated with memight be tainted."
Gaius stared at me, the disbelief andanguish written plainly on his face. Like me, he has never beenable to keep his emotions from showing in his expression, and thiswas the first time I had been so blunt in my assessment. Up to thatpoint, what little we had talked about it, I had downplayed thelikelihood of an outcome that could do permanent damage. Part of myreason for bringing it up at this moment was down to the fact thatI had been afforded time to think about my situation, now that theinitial shock of opening that scroll had worn off. As most of myfriends, Scribonius in particular, will attest, I have a widestreak of pessimism in my nature, which I suppose stems from mycontinuing sensitivity to my lack of education and low birth. Evenat that moment outside Naissus, in my late fifties, despitespending the last several years in a position that put me inconstant contact with the upper classes of Roman society, I wasstill acutely aware of my shortcomings, at least as viewed by menlike Marcus Primus. No achievements that I could earn through myright arm would ever overcome the limitations imposed on me bybirth and education, and while that is the reality of our society,it still rankles. By reversing my usual practice, and actuallyputting Gaius in a position whereby he could earn himselfaccolades, albeit at great risk, I was trying to provide him withsome insulation from the consequences of my probable fall.
Continuing, I told Gaius, "But if you havesomething on your record, especially so recently, it will beimpossible for anyone to say that you're only in the Centurionateby favor."
Even in the guttering light, I saw his facedarken, and I was struck by the thought that I was not the only onewith insecurities.
"I'll put my record up against anyone inthis army," he said hotly. "I know that being your nephew hasn'thurt my career, but it's been as much of a burden as anything else!I know that every time a new Legate and bunch of Tribunes show up,I have to prove myself all over again!"
I sat back, slightly stunned. Although Gaiushad voiced some of this before, he had never gone on to this extentbefore, and it gave me insight into just how much it botheredhim.
"I know that, Gaius," I tried to placatehim. "Macrinus knows that, and so too does Glaxus." I named thePilus Prior of the Seventh Cohort, who had replaced Palma when hemoved up a grade. "You've earned your way to the rank of PilusPosterior; nobody who knows anything disputes that. But this," Ileaned toward him to grab his arm so I could impart to him myfeelings in some way, "is different. This is just a way to makesure that you're not part of the damage that might happen to me andmy career." He searched my face, but I was being completely honestwith him. "This is the only way I can help you at this point," Ifinished, and I think that was what ate away at me more thananything else, that the only way I could offer my nephew and heirsupport was by putting him in greater danger.
For a moment, neither of us said a word,then he gave a small sigh and a shrug.
"Well, I have always wanted a chanceat a corona murales." He grinned at me, and I saw the flashof the boyish enthusiasm that I had first witnessed on his father'sfarm so many years before. "But Iras is going to kill me. If theMoesians don't do it first."
"Speaking of that, if you do survive, donot tell Iras that it was my idea. She already tried to killme once," I joked.
