Stopping just out of my reach, he blurtedout, “Bronwen deserves better from you!”
While I had expected her to be the subject,I was not as sure about his meaning.
“How so?” I asked, truly curious. “Howam I treating her unkindly?”
“Because she knows that you’re goingto leave her in Arelate,” he shot back, “but you don’t have thecourage to tell her that!”
I felt a stirring of anger at hisaccusation, which I suppose was why I countered, “Why do you care?Don’t tell me that if she stayed in Arelate, you wouldn’t behappy.”
I doubt his face would have colored thatdeeply or that quickly if I had slapped him across both cheeks, butin that moment, Gaius Gallienus Pullus stood up to me, showing bothhis courage, and that he truly loved Bronwen.
“That’s true,” he acknowledged. “But,”I saw the bulge of his throat bob up and down as he had to swallowhis pride, “that’s not what she wants, Gnaeus. And I just want herto be happy. Don’t you?”
He asked this challengingly, but now it wasmy turn to be wounded.
“Of course I do,” I assured him. Westood there, staring at each other, but I am the one who crumbledfirst, and I had to turn away from my young cousin as I moaned,“I’m such a fucking idiot.”
“Yes,” he agreed quickly, “youare.”
I whirled around, but I was alreadylaughing, both at the way in which he had said it and the relief onhis face at my reaction. Without thinking, I reached out andgrabbed him, not to hit him but to hug him.
“That took courage, Gaius,” I told himseriously. “And,” I added sincerely, “thank you for being willingto tell me the truth.”
He pretended not to be, but I could see howdeeply pleased he was, and I gave him a playful shove as I walkedpast him to the ladder.
When he asked where I was going, I repliedwith a grimace that was only partially feigned, “I’m going to goface my flogging.”
I met both Alex and Septimus as I made myway to the rear ladder; the manner in which they avoided my gazetold me that they not only had known what Gaius had come to do, butthat it was time to vacate the cabin. Alex did glance at me, andall I could offer was a wry smile that he interpreted correctly. Ihad to pause for a moment to collect my thoughts before I knockedon the door, for some reason choosing to wait for Bronwen to bidwhoever was knocking to enter, whereas I usually knocked thenopened the door, the habit of a Centurion entering a section hut.She did not seem surprised when she saw that it was me, and I felther eyes on me as I sat down in the chair on the opposite side ofthe small table.
After taking a breath, I began, “I’ve been afool, Bronwen, and I want to apologize for that.” Honestly, I wasprepared for her to instantly accept it, yet she chose instead toremain silent, her eyes locked on mine with an expression I couldnot read, and I felt the trickle of sweat on my temple as I triedto think of what to say next. In the end, I decided on brutalhonesty. “It’s just that I didn’t think you would be willing totravel all the way to Ubiorum with me, that you’d be ready toreturn home, to your father and to your people.”
This caused a change, her eyes softeningslightly.
“You did not think I wanted to go toUbiorum with you?” she asked, frowning at me. “Truly? That is whyyou have been so distant with me?”
“Yes.” I almost shouted this. “That’sthe only reason, meum mel. Ithought that as much as you’ve talked about your father, that youwere missing him so much, you wanted to go back toBritannia.”
She did not smile, exactly, but the cornersof her mouth lifted slightly as she chided me, “Of course I miss myfather, Gnaeus. But,” she shook her head, “I do not miss him morethan I love you. I,” she reached out and placed her hands overmine, “will go wherever you want me to go, Gnaeus Pullus.”
It is impossible for me to describe the rushof emotion that assaulted me; relief, certainly, but that feelinglasted for perhaps the span of a heartbeat before it was washedaway by the dread of telling her the complete and unvarnished truthabout the possible outcomes awaiting me. Still, the thought that Iwould not face the consequences of my absence alone helped.
“Then I need to tell you everythingthat I might be facing when we get to Ubiorum,” I said.
By the time I was through, I was happy thatshe had not changed her mind, but she was clearly troubled, and wesat there in silence for a long stretch of time.
Finally, she said, “Whatever happens, wewill face it together. Now,” she stood up, and smiled for the firsttime as she held out her hand, “I think perhaps you should lock thedoor to our cabin.”
As the Persephone slid up the Rhodanus, it was quite adifferent sight because now there was snow on the ground, althoughthere were no chunks of ice like there are on the
