“You know you don’t need to go tomorrow,” she said. “We can just leave and go somewhere safe. Anywhere. Pattaya? The Maldives? How about Narnia?”
His face melted into a grin.
“Narnia?” he asked.
“Hey, look. He smiles,” she said.
His face filled up with a warm flush.
“And he blushes too! Where is my camera?”
The two of them began chuckling in unison, and Frederich felt himself slowly relax.
“So,” she said, putting the computer away. “By now you know about me. What’s your story? I think I know more about The League than I know about you. And that’s saying something!”
“I told you about me,” he shot back.
“You told me about your secret ninja training with Kraas. What else?”
“Ninja training?” he said, laughing out loud.
“You know what I mean. Tell me about the real Frederich,” she said, poking a finger into his belly.
“Ok. Well, yes, I grew up in Tartu, and I did ninja training. Then I moved to Tallinn when I was 19.”
“Why did you move?”
“Kraas made me go. He said I needed to live in the real world.”
“What did you do there?”
“I worked as a trainer at a mixed martial arts dojo and basically lived at the library in my spare time. I like history and philosophy. I also trained most days to stay in shape. I spent the rest of my time at parties with friends. Nothing special, really.”
“I can’t imagine you partying,” she said.
“With the right people, I enjoy it,” he said.
“And you left Tallinn recently?”
“Yes,” he replied, sensing the conversation heading into darker territory.
“How come?”
He went stiff. Ida noticed the sudden shift and placed her hand over his. He flinched. The light conversation and her touch had melted his defences, leaving him feeling exposed and uncertain.
“You don’t have to say if you don’t want to.”
He did want to. He was unsure how. Her eyes welcomed him to try.
“It’s fine. Kraas died before I left.”
Her mouth fell open.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Frederich. Why didn’t you say something before?”
“I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t ready to talk about it. It hit me kind of hard, and I haven’t found a way to see past it yet.”
“Is that why you were crying the other night?”
Frederich flinched again.
“You heard me?”
“Yes. I’m sorry, I should have come to you. I just couldn’t.”
“It’s ok. I didn’t really want company.”
“How did he die?”
“He had a stroke, and I was in Tallinn partying when it happened.”
“That’s terrible,” she said.
“Yeah. He was my family. We did everything together.” Frederich thought of himself, scrawny and little, walking alongside the broad-shouldered Kraas in the forest, barely able to keep up. “He taught me a lot. How to think under pressure, how to fight, how to take control of any situation. He taught me to be a survivor. I was never afraid, even when I was in Tallinn alone. As long as Kraas was close by, I felt like everything would be fine. Then one day he was gone, just like that. And now — well, I don’t know what to feel. Everything’s dark.”
Ida gave a sombre nod, her sad eyes holding Frederich’s gaze. The room fell silent. She created the space to talk, and Frederich had poured his sorrow into it. He felt intense relief. It was the first time he had spoken his feelings about Kraas’ death out loud.
“So to answer your question, I ran away. I left Tallinn because I didn’t want to be there anymore.”
“Do you think you’ll go back?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. It dawned on him that the recent events had sent him on a path which might keep him from ever returning to his old life.
“And you? What led you to a man like Khartoum?” he asked.
“Oh,” she said, suddenly releasing Frederich’s hand and straightening up. “I wish I knew. I still haven’t made sense of everything. I’ve been too stressed to think about it. I keep picturing men with guns breaking through the front door.”
“When did you get to Berlin?” Frederich asked helpfully.
“Only recently.”
“You said you were travelling with a friend?”
“Yes. Pia. I was backpacking alone before that.”
“Wow. What made you want to do that?”
“That’s a long story,” she said.
“We have time,” he replied.
“Alright. Well, I had been living in New York doing marketing. It was ok, but I felt stuck. I was doing what I thought I should be doing, not what I loved. Like most people, I guess.”
“What do you want to do?”
“My dream is to run a fashion company which promotes beauty and strength. My mother loves María Félix, the Mexican actress, and we used to watch her movies together when I was younger. Do you know her?”
Frederich shook his head.
“Well, she was the Marilyn Monroe of Latin America. So beautiful. She usually played a strong, femme fatale type character. All the famous artists loved her; even Diego Rivera was obsessed. There’s this photo of them together, and he’s gazing at her like a little boy, and she’s just looking away like he doesn’t exist. She had this presence and wonderful sense of style. She inspired me to want to get into fashion. So anyway, I figured it was now or never. If I wanted to have a chance, I needed to leave my comfort zone and start growing. But first I wanted to see the world. So I quit my job and decided to go backpacking for a year. It was like a dream. I loved it. I spent the first few months in Southeast Asia, then I met Pia when I was in Jerusalem. She was travelling alone too, so we teamed up. We went to Istanbul together, then we came to Europe.
“We loved Berlin. The parties, the vibe, everything. So we stayed. We rented a room in Neukölln. But Berlin can be so dirty and dark. We felt like dressing up for once and getting away from the grungy part of the city,
