The policeman pulled up level in the opposite lane. Without warning, he steered toward Frederich’s car. Frederich reacted quickly, jerking his wheel to get out of the way, half of his car going onto the dirt. He veered back onto the road, wondering if he should make an exception for his no killing cops rule. He looked through the police car’s window and saw the policeman furiously yelling in his direction. The guy was unhinged. It was time to get creative. Frederich slammed the brakes and turned the wheel at the same time. The movies had made it look easy. In Frederich’s case he spun terribly out of control onto the grass, his car coming close to tipping over. His heart was revving as quickly as the engine.
He took a deep breath and slammed the accelerator again. He was already on the grass, so he continued off-road. His wheels spun in place before his car jerked forward. All he saw at first in the rearview mirror was mud flying in the air, before the police car appeared again and followed him onto the field. To his right was a long fence with a herd of cows on the other side, to his left was a forest in the far distance. He went left. What’s the plan? He had opened up another gap, which meant he had a short time window to get himself into position. He pulled up with his car parallel to the forest and the driver’s side facing the trees. He grasped his pistol and forced the door open, flicked off the safety and pointed the gun in the direction of the approaching police car. No more games. This guy was going to learn to behave himself, or he was going to get a bullet in the skull.
The police car pulled up twenty feet away. Frederich waited. His engine crackled from the heat, his breath was shallow and quick. There was no sign of movement ahead. The glare of the sun on the police car’s windshield blocked Frederich’s sight. After a long pause, the driver’s door flung open. The policeman got out and emerged into the open, pointing his pistol forward with both hands. Brave man. He was small-statured with straight posture you only see in the military or the police.
“Put the gun down, you bastard!” he screamed.
Frederich knew that if he was going to shoot, he had best do it immediately. He tightened his finger around the trigger.
“Do you know what you did!?” screamed the policeman. His face was flushed bright red, his eyes forced unnaturally open. Frederich could see the whites from where he was. “There were children there! What kind of animal are you?”
A wave of lightheadedness hit Frederich and spun his head backwards. His grip around the pistol began to loosen involuntarily. Children? He remembered the woman who entered the building with her two boys. He had barely given them a second thought. Had they seen something?
“You call yourselves honourable?” the policeman continued. “Is that what justice looks like?”
Frederich’s mind turned blank. He hesitated for a long time while the pistol grew heavy in his hand. Finally, he let it go, leaving it on the roof and emerging from behind the car empty-handed. The policeman ran forward quickly and pressed the barrel of his gun against Frederich’s chest. Frederich could feel the policeman’s hands shaking with fury. He kept his arms at his side and remained calm. Too calm. He felt something leave him, and in its place the shadow descended on him like a thick fog.
“What about the children?” he said.
The policeman hesitated.
“What happened after I left?” said Frederich.
“The tear gas,” said the policeman. “The family on the floor above believed it was a fire. They ran down the stairs. To escape. They saw…” The policeman faltered. His lips began trembling, his eyes filled with tears. His arms were shaking uncontrollably.
Frederich did not need to hear the rest. He pushed his chest into the barrel of the gun and looked directly into the policeman’s eyes.
“Shoot,” he said. “End this now.”
The policeman’s eyes opened wider still, his mouth falling completely open. He looked as though he were staring directly into the gates of hell, witnessing a sight so horrible that he could not possibly fathom it. It was not hell, thought Frederich, but it was close.
“Pull the trigger,” said Frederich. “You have to.”
He closed his eyes and waited, focussed into the abyss and asked it to welcome him in. It was as good a time as any. He did not want to know anything more about what the policeman had experienced, or what those young boys had seen. Whatever happened, it was horrific, and he had caused it. He deserved this.
The barrel fell off his chest. He heard a sob, followed by a long silence, then another sob. He opened his eyes. The policeman was crouched down on the ground, the gun held limp at his side while he cried into the ground. He let out a long groan, then began screaming, lifting his head to the sky with his voice booming across the field. Frederich watched on, not knowing what to do. The policeman’s sobbing eventually settled into a soft whimper
