“Welcome to Cóis Dara,” Orin said with pride. “It means ‘the house beside the oak tree’.” Orin pulled out the pink monstrosity of my suitcase. “Let’s go in, shall we?”
Already spellbound, I followed Orin into the mansion. One glance of the inside made me recalibrate my real estate ad definition of ‘spacious.’ Most of the furniture was draped in sheets and a thin layer of dust sullied the impact. The contrast between the inside and the outside begged a question. “Orin, who has been taking care of this place? Or at least, keeping the outside prettied up?”
“My brother and I own a general contracting company,” Orin explained. “We take care of the estate as a way to pay Edna back for all she’s done for us. Least we could do.” His imposing form filled the doorway. “How about I take you on the nickel tour?”
I followed behind Orin, feeling like a lost puppy, which did give me a confirmation view about that hot butt of his. The place wasn’t exceptionally hard to navigate, but boy, were there ever a lot of rooms.. How long it would take me to fuck Mr. Hunk in every single room? I thought as we walked past door after door. Orin named each room as we went. Antechambers, drawing rooms, powder rooms, two dens, a parlor, a sitting room, a mudroom, a ballroom, a cloakroom, kitchen, back kitchen, pantry, butler’s pantry, breakfast room, dining room, formal dining room, living room, bar room, library, conservatory, reception hall, and probably a couple of airplane hangars. That was just the first floor! I was not sure I’d have the energy to climb the stairs (grand, sweeping, wide, circular, and double-sided, of course), and start on the next two floors.
Expensive artwork adorned the walls; ancestral portraits, placid lakes, verdant landscapes, hounds at the hunt, stormy seas, a battle or two, birds studies, wildlife, and a butt load of nymphs, cherubs, deities of every ilk, and a few naked ladies in artful repose.
As for the furnishings? Solid oak desks and bureaus, davenports and sofas, lounges, couches, armchairs, footstools, sideboards and cupboards and whatever the fuck is a credenza? Had a few of them, I’m sure.
And oh so many books. Floor to high ceiling in the library, with its rolling ladders on tracks. Books on desks, on coffee tables, shelves, bookcases, reading tables–everywhere. Slowly, I realized the history of the house and the beauty that was once here, everything was coordinated and the furniture was of sophisticated designs, highly finished but yet remarkably practical.
Going from the tiny bungalow I shared with Katie, to all the space of the Metropolitan Museum was overwhelming. Speaking of that tiny bungalow, a pressing question occurred. In fact, it hit me like a falling anvil.
“This place is pretty amazing and all, but…” How to put this subtly? “What the fuck does it cost to keep this sumbitch running?”
“Why do you ask?” Orin furrowed his brow.
“Like, I just finished school? I have no clue how I’d ever pay for all the light bulbs in this palace, let alone the electric bill to turn them on.”
“Now, don’t crack on, love,” he said, but I talked right over him.
“Even if I was lucky enough to get a job tomorrow? Like, beyond the water bill, the gas bill, and an occasional splurge on gruel…? I mean, shit fire and save matches, W. T. F.?” I set my mind on auto-boggled, as the laundry list of maintenance costs built up and crashed into an untidy pile in my brain.
Orin made a gentle sssh noise at me. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll get this all settled, you just cop on.” Probably not intended as condescending as it came out, but…
“What do you mean, ‘don’t worry about it’?!” I snapped. “That’s the first thing to worry about in a new place!”
“It’s not a problem. Wait until you chat with the lawyer. Once the two of you get some cheese on your chin, you’ll figure out what’s going on.”
“Right, him. The double-talking dweeb who couldn’t bother to pick me up at the airport.” Before he could answer I blurted “This just sucks, okay? I told you I don’t do cryptic bullshit so well.”
“Sorry. You’ll have to wade through the brown trouts a bit longer. But I’m dead certain things will clear up soon enough. Talking before that is just biscuits to a bear,” Orin said. A premium grade cop-out in my opinion.
“Fine, whatever.” We eventually circled back to the main-front-entry-room-foyer-vestibule-lobby-atrium-twenty-four-hour-drive-through-whatever-the-fuck you call this hockey rink-size area by the front door. Thus concluding our tour of the first floor. “So, that’s it, huh? Not that I’m not impressed or anything, but... holy shit.”
“I’d show you upstairs, but I have to leg it.” Orin edged away from the volcano before I erupted again. “It’s a lot to take in, so I’ll leave you get settled for now.”
“Wait, wait, wait, you’re not getting away so fast!” I reached out to tap Orin’s shoulder, but I ended up grabbing onto his shirt. A brief but very warm contact, and I couldn’t hide a lopsided grin. If only I’d pulled a bit harder for a bit longer.
Orin’s easy smile said having his clothes ripped off by over-excited females was the most natural occurrence in the world. “What is it, Princess?” His tone was gently teasing, enough to provoke, but not to irritate.
“Unless you were just my chauffeur, I’d like to get hold of you— I, uh, mean like
