“Seriously. Listen to me, Katherine Penelope Gallagher.”
The middle name always works. “Okay, okay, you’ve got my attention.”
“Well, first, the lawyer didn’t pick me up. Instead, he sent some hulking lumberjack hunk to meet me, right?
“Hulking as in The Rock, or hulking like Shrek?”
“Built like a brick shithouse, as in tall, cute, and packing a ton of muscle.”
Katie just had to cut in. “Oh, yeah? Sounds like Ireland’s the bomb already. Maybe I should have gone with you.”
“Girl, he’s just one. Got a twin brother, too.”
“Sandwich time, sister.”
I wished Katie could see my glare through the phone. “Anyway, I’m shacked up in this humongous estate. And it’s all paid out of my inheritance—
“Awesome! How much are you getting?”
“Well...” I dissembled, “about all that...”
I began filling her in on the particulars; the small fortune, the hunky twin brother, the murky family intrigue, the lawyer’s vague warning. All of it. And then, one particular particular... the clinker.
“The only way I can get my inheritance - the money, the mansion, all of it...” Bracing for the blowback, I spit it out. “If I want it – I have to stay here in Ireland till I’m twenty-five.”
“Wait, what?” The carefree tone dropped like a brick out of Katie’s voice.
“Yeah. If I leave, I forfeit everything.”
“You’ve got to be shitting me.”
“Nope. And I quote ‘ … In the event that Keira Morrigan does not stay in Westhaven and decides to leave she forfeits all rights to the Morrigan Legacy…’ end quote.” I sucked in a breath and braced for impact.
“Whoah. Did you just say ‘legacy’, your majesty?”
“I’m just quoting what it said. Don’t get all woke, and come after me with torches and pitchforks.”
“Okay, okay, but... you’ve got to be shitting me!” Katie repeated. “What happened to camping and partying with me? I need serious debauchery before I buckle down to grad school!”
“I was really looking forward to that, but—”
“This Irish crap was gonna be a few weeks at most, not, like, a year!”
“I’m sorry, I really am.” I tried to sound sympathetic to Katie’s outburst, but I had a feeling my tone came out irritable. “But I can’t just pass this up to sleep in the woods and dance on tables. I know it sounds really shitty, like I’m valuing money over your friendship, but I...” Then, it became clear to me – I realized what I had to do, and why I had to do it. “Katie, all my life I had nobody to call ‘family’. No idea who I was, where I came from. It was just a black hole.”
She seemed to hear me. “I know, sweetie. I know.”
“And here I am, right in the middle of... I don’t know, it’s a lot more than just a long-lost relative. This is a whole big deal, a family history thing? It’s like, I don’t know, like I have a responsibility to honor this... thing, whatever it is. Does that sound crazy? It does, I know, but...”
“Nah, I get it. I know what you went through growing up.” Katie sighed with a loving tone, and I was reminded that she didn’t actually have a selfish bone in her body. “I see how much all this means to you, and I can’t blame you, Cupcake.”
“Really?”
“Shit, girl. You’re my biffle, no matter what. Whatever it takes on my end to support you? You know I’m good for it.”
I felt so much relief, and so frustrated that I couldn’t throw my arms around Katie.
“It just sucks, man, you know?”
“I know. I hate to ditch you.”
“Well, I hate it too. I was looking forward to camping or glamping or whatever you were game for.” Katie sighed so directly into the phone that it hissed like static. “Look, I know you’ll be fine over there. You can handle yourself. Besides, you’ve got the Sexy Twins to keep you company. I mean the hunky dudes, not those Sexy Twins on your chest.”
“Oh brother,” I groaned. “Thanks, Katie. I wish I could be there with you.”
“No, it’s cool. There’s a lot going through your head.”
“No shit.”
“It’s okay. Really.” Katie tried to emphasize my reprieve. “Look, how about this. You go out, get a drink, loosen up, chill a bit. Maybe get to know Kennedee and Kennedumb a bit better, and I’ll get a drink or three over here. We’ll drink together in absentia. ‘A toast to the Lady of the Manor!’ How’s that sound?”
“Yeah, that sounds great,” I told her, my mind easing.
“So let’s do it, girl. Partaaaaaay!”
I smile, and repeat our standing rule: “Pictures, or it didn’t happen.”
“Totally! Go get it, girl. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Thanks, Katie. You’re the best.”
I was reluctant to let my friend go, but I knew I had to hang up and do something with myself. I dropped my head back and stared at the ceiling. I was exhausted, emotionally drained after the events of today. But I thought about Katie, and decided I had to rally. Time to let my hair down and tour Westhaven’s best dives. After all, it looked like I was going to be here for a while, and who knows? Maybe I’d get lucky.
Not at the End of the Rainbow
- Keegan -
I must have turned over every stray object in my house while I foostered about for my keys. I finally caved in, admitting to meself, I’ll never find my keys unless I use my locator charm. Now... where the fuck is it? I opened my drawer full of special charms.
Buttons? No.
Lucky rabbit’s foot? Not tonight.
Amulet? Eh, doesn’t quite go with my outfit.
Talismans? No, no, and no.
How the hell did I misplace my bloody locator charm? At this rate we’d never leave the house.
I need a locator charm to locate my goddamn lost locator charm, to locate my keys! Then it hit me. The one stray object in me whole gaff I hadn’t
