“That’s bullshit.”
“I assure you, I’m not taking the piss at you young lady. I’m sorry to say, but it’s the Gospel. I’m contacting you per her dying wishes,” the man explained, although with each explanation I became more and more confused.
“For what, exactly?”
“To inform you of her death. You see, it’s you that Edna named in her will. Requested you to come settle the estate.”
“Estate? What, like a yard sale? No thanks,” I responded, rolling my eyes.
“Well, there’s quite a bit to it, you see. The property, the furnishings, the money... The residence, too, of course.”
“What ‘residence’?”
“Oh, ‘tis quite the lovely gaff she had. Ol’ place has been in your family for donkey’s years,” the man’s voice said, with all the pep of an old Irishman.
“I haven’t been a part of any fucking family. Not in my whole life,” I tell him, ignoring the twinge of regret reminding me that it was true.
“Sure, and I won’t be codding you about that. Though it’s well outside the pale for you, surely. I’ve taken the liberty of making your flight arrangements already.”
“Wait, flight what?!” I exclaimed. “Where the hell is this place?”
“Ireland, of course! You’ll be flying out in a few days. I’ll email your flight itinerary soon.”
“Wha… um… okay?” I was too befuddled to be coherent. It sounded like the universe just decided my summer plans for me. I mean shit, free plane tickets?
“I guess I’ll… see you then,” I said, which ended up sounding more like a question than a confirmation.
“Ah, brilliant. I must leg it for now, Miss. That’s all I can say over the phone. The details we’ll be discussing in person,” the man said. “We’ll see you in a few days.”
“Yeah, okay. Bye.” I hung up the phone and stared, realizing immediately that I was still dumbfounded that the pink phone was a landline. My thoughts raced through my head. How did this man have my phone number? Or my email address?
Katie spared me the trouble of waking her up. I realized, in fact, that the call was not a dream. She rolled off the couch with a hard thump, cursing, moaning, and making a slurpy noise indicating she probably drooled a little bit too.
“Dude? What’s the fucking racket about?” Anytime Katie dropped an f-bomb in a question, I always knew she expected an answer.
“I don’t believe what just happened.” I was still staring at the phone with a gaping mouth. “Some man called on the house phone. He claims I had a grandmother in Ireland who just died. He wants to fly me out to some old bog pit to settle her ‘estate’. A house, money... he says it’s according to her ‘dying wishes.’ He’s even sending me plane tickets. I don’t know what to think.”
“Wait, wait,” Katie responded, looking amazed. “We have a house phone?”
My jaw fell to the floor. “Are you serious? Girlfriend, I just found out that I have a grandmother, WHO IS DEAD, in case you missed that part, and I’m going to settle her estate in Ireland. And all you pick up on is the fact that we have a house phone?” Though to be honest, I too was still in awe of the landline.
Katie adjusted her now sideways shirt, and as she stood up, her sleepy eyes came to life, and I could see her genuine concern.
“Actually? That sounds pretty cool. You’ve always wondered about your family, right?” she asks gently, with no f-bomb following her question.
“Yeah, but... mostly about why the hell they all left me behind to be chewed up by the foster system,” I grumbled back.
“Think of it as an adventure, my dear Frodo.”
“This is either a really messed up dream, or I’m still really drunk.”
“Wait... You’re not making this shit up, are you?” Katie got the look that drunks have when they realize the bottle they are drinking has been empty since the night before. “Are you just trying to duck out on camping with me?”
And in that moment, I remembered this summer, and all the plans we made to spend it together. The thing about this summer, and camping, and why it meant so much to Katie was because the brainiac had gotten accepted to grad school. M. I. T. no less, for her Masters in abstract algebra (don’t ask, I have no idea what that is). So this was our last real summer together, after a lifetime of growing up together, and she’s been planning a summer blow out like spring break on steroids.
“I fucking wish,” I told her, and I meant it. But fly to Ireland? I thought. This is nuts. “I feel like I’m going to vomit,” I said aloud, not sure if the words were in my head or in my mouth.
“Need help to the bathroom?” Katie joked as she grabbed a wastebasket and set it next to me.
“Forget the bathroom. Just help me get through the next five minutes.”
“Easy, Cupcake. It’s gonna be okay.” Katie patted my back softly.
“How do you know?”
She shrugged. But I knew that didn’t mean she wasn’t right. I had to admit, Katie has always had an uncanny knack for seeing the logical outcome of damn near everything. Must be the math, I thought. What else could it be?
“Maybe it’ll turn out to be a good thing,” Katie smiled. “You might even find some answers to stuff you’ve been wondering all your life.” Katie, she was still my best friend first. I took her hand.
“Thanks...”
“Please. Don’t get all sappy. Let’s get you to bed. At least you can be comfy while you process everything.”
“Done deal,” I tell her, as I again find myself stumbling, this time to my room, where I faceplant forward into my bed.
Jet Lagging
- Keira -
I sat in the boarding area staring at the plane ticket in my hands, ruminating over the recent happenings. Happenings? More like weird shit.
The ticket itself
