Not possible!
Not because Kitten isn’t pure and perfect – and sometimes balanced. She’s the counter weight to everything my power has thrown at her, always has been. And she’s so close to being what my power needs – but she’s mortal.
This kind of bond will kill her, without a doubt. It’s just not possible.
No matter how much I want it.
Teegan slips to the top of the stairs, moving with the kind of stealth that tells me she just snuck away from Pax and right past Seth. She should be riding out, and I have the sudden urge to pull rank and snap. Then snap at Pax for not making the call already. But all I do is raise my eyebrow at her – what is her game?
“I want a promise,” she says, walking up to me.
I haven’t lit the lanterns in here, and the moon doesn’t offer much light, but the sky is open, the stars are bright, and Saber eyes are well-equipped for low light. I see every seductive sway, the half-smile, the lick of her lips, all of it. She can’t help it, her and me in a room after I just sang. I’m amazed I don’t have every single Saber following the magical scent of desire.
“She’s not an Elite Saber,” she says, stopping so close her breasts press to my bare chest since my shirt’s on, but the buttons are still undone. “If you need a release, promise me you’ll find me.”
I just look at her blankly. Is this her way of finding an opening, a gap in my changed desire where she might still fit? She’s not pushing in on the magical bonds – but she still wants me in bed?
I honestly don’t understand what’s happening here.
She doesn’t move to kiss me. Doesn’t lay her hands on my chest, my ass, nothing. Just stands before me – a powerful Saber with something to say.
“Why?” I ask.
“Because I care about you. I always have. You deserve an ally, a warrior, not a child. I can’t change the way she has captured you. I can’t change what your soul wants, but maybe I can keep you from destroying it, and I can be discreet.”
My gut wrenches, twisting up in a tight ball to keep my calm, my features smooth because she just said soul not Seed – so she doesn’t know exactly what just happened out there. She doesn’t know the kind of bond that is swelling between Kitten and me.
For every part of me that wants to slap her, another part is telling me she’s right. My power is comfortable and focused on Shade right now, respecting her mortal vulnerabilities, but what if it doesn’t stay that way?
I’ve lived over a hundred thousand days, each one with Allure drawing my actions, but so far only a single day with Kitten satiating that feeling.
Or has it? Maybe it’s been more than one day?
My desires haven’t been screaming at me since we freed her from that mortal lord. Not that I noticed. I didn’t seek out Teegan the night she returned or any other moment in the stables or the castle.
Doesn’t mean it can last. Allure can’t go without satisfaction indefinitely, and I can never be with Kitten.
Never.
Teegan doesn’t wait for an answer, sashaying back to the stairs. “We’ll need escorts in the morning,” she says. “And there’s still time for those other needs as well.”
I’m frozen. I won’t. I can’t. But if my power decides to want Kitten beyond my control, then I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her safe. The depths of my own self-loathing has room for one more damnation – at least this time it will be worth it.
Killian takes sacrifice in scars on the outside, while my Seed curses me with scars on the inside.
And maybe, somewhere in this mess, I’ll find the courage to actually tell her what’s happening to us.
Teegan leaves, and I inhale deeply. An odd sense of Harmony is trying to settle my nerves, but common sense and logic demand I respect the past. My control is nothing when faced with my Seed’s power.
I turn to the lanterns and the only thing that should be important right now – something more scary to focus on. Kitten’s bubble.
The chart in chalk on the bench, beside the word ‘Rearrange’ that’s been traced over by her finger when we were alone. Blissfully alone and with eighteen steps.
The chart is too steep. Steps dropping too quickly. Angrily, I stare out at the night – night again. If it’s linked to her sleeping, she’ll lose another step in the morning. I’m torn, wanting to refuse her sleep, but I can’t. She won’t stay awake even if we try to make her – all I can do is watch and wait.
I drag out a box and start piling everything in the room that’s not essential into one corner. Clearing space to focus and get the job done.
“Bow to the bold. Those stand and hold…” I sing along softly, absently, as I work through the night.
Five Paces
I trip up the stairs, across the veranda, and into the cottage, unable to open my eyes properly or see through the pain and tears, and just hoping Seth doesn’t drag me into the wall or a piece of furniture. He closes the door with a hard thud behind us. The thing is going to fall off its hinges before we’re done here.
“What the chuck did he do that for?” I demand, blinking back the moisture and wiping my cheeks as I follow Seth into the kitchen.
The house is empty for all of two seconds before the door opens again. Roarke lets himself in, then closes the door, not even glancing at us.
“Going back to work,” he mutters, then jogs up
