“So you believe him.”
He held out his hands. “I don’t know. I think it’s dangerous to believe him at this point, because you’re right, he gave us very little actionable information. We can track down the farm. Bay City is only a few hours from here.”
I placed Merlin’s food bowl on the floor, rolling the offer through my head. “I need to think on it. I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“Okay.” He slid his arm around my waist and tugged me to him. “I know this goes against everything you believe, but it’s okay to be afraid.”
“I’m not afraid.” The response was automatic, and not entirely true.
“Of course not. You’re the queen of the world. The queen can’t show fear.”
I bit back a sigh, although it was difficult.
“It’s okay to be afraid,” he whispered, pressing me even closer. “You don’t always have to be the strongest person in the world.”
Didn’t I? I’d spent the bulk of my life alone, only worrying about myself and survival. I was unsure how things had changed so quickly.
“I’m here to help you.” Gunner stroked my hair. “Whatever happens, whatever you find, we’re going to do this together. So if you need more time, that’s what you’ll get. If you’re letting fear hold you back, though, keep in mind that I will be with you. There’s no need for you to face this alone.”
Briefly, I closed my eyes and let myself lean on him. Six months ago, I wouldn’t have even considered it. Gunner had managed to break through my defenses and give me something I didn’t even know I needed before landing in this tiny town. That something was hope.
“I want to wait,” I said, heaving out a sigh. “I’m sorry if that disappoints you.”
“You could never disappoint me,” he promised, his lips brushing against my cheek. “If you want to wait, then we’ll wait. Out of curiosity, though, why? We could be down there and back in the course of a day. I know Rooster would give us the time off.”
“I want to see if Ezekiel’s story stays the same.”
He pulled back to stare into my eyes. “You think he’s lying.”
“No.” I shook my head, adamant. “I think he might be holding something back.”
“For what purpose?”
“Maybe to test me.”
“Test you?” Gunner’s forehead wrinkled. “To what end?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he’s trying to ascertain if I’m evil or something. Maybe he knows more than he’s ready to admit but doesn’t want to put this grandfather, who is likely dead at this point, at risk. Perhaps it’s about the rest of the family.”
He opened his mouth and shut it, trouble brewing behind his eyes.
“Go ahead and tell me what you’re thinking,” I prodded. “We’ve both agreed that being truthful is the only way this relationship is going to work. If you think I’m a nut, then you need to tell me.”
“You’re a nut.” He grinned and swooped in to kiss me. “You’re my nut, though, and I’m getting used to it. Still, I am bothered by something you said.”
“Lay it on me.”
Gunner looked resigned more than anything else. “It’s a question, not a statement.”
I nodded and waited.
“Do you think you’re evil?”
The question caught me off guard. “I ... no. Why would you ask that?”
“I’m simply curious. You’ve said a few things that have given me pause.”
“Well, I’m not evil. I took out an entire nest of Spriggans today. They’re evil. Although, to be fair, I did ruin two shirts and one set of eyebrows in about ten minutes, so I guess that could be considered evil.” I paused and searched his face. “Do you think I’m evil?”
“Absolutely not. I think you’re the best person I know. That’s never going to change. It’s not about what I think, though. I want to know what you think.”
“I ... think I’m cool.”
His lips curved. “You’re definitely cool.”
The next part poured out without me realizing I was going to say it. “I also think you’re right. I’m powerful. What if ... what if the magic has somehow warped me and I don’t even realize it? That’s possible.”
“No, it’s not.” His grip on me tightened, his expression serious. “It’s not possible in the least.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Because it’s what’s inside that makes a person. You can’t be evil because you’re inherently good. In fact, you’re so good that you’re constantly fretting about being evil. Do you think an evil person does that?”
He had a point. “I ... don’t know.”
“Well, I do. You’re not evil. If you’re worried that you were abandoned because your family thought you were evil, I don’t believe that.”
“You believe they let me go to keep me safe.” He’d told me before. Occasionally I wanted to hear it again because it grounded me, made me feel less disposable and more important.
“That’s exactly what I believe. I can’t pretend to know what happened, but somebody went through a great deal of trouble to make sure you were safe ... but still separate. I think your family was being hunted, and it sounds like this council was supposed to help them but fell down on the job. Regardless, they knew they needed to protect you. For whatever reason, the only way they could think to protect you was to isolate you.” He sighed. “Now, I’m not going to pretend this hasn’t been traumatic for you. I can’t imagine not knowing where I came from. My father drives me crazy, but he’s the pain in the butt I know. You don’t know anything, and I happen to believe that’s traumatized you in ways you can’t even give voice to.”
“I’m still not ready.” I knew it wasn’t what he wanted to hear but I needed time. “I just want to talk to Ezekiel again, in a few days. If his story stays the same, we’ll talk.”
He brushed his fingers across my cheek and nodded. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”
“Great.” I rested my head against his chest and took a deep breath.
