“May I?” my terse smile is for the EMT.
He nods his head, and promptly advises exactly where I am able to sit.
“Yes, Jamie, we are okay. You’re gonna be A-okay,” I murmur. Red, vibrant lights flash as I once again take Jamie's hand.
“No, I mean…” His voice fades as the tubes of a breathing machine are latched around his ears and applied to his face.
He means Lolita’s ex… The one who tried to rape me at age sixteen. Days later, the man had been found bludgeoned to death, and it was linked to a Crips gang initiation.
“Always,” I reply, voice so frazzled that it shakes. Though Jamie’s words say ‘he thinks we’ll be okay’ mean that he understands how Evan just saved my ass, I read him well. He believes we’d be okay if I ever tell Evan about the guy. I had no intention to—period. My body feels new, warm, welcoming emotions around Evan, no need sullying them with muddied waters.
I kiss his cheek, and whisper, “Never will I ever tell.”
His chocolate orbs lock onto mine for a fraction of a second before he drifts safely to sleep. The medic is preparing to close the door when the man of my dreams stands there.
The nod of confidence Evan offers as the ambulance doors shut is enough to settle my bones. He's right. I just have to keep the flashbacks of my evil father—versus the one I truly loved— out of my mind. The way Evan sprang into action was a red flag. But again I take a deep breath, smile down at Jamie and mentally admonish myself for even allowing that thought to creep into my psyche.
I could’ve used the self-defense line, but let's face it. This is California. Homeowners have been sued for home invasions gone wrong. And I was a bumbling mess as law enforcement swarmed my tiny apartment. Best to just let the cop handle it.
The next hour is a whirlwind as Jamie receives attention at the county hospital. I sit with a mass of people whose night has also turned for the worse.
A little boy who's only dressed in a diaper, has a puffy, miserable face. Every time he coughs his entire body shakes and it zaps the little bit of energy he has. His mother who seems to only speak Spanish keeps trying to get a nurse’s attention to no avail.
After a few calls with Evan, to check on me, I see my mom and Tony walking through the sliding glass doors.
“Reese’s Pieces,” she hugs me tightly. “You hurt? What's wrong?” Leave it to Lolita to ask a rigorous battery of questions when it comes to my basic welfare. Nobody in the entire universe is allowed to hurt me… but her.
I haven’t been bullied in years, so I sidestep her embrace and shake off the discomfort. “I'm just exhausted. How’d you know I was here?”
“Evan,” Tony gives a warm smile gaging my discomposure. “He told us.”
“What happened, baby?” Lolita steps forward again.
We’ve begun a tangle, where I step back. If she advances, there’s not much further I can go. The motherly-love that’s just for show decreases a notch. She reaches out and graces her hand down my cheek.
“Reese, what happened? And why are we at this dreadful hospital?”
“Mom,” I shake my head as she shudders about being at a county hospital during such an ordeal. “Let’s just go outside.”
In a morbid silence, we navigate toward the exit. The sky is a cool purple as we step outside. The cement benches around this area are dark-gray and dank so we stand before them.
The air is chilly, and Tony untwines the cashmere scarf from his blazer. “Here you go, Reese.”
With the condensation of my next exhale, I thank him instead of declining.
Then I tell them about Jamie. And reluctantly add Riker and his crew.
“Oh baby,” my mother hugs me again. I wriggle my fingers when she lets go.
“Tony, can you wait for me in the car?” She asks.
“Sure.” He nods, and turns around.
Lolita turns to me. “You had to pull the trigger tonight, didn't you?”
My bottom lip falls.
“No matter how well you cope, trust me, baby, I always know.” She pats my cheek.
I move away. “Mom, stop. This is uncomfortable.”
She disregards my request, and asks, “Evan’s worked things out?”
“What do you mean,” I gasp, shoulders falling. “Worked things out? Fixed things? Covered up stuff.”
The words run away from me. I've heard her uttering something similar in desperation to my father. “Fix it, Milo, fucking fix this!”
“You know exactly what I mean, Reese. Evan cares about you. Tony sees it. I see it.”
I grumble, hands balled into fists in the large front pocket of my hoodie. Every inch of me wants to be that angry kid again. Blaming my mom for this or for that. In my mind’s eye, Lolita was the reason he left so often. Lolita loved the fast-life. Lolita loved the diamonds and fur.
The day after my father died, I stopped arguing. I became the ‘yes’ girl. For almost sixteen years, the agreeable trait has been embedded within my psyche.
“Look, Reese’s Pieces, I've told Tony the entire rundown about Milo.”
I glance toward the parking lot. Pupils dilating, heart heavy. My mother has forged her own defense mechanism. Where is my confidant? “Yeah, whatever, you already tried this scare tactic at the French restaurant.”
“He knows every sordid detail. From start to end,” she adds.
I want Evan to wrap me in his arms and tell me life will be okay. Can I tell him everything about Milo? I promised that Jamie and my secret would stay as such forever. We’d pinky promised each other that night after driving back in his old Honda Civic. But Milo, he’s now an open subject. And I’m sure Evan already knows how the infamous, sleazeball cop came to his untimely demise. So I can tell Evan how it felt to be clutched by death as a SWAT member shot Milo down while he embraced me? How it felt to be ten years old, talking to
