“And I’m not ready to be a mother. We are in this together. You promised me that if the test came out positive, you were going to be there for me.”
“I know what I said, but I thought you weren’t going to be pregnant. I’ll be here for you- I mean us. If I have to get a real job, then fine, I’ll get one for us.” A small smile appeared on my face, but then I thought back on a lot of promises he made and has never kept one. I was scared and couldn’t tell my mother because I was only sixteen years old and just started high school. How am I going to break the news to my mother and family? I sat there thinking and knew I had to do something.
“Can you take me to the Unity Healthcare clinic?” I asked as I cleaned up the trash and began to wash my hands.
“For what?” Jemar asked.
“I need to get some information and talk to a doctor.”
“Alright.” He said then grabbed his keys to his 1996 Impala SS then we headed out. I said a quick prayer. “Dear Lord, I’m sorry for disobeying you, and I know this is your punishment for me. I ask that you help me through this obstacle and give me the strength and guidance throughout it all. I’m sorry.”
On our way to the clinic, I sat there thinking about how our irresponsibility led to this mistake. I was the good girl that did everything my mother told me to do, but now look at me; young and pregnant. I thought back on how I met Jemar and was kind of feeling sorry for myself. This was not supposed to be my story, my life, or a way to my happy ending. My eyes focused on the trees and cars passing by as I slowly drifted off to la-la land.
1. Bre
December 2015
Going to the clinic that day made me feel a little better about my situation. I was informed that I had options, but I think I was already set on keeping the baby. I've always wanted to be a mom, and if even it's happening sooner than expected, I'm going to be ready. And for the most part, although Jemar seemed hesitant at first, he was on board now. And I was so relieved because I definitely can't picture myself doing this alone. After all, it's definitely his fault that I was in this situation. No, he didn't force me to have sex with him or force his seeds in me, but he was careless about not wearing protection. I guess I could've made sure we always wore protection or even gotten on birth control. It's just that I trusted him enough to not put me in this situation since I was young, and we haven't even been together long. Ugh! The more I think about it, this was definitely all on me. I should've protected myself better, and now I'm in this for the long haul. I was three months pregnant now, and I was able to keep everything under the radar for the most part. My mother, Aretha, worked a lot, so avoiding her was pretty easy because she was hardly home. When she was home, I made sure to stay in my room and pretend like I was going through one of those teenage mood swings. I was going through mood swings, but it wasn’t because of my sixteen-year-old hormones. My mom acted like she was prepared for these days and gave me the space I needed. And the more I kept this charade up, the more I started to believe it. I mean, for the most part, things were the same in a house.
My big brother, Wayne, and his baby mama, Aniyah and their kids, were on and off living with us. Whenever Aniyah and her mother got into it, she would move in for about a couple weeks then go back home. My mother didn't like the back and forth, but she tolerated Aniyah because she birthed her first grandkids. You could tell by the minimal communication she had with her and the little conversations she had with Wayne about not having to stay with Aniyah for the sake of the kids. Now, don't get my mother wrong, she was all for two-parent homes. She always expressed to our grandmother, Grandma Pep, about wanting to protect Wayne from Aniyah's toxic ass. I've known Aniyah since Wayne started dating her in 9th grade, and she seemed cool. Did I find it crazy for her to get pregnant within their first year of them dating? Yes, but who was I to judge or question? Anywho, my oldest sister Raquel was born a year after Wayne and was the only one who was living on her own. She was currently attending Florida A&M University and came home during every break. Quel made really good money at a job that she could never fully explain or give details about. My mom was skeptical about it, but since she was safe and seemed to like her job, she let it be. Next is Eric, my pain in the ass little/big brother. Eric and I are a year apart, just like Wayne and Raquel. Since my mother had Wayne and Raquel when she was sixteen and seventeen, she took a semi break before having her next kid at twenty. Eric was the baby boy and a momma's boy at heart. And he suffered from that light-skin syndrome; self-absorbed, emotional, and annoying. He was always irritating. And last but not least, my baby sister Alexis. We all thought my mother was done having kids once she turned thirty, but she surprised us when she told us that she was expecting another baby. However, imagine how even more shocked we were when we also discovered she wasn't
