“As much as I want to say okay, I can’t because that’s my daughter’s father,” I said.
“Do you think he’s going to really be there for her?”
“I don’t know, but I’m doing everything that I can to make sure she’s straight, whether he’s here or not. I just need some more time.”
“How much time, Bre? How long are you going to deal with this?”
“Not long, I swear. It’s just for my baby.” I grabbed the rag from him and held it myself.
“What if he hurts you while you’re carrying his seed? What if that leads to potentially hurting the baby?”
“It’s not. I promise. I won’t let him do that.”
“Look, I can’t tell you what to do in your situation, but the Ambrelle I grew up with was-”
“She’s not here anymore. I’m not as good as you think I am either. I’ve changed Ricky. Life changed me. My stupid choices and mistakes changed me.” I said. It was silent.
“Oh my gosh!” I screamed. Just then, I felt my baby kick for the first time ever. I figured she was being stubborn, but she finally kicked for me. I just got my ass kicked, but I was excited about her first kick.
“What? What’s wrong?” Ricky asked, concerned.
“She just kicked for the first time,” I said, trying to smile, but my lip was sore. “Feel,” I said, then grabbed his hand and placed it on my stomach.
“Wow! I never knew what it felt like to feel a baby kick.” He said, smiling.
“I know. Me, either.” For the first time ever, I felt butterflies in my stomach, and it wasn’t from my baby, but my newly developed feelings for Ricky.
“Why couldn’t I have picked a better boyfriend and father for my child?” I blurted out.
“You could have.” He said, grabbing my hand.
“You don’t like me like that,” I said, putting my head down. He lifted my head and looked into my eyes.
“Nah, you didn’t like me like that. You overlooked me.” He said, and he was right. I did overlook his good boy image and went for the bad boy who I thought was right. Honestly, my life probably would’ve been better- much better if I would’ve avoided Jemar. He wasn’t who I thought he was, and that was my fault. I was damaged goods now. Nobody would want me even if they did. I didn’t deserve a second chance at love since I fucked up my first one. How can I trust myself to not do it again?
“I’m no good for you, anyways. I’m no good for anybody. Jemar damaged me.” I said while letting go of his hand.
“I have an opportunity to leave DC and have a fresh start. Come with me.”
“My baby is due is in about a month.”
“They have doctors where I’m going. And I have enough money to take care of us.”
“Ricky, I can’t just drop all my baggage and damage on you. You go wherever you’re going without somebody else shit. You don’t need or deserve that.”
“A rose is still a rose. Bre, I care about you…..a lot.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“Bre you’re not-”
“I am. And you should leave. He’s probably coming back, and I don’t want to cause any more damage. You don’t need to get caught up in my shit.”
“Bre-”
“Just go!” I yelled. I didn’t mean to, but I was really fucked up now. I probably had a whole ass, good dude, in my life this entire time, and I overlooked him for a piece of shit. I didn’t deserve his kindness and protection. “Just go, please. I want to be alone.” I said then put my head down. He didn’t say, and shortly I felt him get up off the floor and leave the room. Part of me wanted him to stay or go with him. It was too late, and now I have to figure out what I’m going to do because I can’t live like this. I won’t live like this.
15. Raquel
May 2016
“It’s hot in here,” Heaven complained for the hundredth time tonight. I rolled my eyes and took a sip from my drink. I decided to hang out with my cousins Kiara and Heaven, since I was now home from college. We were actually celebrating Kiara’s and my birthdays early since I already made plans to be in Cancun for my birthday next week. Kiara’s birthday was the week after mine, but she said she really didn’t have plans. Heaven was already twenty-two, and Kiara would be turning twenty-two as well. They didn’t mind hanging around my soon to be twenty-year-old ass. Natasha was closer to my age, but we honestly didn’t have much in common, and just like her brothers, she really didn’t hang with the family too much. Anywho, I only came to visit for two weeks then I was taking my ass back to Florida. However, since I hardly hang with my family when I’m home, I decided to hang out with these hoes for the night. Most of my time home was already booked, and I doubt I would have any time to chill for a minute.
“Having fun?” I asked Kiara. She had been quiet the most and didn’t seem like herself.
“I’m fine. It’s just been a long day.” She said, just staring down at her drink.
“We didn’t have to come to the club. We could’ve gone out to eat or did something more chill.” I said. We all loved going out, getting cute, dancing and sipping on free drinks from guys that will never get a chance from us. However, as much as I liked going out, I enjoyed staying in and binge-watching tv shows.
“I needed the distraction,” Kiara said. I don’t think she even realized that the words left her before she could stop them. Kiara and I were very similar; bougie, sometimes ratchet, and very private. We were close, but she was closer to Heaven than me because they were raised in the same household. When
