“Okay, you win,” she said softly.
I win? “What do I win?”
Her laugh was soft and liquid, which just confused me more.
“Another chance,” she said. “I believe you. I mean, I think I do. Either you didn’t kill him, or you put on one hell of a show, and I know you don’t give a shit what I think so it can’t be that second one. As for the letters…if you said you wrote me…I guess I have no choice but to believe that too.”
How was it possible for her to be so far off-base? I knew I shouldn’t say what I was about to say. If that was her rationale, then arguing with it would only screw me out of my chance. But she deserved to know, and I couldn’t stop myself from saying it anyway. I was the thing she needed to be protected from, but I was also the only person capable of protecting her.
I grabbed her hands off my face and held them tight, looking deep into her eyes.
“Listen here, Daisy. Your opinion is the only one I do give a shit about. I do care what you think. Every thought, every feeling, everything. Don’t you dare give me a second chance just because you think I don’t care. Don’t be that stupid.”
Her startled eyes widened, reflecting the vastness of the sky. I could see her thoughts whirling, watched her emotions fly over her expression like clouds across the face of the moon. I braced myself for anything. Argument, tantrum, violence, whatever was coming, I was ready. But then she smiled, and I was off-balance all over again.
“You’re calling me stupid and trying to talk me out of believing you all at once? Who’s the stupid one, here?”
I sighed and dropped my head. “I just want you to make informed decisions, that’s all. You’re smart, you’ve always been smart, just not about people. Not about me.”
She laughed and I looked up. “You said that same thing to me the summer before high school when you were trying to convince me that you were so dangerous.”
“I am dangerous.”
“Shut up.”
“Yes ma’am.”
She giggled and it was the best sound in the world. Then she turned serious again. “Listen, Kash. I know I said we don’t know each other anymore, but I was wrong. I do know you. I don’t think you killed him. If you had, all those questions you were asking him would have had double meanings because you’re too smart for your own good and you’re actually basically an honest person.”
She sighed and looked away, then swallowed hard. “And you know, even if I’m wrong—you can’t fake remorse like that. So maybe something went wrong and Hunter wound up dead. Even if it was your hand, I don’t think you meant to.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t kill him, Daisy. The only thing I feel remorse over is not getting the three of us out of this damn town a heck of a lot sooner. If I did—”
She shook her head at me and sucked a deep breath in. “Here’s the thing, Kash. You can’t live like that. Trust me, you can’t, and you don’t want to. I’ve what-iffed myself into a depressive spiral for the past few years. We can’t change what happened, but maybe we can change what happens now.”
I put my arms around her and held her close, crushing her against my chest so tight I could have broken her. Maybe Daisy was right. Maybe we could. Maybe there was still time to salvage our lives, somehow.
Chapter 8
I hadn’t realized before how much of my grief was due to my belief in Kash’s guilt and the subsequent loss of our future, but now, as I held his hand through the woods I felt as though I was walking on air. I was giddy for the first time in years and it took everything I had to keep from dancing.
I looked up at Kash, seeing so much in his eyes. Sadness, happiness, truths, mistruths, the past, the future. I shook my head and laughed. “If you keep staring at me like that your eyes are going to fall out. Blink, man, blink!”
He grinned. “It’s good to see you happy. Didn’t think I’d ever see it again.”
“Neither did I,” I confessed. “And not just because Hunter died, and not just because you went to prison. It’s more selfish than that, I’m afraid.”
He cocked his head at me curiously. “Selfish? How?”
I squeezed his hand and fought the flutter of anxiety in my chest which told me to keep everything inside. Speaking authentically was a habit I would have to re-learn; I had gotten used to keeping my opinions to myself over the last six years.
“You remember our plan, don’t you? How you two were going to make enough money to get us out of here? We were going to buy a big house with a massive garden and live in it together. We were going to have parties and friends and cars and I would get my degree and we would never have to come back here ever again.”
“I remember,” he said.
“I had my whole life pinned to that moment. From the day we came up with the plan, I started living life differently. I stopped trying to see a future here and just pinned my entire existence on the day we could get out of here. The day we lived in a house rather than that broken down trailer. The flowers I’d plant in the garden. The meals I’d cook with vegetables I picked with my very own hands. You have no idea how much I pestered Hunter about it. How much longer, Hunter? How much longer now?”
I sighed against the heaviness in my chest. “Then he was gone and you were gone and there were no more updates. I was just here. Stuck. Watching all my dreams turn to ash. Watching my brother
