“I told you what’s going on. If my dad so much as thinks that you and I are together, he’ll lose his shit. He will come after you and it won’t be pretty. Not for me, and not for you. You know he has a temper.” She’d gone pale again. It ignited a fury deep inside me which bubbled up to the surface as sarcasm.
“Of course he has a temper. Doesn’t everybody? I have a pretty good temper. I’m easy going—unless somebody threatens someone I love.”
Her expression froze for a fraction of a second, but it was long enough. My fury deepened.
“Daisy, did he threaten to hurt you?”
“No.”
“Did he threaten to hurt me?”
“Repeatedly.”
I laughed at that. A low grumble that didn’t have much to do with humor. “Do you really think he could?”
She shrugged and then nodded slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. Look, Kash, I know we’ve had this—whatever it is—relationship in various stages forever, but we have to put it on ice. At least for now. It’s more than just not being seen together. If I’m not home and in bed by eight o’clock every single night, he will come looking for you. If he sees a mark on my body or smells cologne, he will come looking for you. And he won’t stop. Not until he finds you. Not until he’s sure that we’re not together. And…well, we’re not together, but…God, the point I’m trying to make, Kash, is that we need to leave this alone. My father’s not in a good place right now and you don’t need to put yourself on the receiving end of whatever his alcoholism.” She inhaled shakily and met my eyes full on. “He’s hurting, Kash. He’s hurting real bad. It’s not fair that you’re alive and his son is dead, that’s how he sees it. You know what he’s like when he’s hurt, like a mountain lion or a wolf, he’ll take your hand off as soon as he looks at you.”
“I’ve handled a wounded animal or two in my time,” I said. My natural confidence rose as hers waned.
“Yeah, a bunny rabbit. And still you had to get eight stitches and a rabies shot!”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Touché. But I handled it, didn’t I?”
She pressed a palm to her temple. “The bunny is not the point, Kash.”
“You brought it up.”
“The point is that it is too dangerous for me to see you right now.”
“I disagree.”
“Then you’re wrong.”
I ground my teeth. “You know, I’m starting to think this isn’t about your dad at all. What is he now, sixty?”
“Fifty-four.”
“Close enough. Fifty-four years old, drunk every day for the last twenty. He’s a pushover on a good day. So what’s really going on, Daisy? If you can’t handle the gossip and the stigma…well, I mean, I’m kind of disappointed in you to be honest, you never were the kind to give a shit what other people think before.”
She raised her chin and her eyes flashed defiantly. “I still don’t.”
“Hm. Maybe. Well if you don’t, then I figure the most logical explanation is that you just don’t want to see me and you’re running out of ways to tell me that. It’s my fault for not picking up on it sooner, honestly. You shouldn’t feel bad, I’m kind of slow.” I was getting angrier the longer I talked, but I didn’t know whether it was at her or myself.
“Shut up.”
“See, and that. You’ve told me to shut up about a dozen times since I got back. For all your talk about wanting answers, you sure don’t want to hear me much. Am I wasting my time here? Am I the idiot living in a dream world thinking that you could possibly, actually want to see me?”
“Of course I want to see you!” She dropped the case in the dirt and stormed up to me, coming within a millimeter of my face. “Why do you think I was up all night, Kash? I can’t stop thinking about you. You live in my head, you always have, and it’s only gotten worse since you got back. I spend every waking moment thirsty for your presence and I dream all night about reaching out to touch you, but never quite making that connection. It’s torture!”
“So I’m torturing you?”
“Now you’re just being deliberately obtuse.” She crossed her arms and glared daggers at me.
A smirk tugged at the corner of my mouth. “Deliberately obtuse, huh?”
“Yes! Deliberately obtuse.”
“You know your vocabulary grows about three times its normal size when you’re pissed? I always noticed that about you. It’s why you could never convince anyone you were angry when you weren’t.” My own anger was fading, at least the part of it that was directed at her.
She blinked at me, then sniffed. “Maybe I just don’t have the patience to dumb myself down when I’m pissed,” she said.
“You saying you dumb yourself down for me? I’m hurt. I thought you knew I was a genius.” I grinned, but she only rolled her eyes. I brushed my fingers against the back of her hand and leaned my forehead against hers. “I’m sorry, Daisy. It’s been weird, coming home like this. Everybody I used to know either hates me or admires me for something I didn’t even do. That second one disturbs me most.”
She sighed and let her eyes flutter closed. “I know it’s hard for you. I feel bad about it because it isn’t fair. But damn it, Kash, I need you to hear me when I talk. I want to be with you. I would love to be with you. But it just isn’t safe.”
Reaching up, I slid my fingers through her silky hair. Everything about the motion hurt, knowing that moments like these couldn’t be imprinted in my mind forever. I didn’t just want to remember having touched her. I wanted to be able to touch her whenever the hell I pleased.
I sighed. “What if
