I blushed.
“Why?” he said in a whisper.
There were many reasons. Merram had been in the right, a defender and not an aggressor. His life had been put in danger because of the secrets I’d kept. He’d done his best to save the people who had cared for me for ten years. All were true, but none were quite why.
I looked at the face that wasn’t mine, and I said, “I found the letters. Mother loved you.”
Merram’s eyes filled with tears and he inhaled.
“Besides, killing Thorkel ended the war,” I said with a tired grin. “You happened to be in the right place.”
He burst out laughing and wiped his eyes. “True. Very true. Now. What do you want to know first?”
Since seeing my smile on Thorkel’s face, only one question sickened my heart. “Mother loved you.”
All humor died. “She did, and I her.”
“But—”
“But I am not your father.” He took a slow breath. If he had been Shamino, he would have run his hand through his hair. “I’ve told you the story over and over in my mind, yet now that you’re here before me… It’s still hard. Krysta and Thorkel attended court at the same time—he for the Kyer, she to visit a cousin. Krysta admired him for a while, I think for his intellect and passion, but soon he became possessive and paranoid. She wanted to end the relationship, but he wouldn’t leave her alone.
“Then the Kyer called him home as a reprimand for some of his political outbursts. The Dragonmaster sent me to Dragonsridge in Thorkel’s place.”
“And you fell in love with her.”
“I did.” His smile, the way it filled his eyes, it took decades from his appearance. “The moment we met, I knew I’d found the only woman I’d ever love. Krysta felt the same. When Thorkel learned of our love, he…”
He blinked and fixed his gaze on a rainbow on the wall. Then he blinked again.
The silence stretched. My dread became almost unbearable. Deep down, I’d already guessed what had happened, but I never wanted to think of my mother in that situation.
“Krysta vanished,” Merram finally managed. “By the time Orrik and I found her, she was with child. I married her anyway. We eloped at the first Devotarium we came to, and I asked Orrik to hide her where no one could find her, not even I. I flew back to the Kyer to confront Thorkel, but it was too late.”
“Is that when he assassinated the Dragonmaster?” I asked.
Merram nodded. “The Dragonmaster’s health was poor, and the Council was considering both me and Thorkel as successor. That’s why they sent us each to court, to see how we handled ourselves. From what the Elders pieced together, Thorkel planned to kill the Dragonmaster in secret and take control in my absence. Instead, he was discovered.”
Thus Merram, Thorkel’s once-friend, had taken not only the woman he wanted but also the power he craved. “Thorkel escaped to Carthesia, but you feared him returning. So Mother stayed hidden.”
“Yes.”
I stared at a rainbow on the ceiling. Mother had died without rainbows. “You didn’t know where she was. She died before she could tell you we had found a home in Stoneyfield.”
“We didn’t even know your name,” Merram said. “Orrik searched for you, but there were hundreds of orphaned girls. So we waited…”
“For my manifestation.” Orrik had arrived so quickly—he’d been in the area, he said. How many years had he been in the area?
“Thorkel looked for you, too,” Merram said. “The Gift can manifest as young as fourteen. Carthesia began to kidnap mages two years before we found you.”
A knock sounded on the door. A woman in healer’s white entered. She exclaimed with happiness when she found me awake and shooed Merram to the side. With swift movements she changed bandages, including the one around my gored arm. It ached, but from far away. The healer nodded with satisfaction when I said so. Then she probed me with her Gift, asking me to move this and that.
We came to my left shoulder.
Sensation had returned to my hand, and I could open and close the fingers. The shoulder itself, however, was still numb. Lifting my arm took tremendous effort, and then I couldn’t raise it more than halfway.
She clucked her tongue. “We feared that. The same area appeared to have been struck multiple times. The damage couldn’t be reversed.”
“It won’t get better?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine not using my arm. Even with my magic, I still did most tasks in the Quarters with my muscles, out of both pride and habit.
“I’m sorry,” the healer said. “We can strengthen what’s there, but…”
I looked at Merram. Which was dumb—he had no healing Gift.
He spread his hands. “At least you have Telekinesis.”
Telekinesis. The word reminded me of Jerroth clinging to Maolmuire, flying… somewhere. Carrying the corpse of Tressa.
The healer gave me potions and instructions to stay in bed. She handed Merram a potion as well. Then she left.
“I should fetch Shamino,” Merram said after he drank his potion.
I grabbed his sleeve before he rose. “Wait. Thorkel said I had a grandfather.”
Merram turned red. “I will contact him immediately. I should have in the beginning.”
I didn’t let go. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
Merram stared at my hand gripping his sleeve rather than at my face. “Because I am a coward. First I feared that Thorkel had already contacted you, that you were a spy. Then I feared what you’d do if you discovered you had a father… and I feared…”
For the first time, his mask of control and certainty fell away. The second-most powerful man in Drageria was merely a man. A man who could be shattered by my words.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out two folded pieces of paper. He stared at them for several moments. “I suppose this is as good a time as any.”
I accepted them with my good
