“Nate!” Peyton calls out, pausing my movements.
I squeeze the door handle, not bothering to turn and face her. “What?”
“I’m sorry about Micaela…”
I snort, yanking the door open. “Fuck off, Peyton.”
I climb into my car and head home to prepare for the trip.
Tillie
After everyone has left my room and I’ve showered and dressed, I take out the book from under my bed, desperate for a distraction. I’ve decided I’m going to finish this book, but not just finish it, I’m going to try to see the places he has sketched in hopes to find anything to connect the transparent dots that seem to be disappearing before my eyes. Shoving the book into a duffel bag I found in the closet, I swing it over my shoulder, tying my hair in a long ponytail. I’m making my way toward the front of the house to catch a cab when Elena comes out dressed in yoga pants and a loose sweater.
“Hi,” I say, unsure of what we talk about now.
“Morning, Tillie, can I speak with you for a second?”
I lick my lips. “Okay.” Then follow her into the house, taking a seat at the dining table. “Is everything okay?” God, I really hope she’s not wanting me to leave today. I know Nate has said so, but I haven’t managed to find a home or even a car. I know I still have Nate’s money in my account, maybe I can use some of that to go get a car since Elena wouldn’t let me pay for her funeral.
She places a black coffee in front of me. I adjust myself on my chair, getting ready to brace myself for whatever she’s about to say.
“I want you to stay for as long as you need.”
I exhale, my shoulders slacking from the pent-up nerves I had worked myself up on. “I appreciate that, but I think you and I both know your son. He wants me out, and I don’t blame him.”
“My son is hurt, Tillie, broken beyond repair, as are you, but make no mistake, he loves you and will never really want you to be homeless or out on your own.”
I appreciate her telling me this, but Nate and I have never said the “L word,” and it grinds on my gears that she threw it out there so carelessly. She doesn’t know what her son feels, because I’m almost certain he feels nothing at all.
“Wooo.” I blow out my breath. I need to calm down, remember that she is not the enemy here and all she’s ever done is help me. I take a small sip of my coffee in an attempt to do that. Once I place the mug back onto the table, my fingers wrapping around the warm ceramic, I smile at her. “Thank you. I will stay for a couple more days until I find something else. I might be out and about for the next couple of days, though, don’t be alarmed. I’m just trying to find a car.”
She pushes the keys toward me. “The SUV is yours, Tillie. Please take it.”
I toss and turn.
“Please.”
I grab the keys and look up at her. “Thank you for all that you’ve done to help me, Elena. I didn’t know my mother.”
“—It’s a good thing,” she murmurs.
I chuckle, the first real smile to touch my mouth since losing her. “Yeah, but you’re amazing. Nate is very lucky to have you.”
She swipes her cheeks. “Please come to me if you ever need to talk about Micaela.”
My blood turns cold, my jaw turning to cement. “Thanks.” I stand abruptly, making my way to the front door. My heart is pounding against my rib cage and when I step outside and slam the door closed, I slide down until my ass drops to the cold tiles on the porch. Micaela. It’s the first time I have heard her name be said aloud since losing her. I’ve even refused to say her name in my head because it is just too painful. That one word can dismember me in the blink of an eye.
The tears start again as I’m reminded, yet again, how much I have lost. Time stands still when you’re numb. You lose track of it, of meaning. Like why do flowers bloom if they’re just going to wither? That space between that first blossom and that first wilt is meaningless. It all reaches the same fate. Like me. Like human life.
I push from the ground, swiping the tears from my cheeks and unlock the Mercedes. Climbing in, I tug my phone out of my back pocket and call Brantley. He picks up after the sixth ring. Sixth.
“Principessa…”
I ignore that annoying pet name. Think I’ll take Madison’s “kitty” over princess any day of the week. “That cabin…”
Brantley silences. “Yes…”
“Where is it?” I ask candidly, flooring it out of the house of doom. I can’t stay here for much longer. I know that. Everything reminds me of Micaela, it hurts too much.
“Off the I-5—why?”
I hang up, knowing I can find it myself if I really search my thoughts deep enough.
It takes me a little over two hours, but eventually, I’m pulling into that same driveway that we all went down before I got chased into the forest. The building where the fights were doesn’t look nearly as intimidating as it did that night. That night that feels so long ago.
Tragic.
I cut the gas, putting the keys in my pocket. The time catches my eye as I look around the place. Just past four p.m. That gives me enough time to gather what I need. I swing the duffel bag over my shoulder and trek into the forest. The wind whisks through my hair, setting goosebumps over my flesh. It seems darker in here, where the trees keep you secluded
