He pulled the buggy alongside the others and hopped down. Another cousin greeted him, took the reins, and unhitched the horse while he talked about the weather and whether it was going to come a storm like all the English meteorologists claimed. To look at the sky today a person would think it had never snowed in the history of that sky. Clear blue and bright. He supposed John David couldn’t have picked a better day to get wed. And still Levi wished he was somewhere else.
* * *
It was a definite toss-up. Tillie glanced around the crowd of people gathered for her cousin Amanda’s wedding. Everyone seemed intent on having a great time, celebrating with the special couple, but it was definitely a fifty-fifty split when it came to people noticing her and her enlarged state. She was fairly certain that after all was said and done and everyone went home and the wedding escapades had been recounted once and then again, talk would turn to her. Or maybe she was just overly sensitive. She spent the morning pinning and re-pinning the maternity dress her mamm had borrowed from Anna in order to make her growing girth not quite so obvious. But even as she went about the exercise, she knew it wasn’t worth the effort. Too many people had already seen her, too many people already knew that she was carrying a baby, and too many people had already told someone else. She could try and hide it as much as she wanted, but by the time she left the wedding today, everyone in Pontotoc would know without a doubt that she was going to have a baby. And soon.
“You look like you could use this.” Hannah sidled up next to her and presented a small plate of desserts to her. Spice cake, iced cookies, and chocolate-covered cashews.
Tillie tried to smile. Wasn’t dessert the best part of any wedding celebration? She supposed so, save the happy couple and the two souls bound together in love and harmony and God. Seeing as how she had missed her wedding and would probably never have one now, it made it a little harder to see all that joy. Or perhaps she was just being selfish.
Time. Wasn’t that what everyone said was needed? Then maybe that’s what she needed as well. Just a little more time. Who knew? In a couple of years, maybe ten, everyone in Pontotoc might not care that she had come home pregnant and unmarried and the father of her baby hadn’t cared enough to follow behind.
“Quit thinking about it,” Leah said. Tillie hadn’t heard her sister come up on the other side, most likely because she’d been too lost in her own thoughts about her own problems. It was becoming something of a habit these days, and she needed to shake herself out of it lest she get mired down in all the wrongs with her life. She knew when that happened she would forget all the good things that were around. Those were what she really needed to concentrate on.
“I’m sorry.”
“And stop apologizing,” Hannah admonished. Her voice was gentle, loving, and Tillie immediately wanted to apologize again. What was it about her transgressions that made her so apologetic? Perhaps the fact that there was no making up for the pain and sorrow she was causing her family.
“Maybe I should go,” she said.
“Home?” Hannah asked. Her voice rang with the unspoken We just got here, though in truth they had been there a couple of hours.
Their community, in particular, was small enough that most everyone was in attendance. They were a conservative district and did not have a lot of outside activities available to them. Weddings were definitely a bright spot in all their social calendars, and everyone looked forward to them and the entertainment they provided.
“I have the car,” Leah said. “I can take you home and come back. Are you feeling okay?”
Tillie shook her head. “That’s not what I mean. Maybe I should go back to Melvin.”
“No!” her sisters exclaimed simultaneously. Their voices were loud enough that they drew the attention of several people standing close by. Leah waved away their exclamation as if it never happened and turned back to Tillie. “You can’t go back yet. You just got home.”
“I know, but . . .” She couldn’t finish that sentence. She knew she had just gotten home, but she also knew that her baby needed a father. She knew that. She knew also that the community would never forgive her without a husband. She knew, but was what she was doing really what was best for all involved? Or was she just being selfish? Wishing for things to be impossibly different?
“Don’t,” Hannah said. She wrapped her fingers around one of Tillie’s arms, and Leah got the other. Together her sisters marched her through the house and out the back door. There were a few other wedding goers outside, milling around. Some of the men were smoking, and a few of the kids in attendance were sitting under the tree swing and playing some sort of game.
And now that they were out in the fresh air, Tillie sucked in a deep breath. It felt a little better to be outdoors; not so confining.
“Why don’t you tell me what this is all about?” Hannah said.
“And don’t tell us what you think we want to hear. Tell us what this is really about,” Leah interjected.
Tillie shook her head. “I can’t explain.”
“Try.” Leah pinned her with a sharp look. “None of that watered-down stuff that you tell Mamm.”
“What if Melvin doesn’t come?” Tillie asked. The question fell between them like a dead goose. She had told them that Melvin
