Melvin swallowed hard. “Tonight, then. We’ll talk tonight.”
* * *
He told himself he was a fool, even as he gathered up a few more baby things to take to Tillie and Emmy. And even more a fool for staying up late and making Christmas gifts for them, but he had done that too.
She was leaving, probably in just a couple of days, but he wanted to see her one last time. And Emmy. He would miss them both, so much.
And it was Christmas Eve. He wanted to see them on Christmas Eve.
He hitched up his buggy and headed toward the Gingeriches’. There was a definite chill in the air, mixed with the scent of woodsmoke. It smelled like Christmas. Suddenly he wished he could take her out for a sleigh ride. But sleighs could be quite tricky and needed a certain amount of snow. Too much and they wouldn’t go, too little and it was like dragging something behind the horse. The right amount, which was about the coverage when it snowed in Mississippi, was what was needed. But snow was rare, and it didn’t do to store a sleigh for the odd times when it happened. She would like that though, he knew. Tillie would like to go for a sleigh ride, and he would like to take her.
That will never be.
He might as well get it out of his head right now. He was going to visit them today, and that would be the end of it.
Last night should have been the end of it.
It should have, but he wanted to see her just one more time. He missed Mary and his own baby, but being stranded with Tillie and helping her deliver Emmy had created a bond that he hadn’t expected. One he had never even dreamed was possible. He pulled his coat a little tighter around him and his collar up a little bit higher over his nose and urged the horse to hurry just a bit.
Jah, he was cold. But every minute he spent in the buggy was a minute he didn’t get to spend with them.
Levi pulled his buggy down the drive that led to their house, past the little cabin, and on down into the valley.
Jim stuck his head out of the barn as Levi was hobbling his horse. Levi pointed toward the house so he would know that he was going inside. Jim gave him a wave of understanding and disappeared back into the workshop. Levi fetched the gifts out from the back of his carriage and made his way to the door. He was halfway up the porch steps when the front door opened and he saw Tillie standing there.
She looked frightened, like a scared rabbit cornered by a beagle. The look stopped him in his tracks.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
Tillie swallowed hard before answering. “Melvin is here.”
Levi felt like one of those blow-up yard things he had seen in the co-op, but with all the air let out. Deflated, defeated, useless.
It took him a moment to catch his breath, get his thoughts back in order. Melvin needed to be there, just like Levi had told Mims. Melvin needed to marry Tillie, whether they lived an Amish life or an English one. They needed to marry, provide a family, a mother and father for Emmy. There was no room for Levi in that picture.
He tried to smile. “Good, good,” he said. “It’s been a while.” Then he held up the bag of gifts that he had brought. “Merry Christmas,” he said.
Tillie looked behind her as if Melvin was going to appear there at any moment. Then she turned back to Levi. “Come in. Mamm’s got some coffee on and some of that cranberry bread you and Libby made. It really is good. You’re not a half-bad baker.”
“And you’re not a bad candy maker,” he returned with a smile. And suddenly everything felt a little easier between the two of them.
He followed her into the house, a bit leery of what he might find. Melvin was somewhere inside, or so he figured. Or maybe he was out visiting. If Levi remembered right, Melvin still had some cousin on the other side of town.
Tillie led him to the kitchen, and the mystery was solved. Melvin sat on the bench side of the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in front of him. Another sat across from him, and Levi figured that was Tillie’s spot. Somehow he knew; the setup had all the earmarks of a serious discussion. One that he had interrupted.
“I’m intruding,” he said. “I’ll just leave this here.” He put the sack at the end of the table, but Tillie shook her head.
“No, no. We have time for friends. Don’t we, Melvin?” The sentence made it seem more and more that they were a couple.
They were a couple. As much as he hated to admit it, and as much as he wanted to be part of her life—he would never be. Amish or English. It didn’t matter. The situation was hopeless. What a cheery thought for Christmas.
“Yeah,” Melvin said. “Sure.” He half stood and nodded toward the chair next to Tillie for Levi to sit. “It’s been a while.”
Hadn’t Levi just said those same words?
He slid into the place at the kitchen table and nodded uncomfortably while Tillie poured the coffee.
“So I hear you delivered my baby,” Melvin said.
Levi felt himself turn as red as the bows he had tied around the Christmas presents he’d brought. Men just didn’t discuss such things. Then again, the sort of things they were discussing normally didn’t happen.
“Jah. It was just a matter of being there. I didn’t do anything special.” Though it had felt special at the time. And it would always be special to him. He’d just done what anyone
