“Anna,” said Mom. “I need to talk to you.”
I sighed. I had been wondering when Mom was going to give me another one of her “stay in school” talks. I thought she was done with that. Ever since we had our argument, we’d been avoiding each other like the plague. I knew she was hurt by what I had said, but I wasn’t backing down. I had a point that she didn’t want to see. I wasn’t going to allow her to invalidate my own feelings, because they were anything but invalid. Most days were me just coming inside and heading straight to my room, or me leaving the house and hitting the road. But I sat there and listened to what she had to say.
“Listen, the school called three times this week saying you skipped class.” She gave me a hard look, but I remained silent. She rubbed her eyes. “Don’t think we’re not going to talk about this. But right now, I need your help with something. I gotta head back to Halifax and pick up some supplies from my classroom. It looks like I’ll have to do a lot of my grading and teaching online for now.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning I need you to watch your grandmother while I’m gone.”
My eyes widened and everything inside felt kind of fuzzy. “What? Mom, you can’t be—”
“Anna, I need you to do this one thing for me.”
“Why can’t Ben and Lillian do it?”
“They left for a trip to Lunenburg two days ago. While you went on a road trip, alone.” Mom raised an eyebrow. “Have you spoken to Tia lately?”
“No. I’ve been busy.”
“Doing what?”
“Can we stop? I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can look after her. It makes me anxious.”
I wanted Nan back, but being a stranger to her, that was the worst feeling in the world. She was a shell of herself and if I was being honest, it scared the shit out of me. I didn’t know how to interact with her. How could I pretend that we didn’t have history? In a way, it felt like I’d already lost Nan. The only thing I wanted to do was try to find a way to bring her back.
“I understand,” Mom said. “I do. But I promise, it won’t be so bad. You’ve barely spoken to her since you’ve been here. I know what happened on our first day spooked you, and it’s an awful thing to go through. But your grandmother still has fight in her, and you can’t let her go. Not yet.”
I wasn’t letting her go; I was doing the exact opposite. If only she knew.
“I need help,” Mom continued. “I need a co-pilot for this, and you’re it.” She sat beside me. Mom and I had been pretty distant since our fight. I knew she was struggling to balance everything, and it was no easy task. If I said no it would leave her stuck here, unable to do any of the grading she needed to finish. It was lose–lose.
“Fine,” I replied. “I can do it.”
“I know you can. But please, if you need anything, text me or Tia’s parents, okay?”
I nodded. “Okay.”
Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as I thought. I at least had to attempt to convince myself that it wouldn’t be.
Later that day I helped Mom clear out stuff from the back of her minivan; it was mostly just supplies she hadn’t had the chance to bring inside yet.
“You got everything you need?” Mom asked when we were done.
“You’re the one going on the trip,” I replied.
“Sorry. I’m just nervous.” She closed the trunk. “Are you sure you’re going to be all right doing this?”
I wasn’t, but I knew there was no one else.
“Mom, I’ll be fine. It’s…whatever. I’ll get over it. You should hit the road.”
“The schedule is on the kitchen table. Take care.” She gave me an awkward side hug. I gave her one back. Moms are still moms even if you get in an argument once in a while.
And just like that, she got in the van and I watched her drive off.
I went inside and checked the schedule.
6pm – dinner + meds
8pm – bath
9pm – TV
It didn’t seem too difficult, and Mom was going to be back in the morning. I set reminders in my phone in case I lost track of time. I could see Nan sitting in front of the TV in the next room. When I saw her it felt like my heart was on fire. I began feeling anxious and wasn’t sure how to approach her, so I ended up circling the kitchen only to open and close drawers. I wasn’t the best at managing stress.
“Hey, you in the kitchen!” Nan’s voice called from the living room. “I can hear you pacing in here. You might as well pull up a seat.”
I slowly made my way into the living room.
Nan looked at me. “Miss, sorry, but have we met before? I don’t recall.”
“It’s Anna,” I replied shyly. “Yes, we’ve met a couple of times.”
“Well, come here, Anna,” she said as she turned up the TV.
Nan still remembered Mom, but she didn’t remember me, and I was scared to confuse her by saying, Hey, I’m your granddaughter who you don’t remember. So I didn’t say anything. I just stood there as she explained: “My daughter’s out for the evening it looks like, so you’re stuck here with me.” I could see her smile. Even after everything, her smile could still light up a room. I remembered her smile well.
I smiled back, God I missed the woman she was. Well, the one I knew.
“You’re shy, aren’t you?” she asked.
“A little bit,” I admitted, too afraid to make eye contact.
“If you’re gonna be in my
