Wait. She wouldn’t have been able to piece that together before. Something had changed, shifted. Maybe reliving the memories didn’t work the way I thought it would, but she had held on to something. It seemed like she at least remembered me from the last little while.
But I didn’t speak on it; I just nodded, still feeling awful about the entire situation. What changed? I knew if I spoke I would burst into tears. I just sat there. I just sat there and I listened.
“I see, hon.” She nodded as she held on to my hand. “I feel like I met you before, but I fear that was a lifetime ago.”
It was a lifetime ago, but I still felt awful after she said that.
“Those memories we shared, I’m afraid they’re too far gone from me,” she continued. I looked away—I didn’t want her to see me cry anymore. Before I could get up and turn, I felt her squeeze my hand and she said to me, “I think the biggest problem we have is being too afraid to let go. We’re so afraid about what happens when we release our grip. We’re afraid that we’ll be left in the dark, we’re afraid that we’ll be alone. But dear, believe me when I say it isn’t the end. Things only end so we can start something else. Do you want to create something new with me?”
She didn’t remember our past, but she remembered me here, now, in this moment. That wasn’t possible until Clay did…whatever he did. I could hear the genuine warmth in Nan’s voice. It was warmth that put me at ease. I didn’t want to let Nan go. I didn’t want to just leave her behind. Being around her hurt a lot at first. But she was right. We could create new memories together, if the old ones were too far out of her reach. She still had so much fight in her, and I had to hold on. That’s the only thing I could do. Hold on.
She smiled. “My name is Tanya.”
“I know your name.” I cracked a smile
“Then how were we connected, Anna?”
“Because I’m your granddaughter.” I smiled through tears.
“Ahh, I always wondered when Jayla would give me one of those.” She gripped my hand even tighter.
“You always had one.” I laughed. She laughed too.
She held on to my hand for a while, and I gripped hers back. Sure, she didn’t have the same memories from the time we shared together, but I would create more with the time she had left. I didn’t think that would be a hard task; she was the most timeless woman I’d ever known.
Chapter 15
I didn’t remember falling asleep, but I awoke to someone poking me.
“Woah, cut it out!”
“Shhh! Anna, it’s me. Tia.” She put a hand on my shoulder.
I looked over to see Nan still asleep. She looked comfortable. “What time is it?”
“Three thirty in the morning.”
I rubbed my eyes and sat up straight. “Why did you wake me up?”
“Because I got tired of waiting, duh.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t thinking straight. I reached for my phone. “Oh, shit.” I had ten text messages and six missed calls from Mom.
“Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.”
“Don’t worry. I called her,” Tia assured me. “I told her Tanya was okay, but she’s still coming. She should be here soon.”
Thank God for Tia. I felt like I could catch my breath. But then I thought of Clay. Was he okay? I had to get back home, fast. Once I got to my feet, Tia locked eyes with me.
“Anna, I think it’s time to talk.” She crossed her arms.
She was right. I must have broken the “how long can you hide your imaginary friend” record. I always thought I could keep Clay a secret forever. But eventually, forever ends. Forever ended now.
“Okay,” I said.
Tia followed me out of the room and closed the door. I turned around to face her.
“I don’t even know where to start.”
“Dude, what was that thing at your grandparents’ place?!” Tia was trying to piece everything together. “You said that was Clay? Clay isn’t real, he’s just some imaginary friend you made up when you were a kid.”
“To be fair, I did tell you about him when we were kids. You didn’t believe me.”
“Of course I didn’t. Everyone had an imaginary friend. And that’s exactly what they were—imaginary!”
“He’s more than that,” I replied. “He always was.”
“What does that even mean?” Tia raised her arms in the air.
“It means…Clay was never just an imaginary friend. Clay was always real. He always ate too many of Nan’s cookies, and I blamed it on Grampy. He was always afraid to sleep alone, so we shared the bed in my room. He always thought you sounded really cool, and wanted to meet you someday,” I told her. “But he was afraid. He was afraid of being caught because he was afraid of being taken away.”
“Taken away?” I had never seen Tia’s eyes wider than they were right then. “I…I don’t even know what to say right now.”
“Neither do I.” I put a hand on her shoulder. “But this is where we are.”
Tia looked like she was about to say something, but then we heard footsteps from down the hall. I looked to see Mom. Her eyes were wide open and her hair was falling out of her elastic.
“Mom!” I ran towards her. She wrapped me in a hug and held on tight. “I’m so sorry. I’m so so so sorry,” I said.
“Shhh,” she cut in. “None of this is your fault.”
If she only knew.
I looked back at Tia, and wondered if she was going to tell Mom. We locked eyes and I could see the tension, confusion, and distrust in hers. But eventually Tia sighed, which was somewhat reassuring.
“Where is she?” Mom
