I always felt alone in my journey. Even though most of the time it was by my doing; I always held a barrier between me and my friends. From Tia, from Clay, even from Mom. I don’t know why I was so afraid to let everyone enter my world. Maybe it was because everyone in my world wouldn’t let me into theirs. There was so much I didn’t know about Mom, there was so much I didn’t know about Grampy, and then there was my dad.
“Clarity isn’t a journey you have to go on alone.” Tia put a hand on my shoulder. “Anna, you were always so distant, but now I see why. Our experiences—the good, the bad—they form us and make us who we are. You’ve been living alongside mystery your entire life, and somewhere along the line you became one. But we’re your friends, and we’ll walk with you every step of the way.”
Tia embraced me.
“She’s right.” Clay put a hand on my shoulder. “However we move forward, we can do it together. Maybe the worlds colliding isn’t such a bad thing.” Clay sat down, and rested his head on my shoulder.
They were right. Having my worlds collide wasn’t the worst thing. We were just there, holding onto each other. I think that’s what I needed most. The reassurance, the love, and the support. I thought my worlds would collapse when they met, but now I felt stronger than ever.
I was ready to move forward.
I was ready for clarity.
Chapter 17
“Where are those damn pages?” I asked, navigating through the basement again. We were still deep into the night, and I wasn’t ready to stop.
“There’s a lot of clutter down here,” Tia observed. “Who knows if they’re still here.”
“They have to be,” I said, opening boxes of books and taking everything out.
Tia was looking through Grampy’s desk for stray papers.
“Score!” I heard her yell.
“You find them?” I looked back.
“Oh. Uh, no.” She raised a paper to show me what she was holding. “I just saw I passed my essay.”
I shook my head and smiled. “Weirdo.” I looked around. “Clay, a little help would be nice?”
“It would,” he said. “If they were here. You already searched this place for a week.”
“They have to be here,” I said, wiping dust off my face. “Unless Mom threw them out.”
“I doubt that,” Clay replied. “And besides, if they were here, you know I would have found them by now. I think if he tore them out, he wouldn’t leave them for someone to find. If your grandfather wanted you to find them, you would have.”
“He’s right,” Tia said. “Something about this sounds too easy. And Anna, we’ve been up all night. You should get some rest.”
“I can’t, we’re so close. I can feel it,” I pleaded.
“We can always come back to it,” Clay said gently.
As much as I didn’t want to admit it, they were right. I was exhausted and should have gotten rest hours ago.
“We can come back to this later, I promise,” Tia said.
Tia went home shortly after that; took off into the sunrise. I was still wide awake even though we had been up all night.
I texted Mom looking for an update, but I didn’t expect to hear back until later that morning. I went upstairs to my bed, and when I laid down it felt like gravity kicked in full force. God, that felt good.
Clay tucked me in as Grampy usually did.
“What’s this about?” I laughed.
“Oh, uh,” Clay stammered. “I’m sorry, it—”
“Feels like routine, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, yeah it does.”
“Maybe it’s part of him living inside of you.”
“Maybe.” Clay sat down on the chair beside my bed. “Are you gonna go to school tomorrow?”
“It’s like six a.m.,” I said with a laugh. “We’ve been up all night. Was that him, too?”
“No, I can assure you it was me.”
“Why do you care, anyways?”
“Because it’s important,” Clay said. “It was important to you in Halifax, it should be important to you here. Besides, you need to get out of the house.”
“That last part was him.”
“I’ll give you that.”
I laughed, and Clay laughed too.
My phone buzzed and I saw Mom’s name.
Mom: They want to keep her for a bit longer
Me: How is she doing?
Mom: She’s asked me when I planned on telling her she had a granddaughter. I don’t know, what’s going on, but she seems to remember your name, says she sees you around the house. What happened? That wasn’t the situation before.
Me: A lot, Mom, we had a talk. ?
Mom: I can see that. I’m glad you did.
Me: When will you be home?
Mom: Not for a while. Are you with Tia?
Me: No, she went home.
Mom: Are you good staying by yourself?
Me: I’ll be fine, really. ?
I wasn’t alone. I had my best friend sitting at my bedside.
“How is she?” Clay’s voice filled up the room.
“She’s fine,” I replied. I waited a beat and then said, “You know, a part of it worked.”
“What do you mean?” Clay asked, surprised.
“She remembers my name. Says she seen me at the house, told me she wants to create something new with me. I don’t know how it happened, but maybe what you did somehow repair a piece of her mind? Not completely, but enough to make her realize we need to start something new.”
“Wow,” Clay
