Tillie’s heart pounded in her ears. Sheswallowed hard. Her shoes squished through puddles of drying blood.She approached the man who waited patiently for the surgeon. Sheforced a smile. “You’ll be all right, soldier.” Her salivary glandsbegan to tingle, and her mouth filled with metallic tastingsaliva.
He nodded and held out his right hand.
She glanced at his blood-covered fingers,slapped her own hand over her mouth, and fled.
Doctor Billings’s voice followed her. “Well,I had hope for her.”
* * * *
By the grace of God, she made it outsidebefore her vomit splashed in the yard. What would Mrs. Weikert orBeckie say if she had a mishap on the floor? Tillie coughed andgagged a few more times, wiped her mouth on her sleeve, and let thetears flow down her cheeks. She leaned against the side of thehouse, her shoulder against the cold stone, face buried in herarm.
“Arrrrhhhh.” She wept deep, bitter tears. “Iwant to go home. I don’t want to be here. I want my mother.” Sheraised a fist and pounded it against the stone. A jolt of pain shotdown her arm, and she focused on it to calm herself. Still, shedrew in deep, gulping breaths of air.
“Feel better?”
Tillie spun to her left to see Dan Weikertstanding by the corner of the house, his deep blue eyes studyingher face.
She spun away and used her apron to wipe herface and eyes. “Did you come out to laugh at me?”
“No, of course not. I was just coming back tothe house, and I heard you crying.” He stepped toward her. “I’msorry I can’t protect you. I’m sorry you have to see what you’veseen. It isn’t right. I would have protected you if I could.”
Tillie half turned and studied his face. Washe making fun of her? Was he serious? He was only thirteen yearsold, only six months older than Sam. What did he know of protectingwomen?
“Thank you.”
He took another step closer. “You shouldn’tbe out here in the dark. It isn’t safe.” Dan took hold of her elbowin a gentle grasp. “Come.” He led her into the kitchen. “Goodnight.” He offered her a solemn smile and moved to join his fathermaking coffins, but his fingers lingered on her elbow before heleft.
The kitchen, filled to capacity, could nothold one more person. Tillie dried her face, rinsed her mouth withsome water, and plodded upstairs.
She reached the dining room, but couldn’tbring herself to step over the threshold. A new man waited whileDoctor Billings prepared to saw the man’s foot off. The soldierclasped his hands together as though praying, but his constantthank yous made it clear he would rather go through the agony ofamputation, than deal with the pain any longer.
Billings patted the man’s shoulder, nodded athis medic, who jammed the cattle horn down over the patient’s noseand mouth. Within minutes, the soldier became unconscious. Thedoctor went to work. When he finished, he beckoned Tillie into theroom.
She walked with halting steps, uncertain andafraid he would chastise her.
“Feel better?” His eyes flicked in herdirection as the orderlies dropped a new man in front of him.
“I’m sorry.” Her body shook, and shesuppressed an urge to cry. But her eyes filled with freshtears.
“Happens to all of us the first time.” Hebegan examining the wound and didn’t glance her way. “I remember inmedical school seeing my first cadaver. My professor laughed as Iran out to empty my stomach. Thought he’d kick me out of medschool.”
Tillie stepped closer. “What happened?”
Doctor Billings shrugged. He took great careto pick the fabric out of the wound before extracting the bullet.“He pulled me aside after class and said I’d gone through the riteof passage of anyone called to this duty. He would’ve questioned mydesire to be a doctor, had I responded any other way.” Now heappraised her and smiled. “You’ve had your ‘rite of passage’. Areyou ready to get to work?”
Tillie wiped her nose and eyes. “Yes,sir.”
* * * *
Morning sunshine streamed through the window,warming Tillie’s face, and the change in light woke her. Openingher eyes, she yawned, stretched, and shot upright in bed as thoughblasted from a cannon. “Oh heavens, what time is it?” she askedBeckie, only to find her gone.
Tillie finally got to bed sometime around twoin the morning, too tired to undress, and climbed into bed fullyclothed. Beckie snored beside her.
Now, she flung back the covers, hopped out,and slipped on her shoes. She threw the bed covers up, and thenraced down to General Weed, afraid he’d think she forgot him.
Mrs. Weikert and Mrs. Schriver put away thelast of the breakfast dishes as Tillie entered the basementkitchen. Beckie worked at the table, preparing another round ofbread.
“Good morning, Beckie.” Tillie approached thetable, irked, and determined to confront her. “Why didn’t you wakeme when you got up?”
“You were so deep asleep. I didn’t want tobother you.” Beckie made a show of pulling together her ingredientsfor bread making. She refused to meet Tillie’s eyes.
There had to be more to Beckie’s answer. Shesearched the girl’s face, to no avail. Her body went lax as shegave up trying to understand.
Tillie started ask to Mrs. Schriver for food,but her neighbor closed the cupboard door with a bang. She reachedinto her apron pocket and produced a key to lock the cupboard.Beckie smirked as she began mixing the dough.
A plate of sliced bread waited for thesoldiers. Still, she couldn’t resist and ate a slice, chewing asshe searched the room for General Weed. He and his companion stilloccupied the corner from last night. She started toward them,turned back, and grabbed the plate.
Mr. Weikert came in and crossed the room infront of Tillie. She stopped short to let him pass. He held thewell pump handle in his left hand, which he placed on the floorbehind some barrels stored underneath the stairway, out of sight tothe casual observer.
Strange. Tillie followed him with her eyes ashe walked past again, winked at her, and went to his wife. Hewhispered in her ear and left again.
Did anyone else find this odd? No oneappeared to find it strange, so she went to visit General Weed andhis companion.
The captain sat against the
