I grip the comforter with my free hand. I’m confused.
“What you really need, little one, is for someone to never let you down. You need someone to be committed enough to stay through thick and thin.”
I swallow, trying to internalize what he’s saying.
“Think about it. You told me yourself that your previous boyfriends all broke up with you. They disappointed you and made you feel inadequate.”
I bite my lip and then release it. “That’s crazy. You’re not even my boyfriend. This was a two-week arrangement. I knew that going in.”
“Is that what you want? Do you want this to be over?”
I squirm, but he holds my hand tighter. “No,” I whisper.
“And how long have you known that?” he prods.
A tear runs down my face and I swipe at it with my free hand. “Probably since the first night,” I murmur, embarrassed.
He sets his hand down alongside me and leans closer. His voice is deeper. “I’ve known that long too, little one. Probably longer. It was stupid of me not to discuss it with you. I made you think I would also leave you just like the others.”
I shudder and lift my gaze to meet his.
He continues. “I was so wrapped up in your childhood that I failed to see there was more to it. I kept thinking about how your parents barely acknowledged your misbehavior growing up. And I don’t mean to blame them for anything. I’m sure they’re wonderful people who did the best they could. I have no doubt they love you to pieces. But you craved something they didn’t give you. Boundaries.”
I nod. “We talked about that. We already knew I craved boundaries.”
“We did, but I twisted things in my head and began to think you weren’t interested in staying with me, and therefore defied me, when that wasn’t the reason at all. You sabotaged our relationship because you thought I would leave you. You thought it would be easier if you got it over with. Didn’t you?”
Another tear falls. This time, Master Kellen gently wipes it with his thumb. I nod. “I’ve been half in love with you from the moment I arrived. I was never, for one minute, not interested,” I admit.
He smiles.
I lower my gaze. “None of this changes the fact that I can’t seem to be good for you. I want to be. I told myself every morning that I would be good, and I never made it until lunchtime.”
He chuckles. “That’s for sure, but I didn’t mind.”
I jerk my face upward. “You did. You told me you wouldn’t tolerate that kind of behavior on more than one occasion.”
He squeezes my hand. “That’s because I won’t tolerate it. You’re right. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want you. It means you’re going to get punished every time you misbehave. If I hadn’t spent the entire time you were there worrying about the fact that I was falling hard for you, knowing you were going to leave me, I might have been able to see the forest for the trees.”
“I didn’t want to leave you,” I murmur.
He smiles at me. “And I should have simply asked. I should have checked in with you at least every other day to see where you were emotionally. It was wrong of me to assume, and worse, pretend I didn’t care.”
“Do you? Care, I mean?” I’m hopeful for the first time.
“So very much, little one. I was wrong about a lot of things. I never should have insisted I couldn’t tolerate a brat, nor should I have made you believe my wife was somehow perfect. She was human. She made mistakes. We grew together.”
“Did she defy you every day and end up spanked and in a timeout?” I know the answer to this already.
“No, but you’re not meant to be just like her. You’re you. You have your own needs and wants. You’re not in my life to replace Stacy. You’re in my life to make it fuller and richer. It might take me some time to adjust, and I will make mistakes, but I’m here to plead with you to give me another chance.”
Now tears run down my face, which is impressive, considering how many times I’ve cried in the last twenty-four hours. My lip trembles.
He releases my hand and reaches for my cheek, rubbing away my tears with both thumbs before cupping my face. “I can’t promise you perfection or anything close, but I can promise you I won’t leave you. I’m not those other guys you dated. I don’t care if you are bossy and domineering. Instead of being offended, I’ll take it as a challenge.” He grins. “That doesn’t mean you’ll get away with it. You won’t. In my home, you will not be permitted to misbehave. If you insist on challenging me on this, I will assume you enjoy having a sore bottom and that you like the color of my walls up close and personal.”
I chuckle at his joke. “I don’t like the color of your paint, actually.”
“Then we’ll have someone come redo it.”
I giggle now. “That’s not what I meant.”
“I know, baby girl. I was teasing. What I’m saying is that I don’t think you’re a brat. Not the kind who gets off on being naughty. Not the kind whose only interest in our arrangement is the punishment side of things. I think you just need some time to trust that I won’t bend, and more importantly, I won’t leave. My rules are firm. The boundaries I set are not negotiable. You’ll follow my rules or you’ll be punished and spend a lot of nights squirming without the release you crave. However, no matter how often you misbehave or how hard you push me, I won’t leave you.”
I drop the comforter and fling myself at him, climbing onto his lap and straddling him. I hold his cheeks in my hands. “Do you mean it,
