“Ana, please.” Carter gave her a kind of frustrated smile, and she smiled back up at him. Out of nowhere I was hit by an irrational surge of jealousy, as I watched Carter return her smile with a proper one.
“Ana, your turn, baby.” I’d never been so happy for Kian interrupting, as they stared into each other’s eyes.
She tore her gaze away from Carter, shrugging out from under his arm to lean forwards and spin. The bottle seemed to spin forever, and we all watched in silence as it slowed. Most of the boys looked hopeful—and why wouldn’t they? Anastasia was beautiful, and popular, and connected.
The bottle slowed to a stop, and my stomach sank. Her eyes flicked to mine, and the dread I felt was reflected in her eyes. “No. I pick a forfeit.” Her voice was firm.
I stared down at the bottle, not really taking it in. It was pointing directly at me.
“What’s the matter? Scared of kissing me?” Who am I and what are these words coming out of my mouth?
“I’m not scared. I just know where your mouth’s been, and I don’t want to catch anything.” She grimaced, then added, “You shouldn’t even be here. You don’t belong with us.”
The combination of the alcohol, the jealousy, and the pure frustration with my situation with Carter sent the words pouring from my lips before I could censor them. “Says who? What exactly is it about me that makes me so undesirable, huh?”
Stop talking! What am I saying?
Everyone stared at me in shock. Anastasia’s mouth opened and closed a few times. “You don’t fit in with us,” she eventually said.
“Ana.” At Imogen’s soft reprimand, Anastasia sat back with a huff.
“I already know what your forfeit is gonna be.”
Before Kian had even finished speaking, Anastasia flew to her feet, storming around the crate to me. “Fine. I’ll kiss her.” Then she grabbed my arm, pulling me to my feet. We both froze, our faces close together. Up close, I could see the jade green of her eyes, with silver flecks, and the light dusting of freckles across her tiny nose. She licked her lips, and I realised she was nervous.
Anastasia, nervous? The untouchable ice queen? Her pause gave me the confidence to do what I did next. I closed the gap between us and placed my lips on hers. She kissed me back hesitantly, then gaining confidence, followed my lead.
We must’ve only kissed for a few seconds before we both pulled away from each other, but everyone around us had gone completely silent. Anastasia’s hand flew to her mouth, and then her expression turned hard. She tossed her glossy hair over her shoulder, back to her usual self.
“Not bad, Laurent. I guess you kiss alright, for a frigid virgin.”
Fuck you.
“That was hot as fuck,” Xavier murmured to sounds of agreement, and I suddenly became aware of everyone staring at us. My cheeks reddened at the attention. I couldn’t help my gaze flicking over to Carter, and I was surprised to see anger there. I watched as Anastasia slid back into place next to him, and he threw his arm over her shoulder again, burying his face in her hair.
It was all too much. “I need some air,” I said, and fled, making my way for the safety of the door.
23
“You’re so far out of your comfort zone, you’re in another orbit.” Lena’s voice stopped me in my tracks. Making my way over to the dim corner of the container where she was standing, I sat on an upturned crate, my legs shaky.
“What does that even mean?” I turned to look at her paint-splattered face, which was beaming with pride.
“I never thought I’d see the day when you and Anastasia Egerton would kiss. I’ve been watching you, and honestly, I thought you would’ve tapped out before they even started playing, but you’ve surprised me. In a good way. You’re a lot stronger than you realise, Raine. Look how you held your own over there.” Her voice held a note of impressed disbelief, if that was even a thing, and warmth filled me.
“I did, didn’t I? I managed to hold my own.” My voice lowered. “I think I made Anastasia nervous.”
Lena nodded. “Yeah, she’s not as confident as she pretends to be. Most of those guys over there, they’re all too afraid to be themselves. Too scared of losing their position at the top, too scared to be different.” She smiled at me. “You? You’re being yourself.”
With those words, a series of mental images flashed through my mind—Carter, gripping my throat. Pressing his fingers into my thigh. Roughly kissing and touching me.
“What if there’s another side to me I keep hidden?” I whispered the words, hardly daring to say them aloud.
“Like what?” Lena stared at me, intrigued. I glanced around us, but nobody was close enough to overhear or pay any attention.
“A side I only discovered recently. I…” I swallowed nervously. “I think I like…umm. Kind of rough stuff. With a guy.”
Lena’s brows flew up, her eyes almost popping out of her head. “Totally not what I expected you to say.” She studied me. “Is this to do with Carter?”
I nodded slowly. “I know it doesn’t make sense. I…before I got to know you, last summer I had a thing with this guy, Ralph. We mostly just fooled around, never went too far. Just you know, hands.” I blushed, dropping my gaze to the floor. “I never got turned on. I was attracted to him, and he was good-looking, kind of Clark Kent vibes. I thought there was something wrong with me. Until Carter.”
“What does that mean? How does it relate to being rough? Raine, did he hurt you?”
“The first time he…he had his hand around my throat, it was like someone flicked a switch in me.” I clamped my mouth shut, unable to look at her, too afraid of what she would think.
“Flicked a switch how?”
My throat was
