By the time Anders leaves the house, I understand to avoid answering the door and to stay inside with everything locked.
Yet, despite us hiding, my family is safe. Future naps in a chair while holding a block. Dove sits in another chair, looking outside rather than at the television. Mama relaxes on the same couch as me. We watch a show where three people cook very quickly before three other people judge the food. I like how sweaty the chefs get.
“Why didn’t you say more when those women browbeat me?” I ask Mama during a commercial.
“I’m trying not to feed my monster,” she says, holding her stomach. “This home is not what I imagined for my life. I don’t understand how things work here. But I want the gifts of my womb to have food and a warm bed. If I have to bite my tongue, I will do it.”
“But they were rude.”
“You’re no longer a child. You stood up to them. And, most importantly, you learned which of them would help you. My silence was a good thing.”
Reaching for her hand, I whisper, “You seem sad.”
“I couldn’t figure out how to feed my children,” Mama mumbles and waves at the stove. “If left up to me, we’d starve.”
“Three of us tried to figure it out, Mama.” When I recall how easy the solution turned out to be, I start giggling. “Three women couldn’t figure out how to push in the knob.”
Mama smiles before laughing behind her hand. Dove smiles nearby. We are so clueless in this world.
“I want us to be together,” Mama says, reaching over to hold Dove’s hand. “The Village was killing us, but I didn’t know where to go. I kept waiting for John Marks to fall over and crack his fat head on something. He’s so clumsy, but that was a dumb hope for a dumb man. He never would have died, and we would have starved. It’s good that you helped Anders. He opened his house to us. His people aren’t Dandelions, but they’re better than the Volkshalberd.”
Suddenly, Dove walks to the back doors and looks out over the yard.
Worried, I ask, “Do you see danger?”
“I’m wondering about the water,” she says dreamily. “Is the big area like a bath too?”
“I didn’t go in the pool.”
Dove touches the glass door. “Do you think Anders would let us go in it?”
“But it’ll be dark,” Mama says.
“There are lights in the pool,” I say, causing Dove’s eyes to widen. “I don’t know if it’s cold, though. The hot tub has the word ‘hot’ in the name, and the pool doesn’t. I’m not sure what the rules are.”
“Anders will explain when he returns,” Mama says and then frowns at the doors. “What’s that in the corner of the yard? I see movement.”
“Birds,” Dove answers.
I smile at Mama. “You need glasses.”
“They have some at the one dollar store.”
“Those are for reading. You need the kind for far away.”
Mama sighs. “More money to spend. Anders won’t let us stay if we keep wasting his money.”
Frowning, I don’t know if she’s right. Anders wants me. But he’s also been agitated since I’ve been in his house. Maybe he won’t want us around after John Marks is dead, and we can return to the Village.
“It’s only been two days,” I tell Mama. “It’s all very new.”
“He only wanted you.”
“Well, I only wanted him,” I admit and shrug. “Not all his friends or his club or those women from today.”
“Topanga is nice. Lana too. And the one sister voted for a chicken coop.”
“Yes, and you, Dove, and Future are nice, too. Anders only wanted me, but he got my family. I only wanted him, and I got his club. It’s even.”
Mama looks at me as if I’m too young to understand. She might be right. I feel overwhelmed by the rules and the many buttons to push and the names of people. When I dreamed of Anders taking me for a ride on his big bicycle, I never imagined this house. I didn’t even know places like this existed.
I’m curious about what the rest of this area looks like. Are the houses all the same? Who lives here? Those people come to this house, but I don’t know where they go when they leave. I feel as if my fantasy about Anders was very small—him and me and his loud bike—and the reality is very large and complicated.
That’s how he probably sees his new life with my family. His house must have been very quiet before we arrived. I don’t think he ate here often. That’s why the fridge had no food. What did Anders do with himself before we arrived? Did he sit in silence?
No, he went to the clubhouse named after a chicken. He also watched movies in his special room downstairs. At home, he was alone. At the clubhouse, he was with his friends. Also, I think Rooster’s is where the bunny women live.
Sighing, I rest my head on the back of the couch. “It’s only been two nights here. One for you. It’s still confusing and new. I don’t know what Anders will be like tonight. He’s always different. But I believe he enjoys doing stuff for people. Not everyone. But he smiled at Future playing with the toys.”
Mama remains unconvinced. Anders isn’t like the men she knew at the Collective or even at the Village. Money confuses her. I think the real reason she didn’t stand up to the women today was that she feels out of sorts. Mama hasn’t figured out how to be herself in this place. I feel the same way. I’m not me now. Maybe Anders isn’t Anders anymore, either.
Change isn’t bad in itself. The world has to keep moving, or it’ll die. We’ll just have to find a way to change without losing what makes
