I sighed sadly when I thought about what a mess our relationship had become, but I was determined to make it up to him once I got back to NY. However, I still didn’t have a plan or even the slightest idea of how to accomplish that. I wanted to believe that Nina would fuck things up on her own, but I wasn’t patient enough to wait around for that.
A little thread of doubt floated across my mind, but I refused to admit that any part of me wanted to stay here. Yeah, it was nice having my own ballet studio, but what was the point if Ryan wasn’t here to share it with me?
Maverik and Kingston somehow wormed their way inside my thoughts, but I pushed them away, shoved them out, and locked the door behind them. I dialed Ryan’s number again since he didn’t pick up the first time.
“Hey!” Ryan said as soon as he picked up the phone. “You must be psychic because I was just thinking about you.”
“In a good way or a bad way?” I teased him.
“In an, I wish you were here right now way,” he answered, and I could hear the grin in his voice.
“What are you doing?” I asked curiously.
“Sitting on my couch, debating on what I want to watch on Netflix. It’s just not as fun without your running commentary,” he joked.
“I bet you regret throwing popcorn in my hair all those times,” I laughed.
“Nope. That’s part of the fun that I miss.” His voice had a hint of wistfulness in it that mirrored my own feelings.
“I wish you were here with me,” I confessed as I started to stretch.
“What’s changed?” Ryan asked sharply.
“What?” I stopped what I was doing in confusion.
“You lack your usual desperation to return to me,” he chuckled, but I could hear an edge to it. “Usually, you tell me how much you want to come back to New York. Today you actually sound…happy?”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“No,” Ryan said softly. “It’s just… I’m selfish. I don’t want you moving on without me. You know it’s going to kill me when you finally get a new best friend.”
Guilt flooded through me. I had instantly connected with Abby, but she wasn’t a replacement for Ryan - things were completely different between us. Ryan and I had years of history that no one else could ever compete with.
“Ry,” I comforted him. “You know that I love you more than anything else in this world.”
He gave a loud sigh. “I know, KitKat. But I feel like you’re leaving me behind. You have this giant, fancy house, famous parents, and I’m worried that all of that is going to start changing you.”
I laughed. “You know I’ll never change.” There was silence on the other side of the line. “Ry?” I asked softly.
He chuckled, but I could hear the bitterness underneath. “I gotta go back to my mundane life. I’ll talk to you later.”
I was shocked when he just hung up the phone. What was going on with him? Ryan had never been anything but supportive of me. It sucked that I couldn’t just bring him here with me, but I never thought that something as stupid as money would ever come between us. He knew that I would always share everything I owned with him. That was the way it’s always been.
I sat to take off my pointe shoes to get ready for Abby to come over, and that’s when it hit me.
I hadn’t been thinking about how much it sucked to be away from New York; I thought it sucked I couldn’t bring Ryan here with me. When had that changed? Maybe he was right.
I only felt worse when I walked back into the house, and Mr. Ferguson asked me if I wanted anything for lunch. I had gone from scrounging around in a half-empty pantry to having anything I wanted at my fingertips.
I almost decided not to ask Mr. Ferguson if someone could drive me back to Bedford Academy to get Abby, but I sucked it up and asked anyway. I couldn’t hide in my room, alone all day, just because I was embarrassed by my newfound good fortune. I missed the freedom of simply being able to walk out the door and hop on the subway, but I was going to have to adjust.
But who knew how long I would even be living this lifestyle? If Richard got rid of my mother, I would be out of a home as well. I hoped the Logans would take me back in that situation, because there was no way that my dear mother would have the slightest bit of interest in being a parent. She was only tolerating me now because of Richard.
After I took a shower, I looked through my closet for a swimsuit. Mrs. Logan had bought one for me last year when Ryan had to do pool therapy for a month because of an injury. But I had stayed on the sidelines to do our homework while Ryan was in the pool - no need to risk drowning myself when I could stay safe and dry. It wasn’t the most fashionable swimsuit out there, but it would be fine for just me and Abby.
Abby: I bribed one of the guys to drop me off at your house. Be there in 20.
I smiled when I got Abby’s text. I hated to admit it, because I liked to think that I was a strong, independent woman, but being alone in this cavernous house was depressing. I felt like an ungrateful bitch complaining about the fact that my mansion was too big, but I would give anything to be back in my small apartment with Babulya…and Ryan.
But I couldn’t turn back time. I had to keep
