I looked at where she was pointing to where the bra cut in under her arms and rolled my eyes. “You don’t have a fat bulge,” I assured her.
Abby looked over at me. “Uggh, how are you so skinny?”
I looked at our images in the mirror, side by side. Abby was all soft curves where I was muscle and bone. I was used to staring at my body and looking at it as a never-ending project that needed constant improvements. However, Kingston had reminded me that what a ballet company saw as ideal wasn’t the same as what everyone else thought.
“I’m pretty sure most guys would look at us standing side by side, and pick you,” I said dryly. “My body has the clean lines I need for ballet, but you look good in everyday life.”
Abby flounced back in the dressing room to try something else, but I stood in front of the mirror for a little longer. For the first time, I tried to look at myself as something other than a ballerina.
I was always so worried about what company directors would see when they looked at my form, that I never really thought about what others might think. Thoughts of Maverik snuck in, but I didn’t immediately push them away. What did he see when he looked at me? Was I too bony? Too flat-chested? Could he ever be attracted to someone like me?
Did it matter what anyone else thought? Especially Maverik.
I scowled and went back into the fitting room to put my regular clothes on. I wasn’t going to change who I was to impress some guy. I froze when I realized that’s exactly what I was doing. I was forcing myself to look like what other people considered to be the perfect ballerina. If I didn’t care what other people thought, what would my body look like? How would I want to look?
My mind spun with the possibilities, but this wasn’t the place for existential thoughts. Practically speaking, if I wanted to be a ballerina, then I needed to look the part. Conundrum solved.
I found a comfortable chair to lounge in while Abby tried on what seemed like every single item in the store. She kept the saleswoman running back and forth to get new colors and sizes while I browsed through my Instagram. I paused on a photo posted by Misty Copeland. She defied the usual standards for a ballerina with her toned, yet still feminine physique. Her body looked strong, not bony. She was proud and confidant in her womanly shape.
However, I was nowhere near as talented as Misty Copeland. Maybe at some point in my career, I’d be well-respected enough to change the body standards of the ballet industry, but not today. I needed an artistic director to look at me and see my potential as a future soloist or principal dancer. I couldn’t afford to be an outlier before I even got my foot in the door. I needed to fit the mold that they wanted.
I flicked Instagram closed, because these thoughts were too heavy of an addition to everything else that was swirling in my mind.
The doorbell rang, signaling that someone else was in the shop. The saleswoman disappeared to greet her new customers, and I heard the voices of two women.
“Kat!” Abby shouted from the fitting room. “Can you get me this in black?”
A bra came flying over the top of the door and smacked into the opposite wall.
“Sure, Abby,” I said with a laugh.
I needed a good distraction from my dark thoughts. I walked around the store, trying to find what Abby needed, but everything just looked too similar. I glanced over at the saleswoman for help, but she was engaged with one of her new customers.
“You’re Katya,” a woman said in a quiet voice behind me.
I whirled around to see a brunette in her mid-thirties.
“Do we know each other?” I asked suspiciously.
“I’m Natalya,” she answered in a defeated tone. “I believe we have a mutual friend.”
My jaw dropped. “I wasn’t expecting…um,”
“A woman?” Natalya said with a quirk of her mouth.
“Yeah,” I admitted with an awkward shrug.
“Sometimes women can go where men can’t,” Natalya answered. “At least, not without casting suspicion on their actions.”
I leaned forward to talk to her in a whisper. “I need more time.”
Natalya just looked tired. “Don’t we all?”
I chewed on my lower lip. “I’m being sent away for the summer by my mother. She’s making it impossible for me to do what I need to do.”
That may have been a little bit of an exaggeration, but Nina deserved part of the blame. After all, I wouldn’t be in this situation if it weren’t for her.
“Do you think you can talk to him?” I pleaded.
Natalya’s eyes were sad. “I don’t think you understand the cost of failure.”
“I do,” I whispered desperately. “But I’m trapped in an impossible situation.”
“I’ll do what I can,” Natalya said hesitantly. “But you don’t want to challenge these men.”
“Thank you,” I said with a breath of relief.
“Don’t thank me yet,” she said cryptically.
She wandered away, texting on her phone, and I tried not to stare after her. Whoever Natalya was, it was clear she didn’t have any real authority. She was beautiful and well-dressed, but she walked with a defeated slump of her shoulders. How had she gotten mixed up with the Bratva? Was she even here under her own free will?
Abby bounced out of the fitting rooms and toward me. “Never mind!” she said happily. “I found everything I needed.”
I took my two items up to the counter and set them alongside her giant pile.
“That’s it?” Abby asked with a raised brow.
I shrugged. “Yeah, I usually just
