Dougnoticed him staring at his own hand. “Ready for another one?”
“No,I think I’m done.” Richard pushed away the tumbler that had held Jackand Coke.
“Thisis supposed to be a celebration. I’m supposed to be congratulatingyou.”
“I’mthinking of getting out.” He hadn’t said the words out loud before now.
Richardappreciated that Doug didn’t immediately start arguing and cajoling.
“CanI ask why?” Doug finally asked.
Heoffered a fake grin. “Well, my knees aren’t going to last forever.”
“Fuckthat. Why?”
Heshrugged. “I don’t deserve the promotion.”
“Richey,that’s exactly why you deserve it. Nothing’s worse than an entitledasshole in command.”
Itwas nice of him to say so, but Doug had been on that last mission; heknew what had happened. Richard stared at the empty tumbler, tryingto figure out what to say to make his friend understand.
Dougkept talking. “You didn’t screw up. It could have happened to anyone.Besides, what’ll you do if you get out? You have some kind of plan?”
Hedidn’t. His skill sets were highly developed, but highly specialized.He could spend ten minutes underwater on one breath. He couldinfiltrate and escape any country on Earth undetected. He could snipe aSomali pirate on a life raft from a hundred yards on rough seas.
Hesaid, “Private sector? Make a fortune while the joints still work, thenfind a beach somewhere to retire to?”
Douggave him that “bullshit” look again. “Sounds like a waste of meat tome. Maybe you can buy an ice cream stand.” He smiled, indicating he’dmeant to tell a joke. But he kept studying Richard. “That last trip outreally spooked you.”
Histeam was on call to mobilize for rescue operations. The four weeks ofboredom and two days of terror routine. This time they’d been taskedwith rescuing hostages from pirates in the Arabian Sea. The target he’dshot had been fifteen years old. At the time, all Richard cared aboutwas that the guy had an AK-47 pointed at a boatful of civilians.
Thepeople he was killing were younger and younger, while he was feelingolder and older. He didn’t know where it ended. When it was his turn,he supposed. So what was the point? Just do as much good as he coulduntil then. By shooting teenagers.
Yeah,it had probably spooked him.
Doug’sphone rang. “I have to take this. My sister’s been in labor all day andMom said she’d call with news. I’m going to be an uncle.” He grinnedbig as a sunrise.
“Congratulations,”Richard said as Doug trotted out the door. Richardwas happy for Doug, and Doug’s sister, the whole family. But that lefthim sitting alone, staring at the rows of bottles on the back wall.
“CanI get you something else?” The bartender was an older woman—Richardcouldn’t guess her age, either a worn fifty or a youthfulsixty-something. Not the usual young and hip type of bartender. Shemight have been doing this her whole life.
Hegestured with the empty tumbler. “Naw, I’m good.”
“Looks like you gotleft.”
“Hehad a phone call. He’ll be back.”
Hemust have looked like he was in need of conversation, because she keptgoing. “You stationed out at Coronado?”
“Thatobvious?” he said.
“Weget a lot of you boys out here. You have the look.”
“What look is that?”
“Let’sjust say we don’t get a lot of trouble here, when you and your friendsare around.”
Itwasn’t his build, because he wasn’t that big. It was the attitude. Youspotted guys like him not by the way they looked, but by the way theywalked into a room. Surveyed the place, pegged everyone there, anddidn’t have anything to prove.
Dougcame back in and called out to the room, “It’s a girl! Seven poundseight ounces!” Everyone cheered, and he ducked back out with his phoneto his ear.
“Well,isn’t that nice?” the bartender said.
“I wouldn’t know.” It justslipped out.
“No siblings? No kids in the family?”
“Nofamily,” he said. “Mom died last year, I never knew my dad.”
“Well, I’msorry.”
“It’sjust how it is.” He shrugged, still staring at his empty glass, tryingto decide if he needed another. Probably not.
“Thenyou’re all alone in the world. The soldier seeking his fortune.”
Isthat what it looked like? He smiled. “I know that story. You’resupposed to give me some kind of advice, aren’t you? Some magical doodad?Here’s an invisible cloak, and don’t drink what the dancingprincesses give you. Or a sack that’ll trap anything, including death.”He’d have a use for a sack like that.
“Gotnothing for you but another Jack and Coke, hon. Sorry.”
“That’s okay.I’ll tip big anyway.”
“Youchange your mind about the drink?”
“Sure, I’ll take one more.”
Dougcame back in then. Richard expected him to start handing out cigars,but he just slapped his shoulder.
“I’man uncle! I’m going to head up to L.A. this weekend to see them. Can’twait. I have no idea what to bring—what do you give baby girls?”
“Blanketsand onesies,” the bartender said. “You can never have too many blanketsand onesies.”
“What’sa onesie?”
Richardraised his fresh drink in a toast. “Congratulations, brother.”
“Youknow what you should do?” Doug said, and Richard got a sinking feeling.“You should come with me. You’re going on leave—getthe hell out of San Diego, come to L.A. with me.”
“Iam not going to hang around while you visit a baby.” He couldn’t borrowsomeone else’s family.
“Youhave to do something,” he said. “You can’t just stay around here.You’ll go crazy. More crazy.”
Asoldier seeking his fortune. He didn’t even know where to start. Hedidn’t want to look at his hands.
“You think I’m crazy?”
“I’dbe lying if I said we weren’t worried about you.”
God,it was the whole team, then. “Right, okay, I’ll find a place to go onvacation. Do something normal.”
“Good.”
Normal.As if it could be that easy.
Hedidn’t remember learning to swim—he always knew. He did remember theday he noticed that none of the other kids at the pool had webbed feetand hands. He counted it a stroke of profound good luck that he nevergot teased about it. But everyone wanted him to hold his hands up, tolook at them, to touch his fingers, poke at the membranes of skin, thinenough that light showed through, highlighting blood vessels. He lovedto swim, and for a long time didn’t notice how
