“Yeah, of course we can,” Blake says. His voice doesn’t waver.
“You’re not seeing anyone?”
Blake huffs. “No.” And he makes it sound like it should be obvious, and maybe it is. Elliot doesn’t know what it’s like for Blake, if he’s even told anyone, or if he’s hiding it. He thinks about the night Blake called him, telling him that he needed to talk to someone who knew, someone who could even remotely understand how lonely he is.
“I know it’s hard,” Elliot says.
“Oh, do you know that it’s hard, huh?” There’s something vicious in the way Blake says it and it’s not something Elliot is used to at all. Blake has always been gentle with him, always so patient.
Elliot bristles, involuntarily, at the implication of it. “What are you trying to say?” he hisses, fighting to keep his voice low, because even though no one’s close enough to hear what they’re saying, they’re not alone out here. “That I have it easier somehow, because I like women, too?”
“Well, things seem to be working out fine for you,” Blake says.
“Fuck that,” Elliot says and stands up, because he doesn’t want to sit next to him anymore all of a sudden. “Do you think if I had it that fucking easy, I would be–” He stops himself before he says something he’s going to regret. Like, if he had it that fucking easy, would he be with anyone other than Blake? If they could have been together, wouldn’t he– Elliot takes a deep breath. No need to go down that road. Blake never really had feelings for him anyway, it was just convenient for both of them, and it was good while it lasted, but maybe Elliot caught himself wishing that it didn’t have to end every now and then in the course of the last three years.
That doesn’t matter now. He’s with Natalie. She makes him laugh and he misses her when he can’t see her and he’d actually rather crawl into bed with her instead of having this fight with Blake about who has it harder, like it’s some sort of competition. He shouldn’t have brought it up, Blake is drunk and Elliot is on the way there, because he decided to have a few beers with Adam after all. This conversation was never going to end well.
“I’m gonna go,” Elliot says. “Have a good season.”
Blake doesn’t reply and picks up his drink.
“What, you’re not even gonna say anything?”
It’s very Blake.
Elliot hates it. “Fine, be a fucking ass,” he says. “Drink some water,” he adds, because he can’t help himself.
He’s pretty sure that Blake scoffs at him as he walks away, but Elliot doesn’t turn around again.
#
Blake has been staring out into the darkness for so long that he can actually see the waves now, his eyes used to the dark. Out there, two people are chasing each other around the beach, both of them laughing, and a little further to his right, two people are whispering to each other, too far away for Blake to understand a word.
He wants to go home, wherever the fuck that is supposed to be. He doesn’t really have a place, because he doesn’t have a guaranteed roster spot with the Knights, but if he doesn’t fuck up during training camp, Dennis will have to find a different roommate. Blake is going to move in with Mattie for the time being and live in that little apartment he has in the basement. He hates that he doesn’t really have a place to go, not that he could drive anywhere with how many drinks he’s had. Brammer has told him from the start that there’ll be more than enough couches to sleep on, so maybe Blake should find himself one of those.
He’s mad at Elliot, though, and he doesn’t want to come across him on accident, so he stays where he is and listens to the faint sound of the crashing waves.
Elliot had to go and ask him if he was seeing anyone. After he told Blake that he had a girlfriend now. It stung a little, even though Blake wasn’t exactly surprised, because Elliot is… pretty. He has those eyelashes and that hair and he’s very nice to look at, all in all, and he’s always smiling, always nice to everyone, except when he’s being an insensitive douchebag. Anyway, Blake wasn’t surprised. Elliot is remarkably easy to love. He’s so quiet, not that he doesn’t talk, he really talks more than most other people do, but in that strange way of his that always pulled Blake in.
Blake empties his drink and decides that it was the last one.
Next to him, someone clears their throat.
“I thought you might have wandered off and drowned,” Noah says.
“Nah. I was thinking about it five minutes ago, but…”
Noah raises his eyebrows at him, like he can tell that it wasn’t just a joke. “Here,” he says and hands Blake a bottle of water. “Can I sit?”
“Sure,” Blake says, hoping this will be more pleasant than the conversation he had with Elliot.
“I wanted to, uh…” Noah clears his throat, takes a sip from his water bottle, and then stares out at the dark waves for a moment. “There’s no good way of saying this, really, and I honestly wasn’t sure if I should say anything at all, but… yeah. Anyway.” Noah shakes his head and then turns to Blake. “I know about you and Elliot.”
If Blake had to make a list of all the things he’d least like to hear another person say to him, that right there would probably be on top of the list.
Blake is frozen on the spot,
