The drive home isn’t that long. Neither of them is saying a word. It’s not that Blake is expecting an apology or anything, but he’s pretty sure that Charlie hasn’t forgotten what happened last night, considering that he’s been avoiding him all day.
“Charlie,” Blake says when he’s parked the car.
Charlie takes a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Blake, I honestly don’t know why I did that, I swear I won’t do it again. I was just drunk. I don’t know… But I’m really sorry. And I won’t… Please don’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t,” Blake says. “It’s okay, honestly.”
Charlie nods. “Thank you. And I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
Eyes on his knees, hands clenched in his lap, Charlie says, “I’m not gay.”
“Okay.”
“I swear. And, like, I don’t mind gay guys. You know I don’t. But I’m not. I like girls.”
“Okay,” Blake says again, because this is not the conversation he thought they’d be having, but it’s clearly something Charlie needs to say.
“I just…”
“What?”
“I’m not gay,” Charlie says again.
And maybe he isn’t, and Blake absolutely believes him when he says that he has nothing against gay guys, because he has proven on many occasions that he doesn’t, but there’s something going on here, Blake can tell. You don’t go and kiss a guy just because you’re drunk. “Okay, but, Charlie?” Blake says. “I am.” Maybe Charlie needs someone who’s definitely on his side right now.
“You’re what?”
“I’m gay. And–” Blake stops talking when Charlie looks up. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that. He has no clue why he thought that might help.
“You are?” Charlie asks.
Well, he probably can’t take it back now. “Yeah.”
“But… Really?”
“Charlie.”
“I’m sorry,” Charlie says. “But isn’t it… In juniors it was…” He shakes his head. “Everyone said… all that stuff. You know what they were saying, right?”
“Yeah, I know,” Blake says. He hasn’t forgotten. He wasn’t usually the one all that stuff was directed at, and often the other guys were just joking around, but he heard it. He somehow made it out on the other side.
“And I’m not gay,” Charlie says, “but…”
Blake waits. He’s had a conversation like this with Elliot, once upon a time.
“I had a crush on a guy when I was fifteen,” Charlie mumbles. “But I… wasn’t supposed to. And I like girls. So…” He looks at Blake. “But now…”
Blake is trying really hard to fill in the blanks and maybe he understands what Charlie is trying so hard to say, but in the end all he can do is guess. “Charlie,” Blake says, “it’s okay if you like men and women.”
“Is it, though?” Charlie asks, red in the face. He glances at Blake. “And you like guys?”
Blake nods.
Charlie blinks at him. “So when I kissed you…”
“I…” Blake takes a deep breath. This is the really awkward bit. “I’m seeing someone. So now I sort of have to explain to him that I kissed another guy.” Not that he really kissed Charlie, but Blake still isn’t looking forward to it. Elliot will be mad. He’ll say it’s fine, but he’ll be mad.
“Oh no, I’m so sorry, you can tell him that it’s totally my fault, I did it and you didn’t, and it’s… I’m so sorry.” Charlie has tears in his eyes now. “I fucked everything up, I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay.” Blake reaches over to put an arm around him. “It’s all gonna be fine.”
Charlie hiccups. “I’m not fine.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m gonna stop having a crush on you right now, I promise.”
Blake has to bite down a smile. It’s not really funny.
“You’re just so nice,” Charlie whispers.
“I’m sorry,” Blake says again.
“It’s like you’re Canadian,” Charlie mumbles and pulls away, wiping his eyes. “Please, can we forget that all of this happened?
“If you want to.”
Charlie nods.
“You wanna sit in the car for a few more minutes?” Blake asks.
Charlie wipes his eyes again. “Yeah.”
“Okay.”
#
Blake doesn’t call him the day after he won the Cup, which Elliot didn’t think he’d have time for anyway, considering that the Knights have to fly all the way back from California. He’s seen some pictures from the Knights’ night with the Cup, has seen pictures of them on the plane, one of Blake with his head on Jake Matthews’s shoulder, fast asleep. It seems that the team went out to party again once they’d safely landed in Newark.
In the meantime, Blake has sent him a picture of his entire head in the Cup, hair hanging over the rim. I swear I won’t keep sending cup pics, he said after.
Elliot is actually mostly okay with the Cup pics, even though part of him is insanely jealous, but he’s also proud of Blake, so he tells him to send as many pictures as he wants. Elliot will see them on Twitter eventually anyway.
Blake calls him the day before the Knights have their parade, while Elliot is having dinner with his parents. He excuses himself, his mom looking slightly annoyed until Elliot says, “It’s Blake.”
There are some calls that are allowed to interrupt dinner. Calls from Elliot’s agent. Calls from the team. And calls from Stanley Cup champions.
“Hey,” Elliot says. He decides to take his phone all the way up to his bedroom, because he has no idea how long this call is going to take. Even though he wasn’t quite awake, he does remember Blake calling him in the middle of the night, asking him to come back to New York and that’s not something he wants to talk about with his
