“What else?” my eyes squint and I can see her distant face contemplate her next words.
“Nothing, I just think I know how to unlock it,” she says. My pleading eyes are enough to get her to continue, “Someone with an enhanced sense of touch would probably be able to take off the lock.”
Her words hang in the air as my thoughts move to what Alexander had just yelled before he left. He has an enhanced sense of touch. The one person who can open my mother’s journal will probably never talk to me again. I lift my bag and shove the journal deep inside.
I feel Zavy’s eyes trying to read my thoughts about never getting the journal open without Alexander. “We don’t need him, Adaline,” Zavy says, but I know we do. I pull out the white bandages Alexander had given me the day before and begin to wrap her ankle.
“Zavy, we’ll get Toby back, okay? We’ll regroup and go after them,” I say, dismissing her idea to leave Alexander behind.
“I know Toby can survive,” she says more to try and convince herself. “The only thing he would have to do is find a weapon. He’s an Aeros, by the way.” She sees the confusion on my face and explains, “An Aeros is someone with an enhanced sense of touch. They can handle any weapon they come in contact with to absolute perfection.” I watch her next thought register on her face. “He can probably open the journal for you!”
I shake my heavy head. “I still have to make things right with Alexander.” I see her face tighten and can tell she disapproves.
“He literally lied to our faces last night. When I asked why Paylon didn’t take control of him I was trying to give him an opportunity to tell us what gift he had,” Zavy says with a stiff voice. “He has an enhanced sense of touch, same as Paylon, and that’s why he wasn’t taken under his control. He knows that’s why, but he lied to us.” I don’t know what to say to her because she’s right. She lets out a heavy breath and says, “If it was up to me, I’d say we leave him, save my brother, open your journal, and move on by ourselves,” I try to say something, but she throws her hands in the air in frustration. “It’s fine. Go fix things with Alexander, and then we’ll go save my brother. I’ll clean up this mess.” She turns and gestures to the dead soldiers scattered through the woods.
“We’re going to get through this,” I say softly and she just nods in agreement, but her frustration is obvious.
I turn and head off into the woods to clear my head about Alexander. Once I’m far enough in the woods I sit under a large tree and lay my head on it. I let my eyelids fall shut, and I sit here for a long time and think about a lot. The quiet woods are a sudden change from the chaotic battle we were just in. The amount of soldiers I just killed weighs heavy on my mind.
For the first time, I hate myself for clinging to numbers because I feel the internal tally of how many people I’ve killed in the last two days tick away in my head. I take in deep shaky breaths and try to calm my anxious mind. They would have killed me if I didn’t kill them. I repeat it over and over trying to justify the killings. Now it’s us against Paylon, Codian, and Chadian. Three against three. The only back up they’ll have are the Lost Souls.
When my beating heart slows my mind shifts and I think about mine and Alexander’s friendship. We used to be so close. I told him everything. He knew everything there was to know about me. I feel ashamed of myself for keeping my gift a secret, but I was only nine the last time I saw him. I would say Zavy feels the same way, but I know she doesn’t. She only thinks she is right. She’d never apologize to him in a million years.
Although we are practically strangers now the last couple of days were still real. He is the only person I’ve been with in the last seven years besides my mother and brother and both of them are dead. I didn’t trust him from the beginning and I questioned whether I even wanted us to be a team out here, and yet he sacrificed so much for me. A single tear escapes my tightly locked eyelid and rolls down my cheek.
Suddenly, I hear someone say, “You really like him don’t you?” It’s Zavy. She’s probably been here all along.
I open my eyes and fight to hold back the loose tears, “I don’t know what I feel for him. I know he was my friend. I’ve been dancing around the connection I started to feel for him, but it’s broken now. There’s nothing left.” Once I hear myself say it out loud I know it’s the truth, but Zavy doesn’t believe so.
“Adaline I can tell he cares for you. The way he looks at you,” she starts to explain.
I stop her short and interrupt, “The way he looks at me? Did you see the way he looked at me when he found out I had kept my gift a secret? He never wants to see me again, to see either of us again.”
“You’ll never know unless you try. Go find him. He can’t be far, but honestly Adaline, he’s just a boy,” she says flatly as she walks away.
I let the words she
