I’m confused by his request. I sit up a little straighter and say, “I destroyed it.”
“You what?” Alexander asks shocked.
“I didn’t like the pressure hanging over every decision I made. The second-guessing of my every move was too much,” I explain.
Alexander nods his head, understanding. “Well, that’s how I got here,” he says and explains how he had read my mother’s journal while I slept the last night in the bunker. “I opened it and it started with ‘Alexander,’ like she knew I would read it,” he explains.
“She did,” I say and shrug my shoulders.
“Are you mad I read it?” he asks me gently.
I shake my head no and say, “The idea of knowing the future is tempting. So my mother told you to come here?” I question.
“It was more complicated than that,” Alexander says and he pulls a few tanned pages from the bag at his feet. “She told me to take them,” he adds defensively before handing them to me. I take the aged fabric and a feeling of dread washes over me. Her perfect handwriting scribbled across the page makes me nauseous, and I’m wishing I hadn’t destroyed the journal. I miss her so much, but I know it was the right decision. I couldn’t live with the pressure of knowing the future depends on my every move. While that may still be true, at least I don’t know what those moves have to be. I start reading my mother’s delicate handwriting and imagine Alexander reading this next to me while I slept in the bunker.
Alexander,
I have some important instructions for you, but you need to keep them a secret from Adaline. The fewer people who know the more likely this will work out. You and Adaline will be tested whether to save Zavy or travel safely to Libertas. For me, I beg that you just go to Libertas, but Adaline will never leave a friend behind. Go with her and protect her. You’ll need to split up and draw Paylon away from his camp. Here is a map of how to get to Sard.
Below her handwriting a dashed out sketch is etched into the tan paper. It shows the river we followed with an X through it. Then, a rock path is marked out through the ink drawn trees.
Follow the stone boulders. They will lead you to Sard. Do not return to the river. Paylon will be following you closely, and we can’t risk you bringing him to the path Adaline and Zavy will be taking.
I note how my mother specifically didn’t mention anything about Cooper or the search group in her plans. Only telling Alexander enough information for him to not ask any questions. It’s incredibly manipulative. I had no idea my mother had that side to her.
If you hurry the journey will take you 48 hours. Take enough water and rations for the trip, because you don’t have time to hunt and you won’t find another water source on your route. When you get to Sard locate the abandoned building on the edge of the city. Inside you’ll find access to an underground tunnel system.
My mother then proceeds to give Alexander step-by-step instructions to Leo’s home. “You went right past Molly and her friends,” I say softly.
“I didn’t even see them,” Alexander admits. “I knew I had to get to you. I didn’t know you were behind me.”
“Paylon said you killed Chadian,” I say, lowering the papers. I had forgotten until now. “He said you killed Chadian so Paylon killed you.” Alexander squints at me confused. “What happened after you left me?” I ask, handing Alexander my mother’s pages. “I don’t want to know what my mother has to say. I want to know what actually happened.”
Alexander nods, taking the pages back. “I did what I told you I would do,” he begins to explain. “I traveled a mile or so south of Paylon’s camp and started a fire. I added as much green as I could to make the smoke visible. I picked a couple of trees and lit them on fire,” Alexander pauses as my eyes widen. “Isolated ones, so they would fall and catch Paylon’s attention.”
“It worked,” I say. “We heard the tree crash and he left with Chadian.”
“I waited until I heard his horse, and then I ran,” Alexander adds.
“You let him get that close?” I ask, upset.
“I had to be sure before I left. Then, I took off running. I never saw him or Chadian. I assumed they saw the destruction and figured it was a trap. They must have went back to their camp, but you had already rescued Zavy and left.”
“And I killed Codian,” I admit. Alexander is silent and I make my eyes meet his.
“He fought you outnumbered?” Alexander asks and I shake my head no. I wish he had fought because then I wouldn’t feel completely responsible for what had happened.
“He threatened to kill Cooper if I didn’t kill him,” I say and my voice shakes. “He wanted to die.” I take a deep breath and say the words I’ve been fighting internally for the last two days. “And I know I could have tried harder to save them both, but at that moment I couldn’t think straight.”
Alexander puts a gentle hand on my arm.
