My past was a warm, sunny day all the time until the prison, and since then this new life has been a storm, and it changes day to day. Some days it sprinkles, and some days it pours. Some days it doesn’t rain at all. It’s just an eerie warm air that swallows me, and I live the entire day in fear of a storm that will eventually come. There’s thunder and lighting, and it’s dark. It’s so dark all the time, but there are moments, specifically right after the worst storms, where the sun peeks through the clouds as it does in every storm. Just a glimpse of the light and those are the highs.
The highs. They don’t last long, but the effect they have on you does. So you learn to enjoy the highs and to make them last as long as possible, but you also learn to love the rain. You learn to love the sound of it as it pours down on the rocks and the creek. You learn to love it like a song the clouds above are singing for you. And that’s how you survive. In this hand of cards, you don’t live. You survive. And I think that’s been the hardest part of it all. To go from being a kid, living a safe and stable life, to being tragic, broken, and having to just simply survive. Just survive.
Chapter 24
After awhile Cooper wakes up and tells Alexander he should get some rest. Alexander doesn’t argue, and as soon as his head hits the pillow he falls instantly asleep. I turn so that I can rest my back on the side of the boat and look out to the other side of the ocean. Cooper sits next to me, facing forward. I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around my knees as if I was just a little girl.
“Why’s your hair cut like that?” I ask, looking closely at the intricate swirls cut into Cooper’s hair.
“Why’s your hair cut like that?” he shoots back to me.
I laugh and say, “Seriously, why’d you cut all the different swirls?”
“When you’re put in a group of people who are all really the same as you, you have to find some way to show that you are more important then they are,” he says.
“That’s awful,” I gawk at him.
He laughs and says, “I know,” as he runs his hand through his hair. “I’m actually waiting for it to grow out.”
“Why’s it so important that Alexander and I get to Libertas?” I ask him flatly.
“What?” he says surprised.
“I know that father was the head person in charge of getting people out of Garth, and so if he says Adaline and Alexander better get brought to Libertas then it better get done, but this has turned into so much more than the regular trip to Libertas. Now these innocent kids have been dragged in, and Paylon and King Renon are coming for us, and it just seems that it’s overly important we get to Libertas.”
Cooper pauses before responding, “It’s kind of complicated. I mean seven years have passed since they made a big deal out of getting you to Libertas, so things in Libertas might have changed. It may not be so important that you make it to Libertas. That’s what still scares some of these people. They’re banking on the fact that it’s still incredibly important that you get there so that they can stay as a reward.”
“But that doesn’t tell me why it’s important,” I push.
“I can’t say, Adaline,” Cooper says sharply.
“Sorry I asked,” I mumble.
“I just promised our father I wouldn’t tell you in case we get there and things have changed,” he mumbles.
“I understand,” I agree. We stay quiet for a second longer until I ask, “What’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“What happened with Paylon? You seem different since then,” I say carefully.
“I’d thought I’d killed him,” he says flatly.
“So you’re upset you didn’t kill him?” I ask.
“At first it was eating away at me that I had killed him,” he says in an empty voice.
“It was self-defense,” I cut in.
Cooper shakes his head no and says, “It doesn’t matter Adaline. The feeling you get when you pull the life out of someone is something you can’t shake by giving it an excuse.”
“I know,” I say as I remember the hallucinations I had when I’d killed Codian.
“The thing is, I was sure I had killed him, but now I come to learn that he’s not dead. I don’t feel relieved Adaline,” he says, looking at me. “I wish I had killed him. Then, Sard would never have known we were there.”
“We’re out of Sard now,” I say. “Paylon is the least of our worries.”
He swallows, but the muscles in his neck stay tense. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
We let the sounds of the ocean surround us, and I look back out toward the horizon and can see hints of pink stretching into the sky. Mio wakes up and insists that I sleep for the few hours of the night that remains. I find an open spot on the floor of the boat and try to make myself comfortable. Even out here at sea, I keep my sword
