The dance was held in our school’s gymnasium, which had been decorated with balloons and streamers by the parent’s association. We were all jacked up on punch (not spiked, but full of sugar) and cake (again, more sugar). I remember us running through the hallways while the chaperones hollered at us to get back to the dance floor. We were at the point of getting ready to leave childhood behind completely before entering high school; and we relished acting like silly kids one last time.
About half of the boys present were brave enough to ask girls to dance, including Matty. In fact, Matty was asking a lot of girls to dance, just as he did at the Saturday church dances. However, on this night, he didn’t ask me to dance the way he always had before. I was not only angry that he seemed to be ignoring me, but I was really jealous that he was paying so much attention to the other girls. And I even started to be mad that the girls, most of whom were my friends, we going along with it. My fourteen-year-old overactive imagination started feeling like it was some conspiracy to humiliate me.
As he danced with one of our classmates, Trish, he and I locked eyes; and he stared at me the entire time they slow danced. They were dancing close together, his head resting on Trish’s shoulder and her head almost touching his chest. Before the song ended, I turned on my heel and walked out. I felt sad and humiliated and even angry, but I didn’t understand why. Matty had danced with plenty of other girls over the years, and it had never bothered me. But on that night, I felt my first pangs of jealousy at the thought that another girl might take my place in Matty’s life.
I ended up sneaking up to the third floor of our school building via a back staircase that was rarely used. I went into the art room, which had a huge window overlooking the field where the track was. I stood there staring out at the stars, willing myself not to cry. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder, which made me jump and yelp.
“Dammit, Matty, you scared the crap of out of me!” I gasped as I clutched my chest and caught my breath. “You need a bell around your neck to warn people you are coming!” I gave him a dirty look and turned back towards the window.
“What’s your problem? Why did you leave the dance, and what are you doing up here?” he asked as he hopped up to sit on the table next to the window so that he could see my side profile. “Are you mad about me dancing with Trish?” he asked pointedly.
“Mad? No! I am not mad! Why on earth would you think that?” I scoffed and rolled my eyes to show just how crazy the question was. “I just needed a minute to myself. Which I was having until you showed up.” I was clearly sulking and was not about to let on that I was jealous.
“Well, now you know how I feel when I see you dancing with my friends,” Matty said in an accusing voice. “You and Jimmy seemed awful cozy together tonight the three times you danced together.”
“Jimmy?” I said with a laugh. “He’s, like, my brother or something. Besides, he’s the only boy here who asked me to dance, if you must know. Was I just supposed to stand by myself in the corner the entire night? At least Jimmy is nice and doesn’t smell like sweat or B.O.”
Matty lifted his arm and took a big whiff. “I don’t smell, do I?”
“Well, I wouldn’t know, would I? I haven’t gotten close enough to smell you. Why don’t we go back downstairs and ask Trish what she thinks?” I started to turn around to leave, but Matty put his leg out to block me while hooking his arm around my back to turn me towards him. “What are you do-“ I started to say, but I was stopped from speaking by Matty pulling me in for a kiss.
As he was sitting on the table, I found myself between his legs with our bodies pressed together. At first, I tried pulling away; but within seconds I reversed course and let myself melt into him. We were only fourteen years old, so our kissing techniques were pretty basic, although we were more comfortable now versus the time we’d played Seven Minutes in Heaven. We gave each other small, short kisses and eventually longer ones. Matty even slipped his tongue ever so slightly out to run it across the inside my lower lip, which I wasn’t sure if I liked or not. It seemed a bit gross; I kept my tongue inside of my mouth.
While we kissed, I found myself running my hands up and down his arms. I then reached up and stroked the back of his neck with my fingers. When I touched him there, he groaned ever so slightly. We had never kissed this intently for this long before, and I could feel something I had never felt before stirring inside of me; and as wonderful as it felt, it also scared me.
I finally stepped back, out of breath and not sure what to do. I was afraid what would happen if we kept going. Troy and Pamela, two of our friends, had recently had sex, just to get it over with. Troy brushed it off, but Pamela could not stop talking about it. And it was making some of our other friends wonder about doing it, too.
