“Home is always best.” Jess tilted her head to the side. “But maybe, just for tonight, you’ll sleep better with oxygen. And wouldn’t it be nice to have some assistance from the nurses if you need to get up in the night?”
“Ah, you’re as bad as all the doctors. You always want to lock people in your hospital.” Mrs. Jameson shook her head, but her voice held no real conviction.
“How about you do me a favor and stay one night, and tomorrow I’ll come back to sign you out if you insist on leaving.” Jess held out her hand. “Deal?”
“You got a deal. But only if you throw in a few pictures of your little girl. I heard she’s called Ella, right?”
Jess laughed. “Yes. Ella.”
Mrs. Jameson shook the offered hand, then kept hold of it and placed it on her bed. “Tell me about her. Is she keeping you up all night? I’ve knitted a few caps and socks, but I don’t have them with me.”
The last of the tension receded from Jess’s shoulders as she held the older woman’s hand and told her about the day Ella had decided to spit at least half her formula over Jess’s shirts with each meal. At the end of the day, she’d run out of fresh clothes to wear.
In the cozily lit room with Jess’s soothing voice, Lena almost forgot they were in a hospital.
Chapter Thirteen
For the first time in too long, Jess woke up eager to start the day before any alarm sounded. When the dawn twilight transformed the shadows into recognizable shapes, Jess allowed herself to get up. She barely recognized this feeling from when she was younger and used to look forward to work every day. Even before she’d gotten pregnant, anticipation had been rare. She’d thought starting a family would help to regain that, but so far it hadn’t worked out as planned.
Snippets from the last couple of days played on auto-repeat in her head. She had enjoyed her time with Lena more than she’d thought possible, and with all the flirting and sparks and accidental touches, it had felt as if they were on a date. But both of them had equally pushed forward and pulled back, and Jess wasn’t even sure what she wanted anymore.
And the only thoughts that could push that confusion to the back of her mind were worries about Mrs. Jameson and her own impending checkup.
Diana soon set her at ease with a text. Mrs. Jameson had improved further overnight and would be discharged later that morning.
Her own health was another matter. Since Lena didn’t need her to drive to the café today, she had rescheduled again while at the hospital. She didn’t need another day of not knowing. Her heart had improved somewhat, but would it be enough to return to work? Would she be able to withstand hours of physical and mental stress for days?
When Jess arrived in the lower garden, it was still empty. She had beaten Lena for once. She waited for a minute, but when she didn’t detect any movement, she bowed to the ground, even if it was silly, and took up a meditative stance, facing east, arms raised as if she was hugging a tree. Hugging. A. Tree. She didn’t think she’d get over that description anytime soon.
At first, worries about her heart raced through her mind. Instead of chasing them, she tried something new. She concentrated on her breathing, in and out, the wakening birds, the first rays of sunshine painting the gray leaves in brilliant green. In and out. She closed her eyes. In and out.
“We can add another move to your form today if you want.” Lena’s voice was close and soft.
Jess opened her eyes and blinked twice against the sunlight. When had Lena joined her? She lowered her arms, only now noticing how heavy they’d become. She’d never before managed to last the full time with her arms up. “Sure. Um, hi. Didn’t hear you coming.”
Lena smiled brightly. “I know. But you had the perfect posture and seemed so…centered? I didn’t want to interrupt.”
Centered. Not a bad word to describe the mixture of calm and energy that glowed somewhere deep inside. Maybe there was something to this finding-your-middle stuff after all. “I could use some of that today.”
Lena held her gaze for a moment, then nodded. “Let’s practice the new move.” She fell into the position where the last movement Jess had learned ended. “I’ll show you once how it’s supposed to look in the normal tempo, then we’ll do it movement by movement.”
“Okay.” Jess watched in awe as Lena’s arms and legs flowed in a complex half-circling movement from right to left and back to center. If she’d blinked, she would have missed most of it. That was more complex than anything they’d done before. If this wouldn’t keep her mind off the rest of the day, nothing would.
“Repeat it after me.” Lena started again at the beginning, this time in slow motion. “And don’t forget to breathe.”
Jess inhaled deeply and let her hand follow Lena’s example as she exhaled. With each new breath, they continued the movement until they’d made it through the whole sequence.
Lena led her through it a second time, then a third. The fourth time she did it all on her own, and the thrill of achievement flushed her cheeks after she’d finished without tying a knot in her arms.
“Great. Now repeat the form from the beginning, adding the new movement.” Lena smiled and adjusted position so she could do her own form, much longer than Jess’s.
When they finished, sweat had soaked Jess’s shirt, and she sensed her muscles where they’d stretched in unfamiliar ways. But she wasn’t tired or out of breath. Instead, the weird ball of energy still buzzed, filling her with confidence. What had Lena called it? Centered?
The high lasted through her shower, through changing a particularly nasty diaper, and through the drive to the hospital.
But as the automatic doors opened to her
