Jess directed her eyes back to Lena’s face. That was safer.
Lena hadn’t noticed. She was still regarding her feet with a thoughtful expression.
“It’s okay. If I did something stupid or aggravating or whatever, please tell me. I’m past the point where I want to intentionally annoy you, and I’m sorry if I did.” Jess continued walking, keeping her eyes to the front. Sometimes talking about something emotional was easier if you didn’t have to face the other person. Jess had never felt the need to hide; she usually didn’t care what the other person thought. But Lena seemed to care, sometimes too much.
“No, it’s my fault. I didn’t ask you not to tell Maggie. And you’re under no obligation to keep secrets for me.” Lena was still talking in riddles, but at least she was talking.
“I’m sorry, but what secret did I reveal?” She couldn’t think of any, and when she talked to her mom about Lena, she was careful to let her do most of the talking so she didn’t get a hint about Jess’s feelings. The last thing she needed was her mom noticing she found Lena attractive. She would only start to meddle in her well-intentioned mom way.
“About my financial problems. Maggie knew some already, but she didn’t offer me a job before. I guess it’s her way of helping me. And I am grateful, but still…I would have liked to remain her friend and not her charity case.”
“Whoa. Stop right here.” Jess engaged the brake so the stroller wouldn’t move on its own. She reached for Lena’s hands with both of hers. “I didn’t talk to my mom about what happened on Monday. Apart from a conversation weeks ago when I first started living here, we haven’t talked about your financial situation or any jobs. And I can’t believe she offered you the job as a charity situation. That’s not like her at all. She takes her books seriously. Didn’t she say why she offered it to you?”
Lena squirmed but didn’t pull her hands away. Tears glittered in her eyes. “She said she trusted my work ethic and likes to spend time with me. That’s why she wants to have me as her assistant. But I don’t have a degree or any experience and—”
“No. If my mom says she hired you because she trusts you, that’s the main reason. Are you taking the job because of the money?”
“No!” Lena’s curls flew from side to side. “I even offered to help her for free. I love helping Maggie with her work. She’s taught me so much already, and I enjoy spending time with her.”
“See, that’s the reason she offered it to you.” Jess squeezed the hands that still rested in hers. The contact was meant to soothe and reassure Lena, but somehow it did the same for her, and Jess didn’t even know why she should be anxious.
“I’m sorry I was mad at you,” Lena whispered.
“You don’t have to apologize. It was a misunderstanding. No harm done.” With a stroke of her thumbs, Jess let go of Lena’s hands before she could follow the impulse to hug her. Since when had she become so touchy-feely? Could she still blame the hormones two months after giving birth?
She loosened the brake and started walking again.
If that had been Lena when she was mad, Jess didn’t wonder anymore why people described her as too nice. She was much too concerned with everybody else’s feelings to express her own. They couldn’t be more different if they tried. But maybe Lena’s way wasn’t so wrong. At least it had resulted in a conversation that cleared up the misunderstanding. Whenever Jess was mad, she let the other person know without a possibility of doubt. Loud and clear. More often than not, her temper ran away with her and she never even heard explanations or apologies. When she looked at it with a clear head, this behavior was immature and not acceptable at all.
Damn, this walk was turning into another introspective session. So much for Lena’s company stopping her from pondering too much.
“How about we drive up to Diana’s beach house on Saturday afternoon after you finish work and stay overnight? We can pick the blackberries on Sunday and then drive back.”
“Do you want to sacrifice two more days to help me pick berries?”
“Sacrifice?” Jess laughed. “I had so much fun picking apples. And the way Diana talked about the house, it sounds like a nice weekend trip, like a vacation. When was your last vacation? Mine’s been ages ago.”
“Vacation? I can’t remember. I guess when I was little, when my grandfather was still alive, before I started school. We did a road trip and ended up at some lake in a rental cabin. But I can’t remember where or when that was.”
“Oh, wow. I wanted to complain that mine was four years ago, but I guess I better shut up.”
“No, no, tell me,” Lena said in a lightly teasing tone. “Where did you go? What did you do? Caribbean Islands? Paris? Hawaii?”
“New York. Sightseeing and shopping for a long weekend after a conference.” Jess mumbled. Yeah, that didn’t sound spoiled at all.
“Shopping? Is this something you love to do?” Lena’s question lacked the expected judgment.
“Not really, no. But I was dating someone at the time who enjoyed it very much.” Jess grimaced at the memory. “We didn’t last much longer than the weekend. It’s kind of sad it was my last vacation.”
“Why has it been so long for you?”
“Work.” Jess sighed. “To get to the position I now have, I never dared take time off. But that’s probably all ruined. After what’s happened, I guess I have to climb up the ladder once again and fight on each rung with someone five years younger and single. Or at least without kids.” Another depressing topic she had wanted to avoid. “But we’re getting off track. So do
