“No, not at all. Just cautious. You have dreams, and the ones you can’t plan for meticulously, you pushed aside, hoping the mist would clear one day.”
“It sounds so obvious when you say it.” Jess pushed her half-full plate to the side and picked up the tea. “You want more?”
Lena nodded. She took the opportunity to study Jess while she poured.
A hint of confusion lingered in Jess’s expression, but the determination Lena had always admired rose to the surface. Finally, she leaned back in her chair. “You’re good at asking questions.”
“I don’t know. I think you’re ready to hear those questions now.”
“True. I’m done with keeping my gaze glued to my checklist, following a plan I designed when I was half my age. I haven’t told you yet, but I had a talk with the chief of cardiology on Friday.”
“About what?” Lena had a hard time following her change of topic, but Jess didn’t seem as if she was avoiding anything.
“I told him I need to cut my hours, at least for a while. A year, maybe two.”
Lena blinked. She hadn’t expected that. Jess had always put her work in the center of her life. “How do you feel about it?”
“Surprisingly okay. I thought I would feel more lost as if something vital was taken from me, but all I feel now is relief.”
Lena smiled. “I’m happy for you. What made you do it?”
“You.”
“Oh.”
“You kicked my ass and asked the right questions. You made me realize Ella is more important than any job I could have. I need to spend more time with her, quality time, for both of us. And when she grows older and more independent, I can increase the hours I work again. And either I get back to my old level, or I find something else. Medicine and cardiology have so many different possibilities. I’ll find something to do.”
“That’s wonderful. I hated to see you so tired and torn all the time.”
Jess shrugged. “I will still be tired, but I guess that comes with the territory. You can’t have children and expect them to be sleeping all the time.”
Ella chose this moment to cry. Not a desperate wailing, more a quiet Hey, I’m awake, where’s my entertainment?
Jess laughed and picked her up, cuddling her close.
The sight of them together melted Lena. She should look away, but the love they shared always mesmerized her.
Jess returned to the chair and sat Ella on her lap. One arm held her around the middle, while the other stroked the small head snuggled against her chest. When she looked up at Lena, a trace of that love still lingered in her gaze. “And what are you dreaming about? What are your plans for the future?”
Lena closed her eyes to concentrate. These questions were important, and she didn’t want to be distracted by the twin pairs of blue eyes that knew the shortcut to her heart. “Dreams and plans? For me, those two questions are completely separate. My immediate plans are concentrating my work efforts so that I’m not spread too thin, finding odd jobs all over the place. What your mother is offering me is actually perfect. I learn a lot, and I enjoy working with her. It’s more creative than I thought. And the opportunity to study botanical illustration, to improve my skills, that’s a dream come true. I have always loved nature and wanted to portray it. Even when I was little, I barely sketched anything else. Maggie has mentioned she’s going to suggest to her editor that we include my illustrations in the book, but I don’t know if I’m good enough. Talent isn’t everything. So my plan is to work with Maggie while I improve my skills and pay off my debt. Now that I don’t waste so much time running around between a handful of minimum wage jobs, I’m making a lot of progress.”
“And your dreams?” Jess wiggled the fingers of her free hand in front of Ella but kept her gaze on Lena. She smiled as Ella held on with both tiny hands and examined her fingers as if they were a toy.
This time, Lena didn’t hesitate. She trusted Jess with her dreams. And her heart. “I want to be seen and valued for myself, my personality. Find a home. Have a family. Be loved.”
A wide grin spread on Jess’s face. “That’s my dream too. I want a family.” She looked down at Ella. “Or rather, to share my tiny two-person family with a partner, an equal. Someone I love and who loves me and who loves Ella as her own daughter.”
They stared at each other, and Lena was afraid to breathe. She didn’t want to break the connection and return to reality. Could it be that easy? Could they declare they wanted the same thing and then just have it? Or was that all in her mind? Did Jess even notice what was happening here?
Ella broke the spell as she started to squirm in Jess’s grip and cried.
“What’s up?” Jess picked her up, then grimaced. “Ah, time for a new diaper.” She got up and walked a couple of steps toward the house, then turned again. “I don’t want to run, but…” She gestured at Ella. “Can we talk more later?”
Lena exhaled and nodded. “Later. We have time.” Yes, they needed to talk. But they needed some time to process their revelations too and some time to connect again. Physically and emotionally.
They had been in a relationship for less than twenty-four hours. They had all the time in the world to enjoy each other and explore their romance. But knowing they shared the same dreams helped. They were walking in the same direction to a shared goal, so not only the journey mattered but the destination too.
Chapter Twenty-Four
A door creaked and woke Jess from her sleep. She blinked, but daylight forced her eyes closed again. Since when did
