“Your brain needs fuel too. We can skip our walk later.”
“No. I’ve looked forward to it all afternoon.” Lena pretended to pout. “How was your day? Did you have time to do anything apart from watching cooking shows online all day?” She winked. “Still in your Italian phase?”
“Are you complaining?” Jess struck out her tongue. “Vegetable lasagna. And I even made the pasta myself. And cleaned up the mess afterward. You’re welcome.” She took the empty bottle from Ella when she stopped drinking, held her against her shoulder, and stroked her back. “And I did some paperwork today, preparing for tomorrow, so I won’t need to be at the clinic for too long.” She sighed. “I need to swing by my condo to get some more warm clothes after work. I wonder if I should stay the night there. It would be easier. But I’d miss you two.” She glanced from Ella to Lena.
“Or I could come to your place after work and bring Ella if you don’t mind me staying over.”
“Really?” Jess’s face lit up. “I thought you hated the place.”
“Hate is such a strong word.” Lena shrugged. “I didn’t feel at home there, didn’t feel your presence. But we’re in a different phase of our relationship now. And I thought, maybe, sometime later, when we’re both sure it’s the right time, I could move in with you. Especially when you start working more hours again. It would make sense.”
Jess’s eyes widened. “You’d move in with me?”
“I mean, I would pay rent. At the end of the year, one debt will be paid off, and I can afford more rent and—”
“No, wait. I don’t want money to be an issue between us.”
Lena believed her, but it wasn’t that easy for her. “I know you mean well, but you only say that because you have money.”
“I know. And does it make me happy? It makes me well fed and clothed, and I have a roof over my head that’s too large and empty and soulless.”
“Soulless?” Lena wouldn’t have worded it the same, but that had been her impression too.
Jess grinned. “Yeah. I’m not feeling at home there either. So let’s not argue. I don’t think either of us wants to move there. I had another idea. Today, I had a rather lengthy conversation with the real estate agent who sold me my condo.”
“What were you talking about?”
“I wanted to know my options, how the market is for condos.”
“You want to buy another condo?”
“No, actually, I was thinking about selling and moving back to my mom’s.” Her expression was carefully neutral.
By now, Lena had learned that this expression meant Jess was emotionally invested and even a bit insecure about Lena’s reaction. Really, Jess wasn’t as hard to decipher as she probably thought. “You want to live with Maggie? Full-time?”
“Or I’ll search for another place nearby. I’d love to be closer to you. Every day. I love the long weekends, but the middle of the week is still empty.”
“Why don’t you move in with me?” Lena held her breath. She hadn’t thought this through before offering. Were they ready to take the next step? Was she ready to give up her own space?
“In the garden house?” Jess trailed her fingers over the wooden wall next to her. “But you told me that it is your sanctuary. The first time you have something to yourself. I wouldn’t want to take it from you.”
That Jess had remembered and considered her feelings above her own was everything Lena needed to hear. “You wouldn’t be taking it. I’m offering to share. You love this house as much as I do. And if you move in with me and pay half the rent, I wouldn’t need to give massage classes anymore and we could make that Ella’s room.”
“I’d love to move in.” Jess grinned, then her smile dimmed a little. “But isn’t it too soon? I’m not talking about practical reasons like rent, which my mom wouldn’t let me pay anyway, or driving back and forth. I’m talking about us.”
“What more do you need to know about me? I’ve told you about all the problems in my past.”
“I was thinking more about my flaws.” Jess shifted Ella on her other shoulder and wrapped the quilt around her. “You’re perfect the way you are—calm, tenacious, caring. I’m constantly fearing you’ll wake up one morning and realize I don’t deserve you and you can find someone better.”
Shaking her head, Lena slid forward in her seat until their legs touched. “Why would I want to find someone better? You’re the best for me.” She held Jess’s gaze. Lena didn’t want any uncertainty to remain between them. “All these years, I was afraid I was too trusting. I wouldn’t realize how people really were until I was in head over heels, so I started keeping everyone at a distance. But with you, it’s the opposite. You broke through my walls and forced me to really see you. We clashed more than enough in the beginning, and I learned more about the negative and annoying character traits you have than I ever could if we met at any other time in your life. I saw you at your worst, and your good qualities still outshone the bad. You care about others, sometimes too much, so that you end up hurt and angry. You didn’t give up, even when your body failed you. You never lost your sense of humor. You own your problems and work at them. When you do something, you’re all in. You don’t do anything halfway. I fell in love with you because of who you are, not in spite of it.”
Tears glittered in Jess’s eyes. She wiped at them with her sleeve, an awkward motion since she still held Ella against her shoulder. “I love you so much, and I’ll never understand what you see in me.”
“I’ll work on showing you every day.”
