Although logic and believability are the essence of humor, we never had to question or ask for logic from one another. No explanation was ever necessary. “It works or it doesn’t work, it’s that simple.” Our units did not compete with each other or with others within the studio or, indeed, in other studios; artistry is only a footrace against yourself. Just so, Mike and I followed only the imps of our own perverse creativity, confident of the unexpected, inhibited only by inevitable occasional puddles of the commonplace. Just as the squirrel cannot explain or even be aware of his symbiotic relationship with the redwood, Mike and I never knew which of us was the squirrel and which the redwood.
Just a few of the films I was lucky enough to work on with Mike Maltese:
MOUSE WRECKERS (Hubie and Bertie), 1949
FAST AND FURRY-OUS (First Coyote and Road Runner), 1949
FRIGID HARE, 1949
and
FOR SCENT-IMENTAL REASONS 1949
(Academy Award Winner)
Writer: Mike Maltese PRODUCTION NO. 1104
PROPRIETOR: (Sings)
La shave wa zay de mwa …
De mwa la shave wa zay …
Wee Wee la toot la la …
Lay voo lay voovoo …
Toot sweet oon toot sweet toot …
On shay voo zem my foot …
Oh vouto rooney zoot …
Ze coo-coo …
(Hums to self)
PROPRIETOR: Sacray maroon!!
PROPRIETOR: Assistancion!! Assistancion!!! Gendarme!! Poilu!! Le help!! (Into distance)
PROPRIETOR: Le help! Aide! Assistancion!! Gendarme!!
PROPRIETOR: Aide! Assistancion!! Mon pauvre parfumes!! Gendarme!! (Hysterical)
PROPRIETOR: Avec!! Aide!! Mon petite establishment!!! Ruination!! Catastrophe!! (Pants)
GENDARME: Pouf, Joseph! Gendarme kel lay feex!
PROPRIETOR: Por thonk … gallant Gendarme … merci beaucoup le thonks …
GENDARME: Sacray cerise!!! Le Pew!!!!
SKUNK: (Sings) Affair d’amour … Affair d’coeur …
Je ne say quois … je vis en espoir …
(Sniffs) Mmmm m mm … un smella voo feenay … (Hums)
GENDARME: Le kittee kel terriblay odeur!!
GENDARME: Pard’m wa … Jo-seph … apray midi le fudge is burning!!
PROPRIETOR: Allay Gendarme!! Allay!! Return’mwa!! This instonce!! Oh, pauvre mwa, I am ze bankrupt … (Sobs)
CAT: Le mew … Le purrrrrrrrr.
PROPRIETOR: A-a-ahhh. Le pussee ferocious! Remove zot skunk! Zot cat-pole from ze premises!! Avec!!
CAT: (Smells skunk) Sniff, sniff, sniff-sniff, sniff-sniff.
SKUNK: Quel es?… Ahhh … la belle femme skunk fatale!! tch-tch.
SKUNK: Ahh … my little dar-ling … eet is lov’ at first sight, is it not? No? (Kiss, kiss, kiss) Do not come wiz me to ze Casbah … We shall makes beyootiful musics togezzer right here! Ah, ze l’amour!! Aaah, ze toujours!! Ahhh, ze l’amour!!! (Kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss)
SKUNK: Honh?
SKUNK: Ah … the small one … she is make herself dainty for me … for ze daintiness I can wait … Alouette … shentee alouette … alouette … the time is up, dainty or not, we continue wiz ze wooing …
SKUNK: Zis little love bundle … now she is seeking for us … a trysting place … Touching … is it not?
SKUNK: Come, my little peanut of brittle … I will help you … wait for me … Wait! I am the corn-beef to you, ze cab-baj …
SKUNK: Where are you … cab-baj?
SKUNK: Nom de plume! What ees thees? Ze cab-baj do not run away from ze corn-beef!! But wait! (Small) But ah-ah … now it is clear zis clevaire rabbit want to play hid-go and I seek her …
SKUNK: Lookout, pigeon … I am going to see you … Ah!! There you are!! I am coming to see you!!
SKUNK: Ah ze amour!! Ahhh ze abandon!!! Ohhh ze madness!!!
COO-COO: We’re not easily upset in Grand Rapids … geek … goot, glk … but how Grand Rapids can you get? (Into whips again)
SKUNK: Where are you, pigeon…? I am looking for you … I am going … huh?
SKUNK: I meesed … fortunately for you!! So now, mon cherie, we can begins life anew … mmmm (Kiss kiss kiss kiss)
SKUNK: C’est la guerre. (Philosophically)
SKUNK: ’Allo, bby …
SKUNK: I am ze lock-smith of love, no?
SKUNK: Com dar-ling, we most be grown-up about zis theeng … do not run away from ze love … Here? What is thees? (Small) Oh … but of course, thees little one weesh to commit suicide to prove her love for me … what a sweet gesture … nevertheless, I must prevent it …
SKUNK: Saved!!
SKUNK: Viva l’amour! We die togezzer!!
SKUNK: I am not dead … no?
CAT: (Muffled) Ahhh … choo! Sniff, sniffle. (Cold sounds)
SKUNK: What’s thees? Is that you, pigeon? Is that … hanh? Oh … pardon … Grand-ma-ma … but have you seen a beeyootiful young lady skunk …
CAT: (Cold sounds: sneezes, sniffles, little sneezes. More sniffles)
SKUNK: Where are you, pigeon?… hmmmmm … I am looking somewhere to find you … Yoo-hoo rabbit, where are you, humm?
CAT: (More cold sounds … separate sneezes and sniffles and inhales)
SKUNK: Ah-ha … Perhaps you have return in here … Are you here, then … golden girl? Eh … who is thees?… Oh, it is you again, my ancient … what can I do … to … help … you … heh … why do you lock ze … (Small) Oh no …
SKUNK: Control yourself, madame … you cannot be in earnest … ha-ha … a joke … yes? Ha-ha … no.
SKUNK: You know, it is possible to be too attractive!
and
BEAR FEAT, 1949
THE RABBIT OF SEVILLE, 1950
and
RABBIT FIRE 1951
Writer: Mike Maltese PRODUCTION NO. 1166
1. ELMER: (Tiptoeing through the forest) Shhhhhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet … I’m hunting wabbits, heh-heh-heh.
2. ELMER: Oh boy!! Wabbit twacks!!
3. DAFFY: Oh, Buggsy … Buggsy pal! There’s a friend here to see you!!
4. DAFFY: Thurvival of the fittest!… and besides … it’s fun!!
5. BUGS: Did someone knock?
6. BUGS: (Slightly perturbed) Eh … what’s up, Doc?
7. ELMER: Now I got you … you wabbit!! Heh-heh-heh …
8. BUGS: (Bites … crunch, crunch, crunch) (Mouth full) Say, Doc (chew, chew), are you tryin’ to get yourself in trouble with the law? This ain’t wabbit-huntin’ season …
9. ELMER: It’s not!?!
10. BUGS: No! It’s duck-huntin’ season!!
11. DAFFY: That, sir, is an inmitigated frabication!! It’s wabbit season!!
12. BUGS: Duck season!
13. DAFFY: Wabbit season!!
14-16-18-20 Duck season!! Duck season!! Wabbit season!!
— BUGS: Wabbit season!!
15-17-19 Wabbit season!! Wabbit season!! Duck
— DAFFY: season!!
21. DAFFY: I say it’s duck season and I say Fire!! (Elmer fires. Daffy’s bill is blown askew.)
22. DAFFY: Hmmmmm …
23. DAFFY: Let’s try that again!!
24. BUGS: Okay …
25. DAFFY: I’ll start it this time!
26. BUGS: R-right.
27. DAFFY: Wabbit season!
28. BUGS: Duck season.
29. DAFFY: Wabbit season!
30. BUGS: Wabbit season.
31. DAFFY: Duck season. Fire!!!
(Elmer again fires, displacing Daffy’s bill)
32. DAFFY: (Grimly) Okay … This time you start it!
33. BUGS: Whatever you say …
34. BUGS: W … abbit.
35. DAFFY: Duck! Fire!!
(This time Daffy’s head and bill are upside down)
36. DAFFY: Whatha matter … Everythingth upside down …
37. DAFFY: Can’t make headth or tailth of thingth …
38. ELMER: Hey, you!! Come back here!!!
(Tries gun, only a click)
39. ELMER: Well, whaddaya know … no more buwwets!
40. BUGS: (Affected surprise) No more buwwets?
(Turns to Daffy) Hey, laughing boy, no more buwwets!
41. DAFFY: No more buwwets?
42. DAFFY: Here!! Lemme see that thing!! (Snatches gun on “see”)
43. DAFFY: Hmmmmm …
44. ELMER: (Delighted) Well, what do ya
