“That is not true!” Joyce shot back, getting to her feet as well.
“Then why do I like hurting people? Why does it make me feel good? Why did I hurt that District Attorney and enjoy it? Why did I kill Abel? Why did my mom have to die?” As the last sentence escaped my mouth, my voice began to crack, and my legs gave way from beneath me. Joyce wrapped her arms around me and sat me back down on the sofa.
“I know,” she said, running her hands through my hair. She lifted my head to look at her. I gazed at her through a blurred vision. “Danielle, do you even know what you did for me? You saved me, and you saved my daughter. You changed my world and hers. You gave us a second chance. That good exists inside you. I have seen it with my own eyes and not just in that instance. Even if it is the smallest seed, that seed can grow into something beautiful. You aren’t bad. Does darkness exist in you? Yes, it exists in everyone, but you need to look inside yourself and determine if that is what you want to be. It does not matter how great or small the darkness is. We all have a choice of whether we feed the light or the dark, what we allow to grow in us. What are you going to choose, Danielle? It’s easy to live in the darkness, but like I once told you, I know you are fighting for the light. You have to keep fighting.”
I lifted my head slightly, “But what if I can’t do it? What if I just turn back into the same person I am today?”
“You will fall, you will backslide. You might wind up here again or worse off. No matter what point you are at in your life, you have to decide whether you are going to give up, and give in. You have to decide if you are going to be defeated or if you are going to beat back the storm time and time again until you are the one who ultimately controls the storms. You need to be resilient and strong, and those are the two things I’ve seen in you more than any other person I have encountered in my life. I know you have it in you, you just need to harness that strength.”
“You’re much nicer when you’re not my doctor,” I said, wiping my tears.
“Well,” she said, wiping a stray tear from her own face, “I have an unusual soft spot for you.”
“So where do I even begin?”
“Stay here a while. Work with Lawrence and the others. See what they have to offer. I know everyone’s road is not the same, and maybe you won’t connect with everyone or anyone here, but I truly believe that you will gain something, if not a lot, from them. I’ve worked with Lawrence for years on several cases. He’s no doctor, but he has an understanding of life I’ve yet to fully grasp myself. He can help people like you put their lives back together.”
“What if I hurt someone?” I asked.
“That’s one of the reasons I want you here. Lawrence can be that safety net you need for now. If you hurt someone, he can heal them if you are not able. He can help you develop that part of you.”
“You think he heals the same way I heal?”
“Maybe not exactly the same, but I know he has helped people get in touch and control all kinds of gifts, whether he possessed them or not.”
“I’ll try. No promises.”
“That’s fine. That’s all I ask.”
I took a long sigh, “Anyway, how have you been? How’s your daughter. . . What was her name?”
“Uh, Stephanie,” she said quickly, “Her name is Stephanie. She’s good. She was able to start back at school and finish her hours as a teacher’s assistant. Now, she’s looking to get a job in Crosswoods, that’s where she was TA-ing, and they seemed to really like her there.”
“A teacher, huh? I bet that job sucks.”
“Not as much as being a psychiatrist,” she replied.
“I never understood your sense of humor,” I said, laughing. “I wonder if I’ll ever have a normal job.”
“Well, one of the requirements for living here is working. Lawrence will place you in a job.”
“But I hate working,” I whined.
“Danielle, you don’t even know what work is. You’ve never had a job.”
“Yes, but knowing the little I know about Law, I will be working in an old people home, a hospital, or like feeding the hungry or disenfranchised youth.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
It turned out to be working with old people. Yes, cleaning up after old people, janitorial work, helping in the kitchen, and feeding them. I hated it. Compared to the thousands I could make in one night, the minimum wage I brought home gave me no aspirations for future possessions or vacations. I calculated that if I worked my full forty hours a week and spent zero dollars, I would have enough to buy a plane ticket to the other side of the state.
Law sensed my disgruntled demeanor, as I joined him in an empty common area for our first session together. He had all the furniture pushed back and two yoga mats laid out next to each other on the hardwood floors.
“You seem dissatisfied,” he said as I sat down.
“In what part of my lifestyle is it that I would find satisfaction?” I asked, “Is it waking up at five thirty every day, living with ten other people- most of whom I can’t stand- cleaning up shit all day, having no money, having no possessions, or being a psychopath?”
“Perhaps it would be having a warm meal every day, the company of people who care about you,
