“I don’t believe you,” she said, sitting up and leaning towards me to look at the card. I felt her hair run across my wrist as she glanced at it. She turned her face toward me, so we were inches apart. “Would you look at that, it is the four of diamonds.”
“Yeah,” I said with a grin.
“I think you should kiss me,” she said, as she leaned towards my ear.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said, leaning back.
“You’re lying,” she whispered.
She placed her hand to the right side of my face and pulled me to her. She kissed me once softly and looked up at me.
“Not so bad,” she said.
“Maybe we shouldn’t,” I said, grabbing her hand and pulling it down from my face.
“No?” she said, putting her lips millimeters from mine, “Then tell me to stop.”
Her lips grazed mine and mine reached for hers. She crawled on top of me and continued kissing me. My hands pulled her hips towards me, wanting more. She pulled her shirt off over her head, revealing a black lace bra. She had clearly planned this. I leaned her back on the bed and crawled on top of her, kissing the side of her neck, collar bone, and chest. She ran her hands through my hair.
“Do you want to have sex with me?” she asked, between breaths.
“Yeah,” I said, thinking the answer was understood.
I continued kissing her neck and I felt her hands move to the front of me and press against my shoulders. My right hand gripped the side of her waist and she turned her head away from me.
“Slow down,” she said, almost inaudibly. I slowed what I was doing and loosened my grip on her. I pulled her face up towards mine to kiss me, she started to kiss me back momentarily, then immediately became absent. She pushed me back and I halted.
“Stop, just stop,” she said. I sat back on the bed away from her.
“Are you okay?” I asked, surveying her composure and noticing she was shaking dramatically.
“No,” she said and let out a mild laugh of embarrassment.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, reaching for her hand.
“Please don’t touch me,” she said, pulling her hand away and waving it in front of me. “I’m so sorry.”
She began to get up and fix her appearance.
“Wait, did I do something wrong? I’m sorry—” I began.
“No,” she said, continuing to prepare to leave.
“Please just tell me what I did wrong,” I said, lightly reaching for her once more. She aggressively avoided my hand.
“Your touch, Danielle. When you touch me. It doesn’t feel good. It feels .sick,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, I know it’s probably part of your gift, but I can’t stand it. When you touch me, I feel unsafe. I feel like you’re going to hurt me or like there’s something inside of you that wants to hurt me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, unable to imagine what that must feel like. I felt my cheeks light up red in embarrassment and I cast my face down to hide my shame.
“It’s fine. Don’t even worry about it. We just won’t say anything to anyone,” she said, as she hastened to gather her things.
“Okay. . .” I replied, as she rushed out the door without another word. I sat wondering what had just occurred and why she was leaving her own room. She could’ve just asked me to leave. Was she that repulsed by me?
Unsure of what to do with the remainder of the hour we had scheduled, I slipped into my room for a nap. It was midafternoon by now. We would eat, and then I’d meet with Jude, and finish my evening with Caleb and Law. I expected the extreme awkwardness that would occur working with Jude. I was not thrilled at the prospect, but since I’ve been at the house with these people, I had been known to misjudge.
My natural reaction was to despise Jude. The thought of learning from a parasite was near repulsive. I tried to stifle that disgust, though I knew my indignation would show through around him. I was attempting not to judge him. I know I, myself, did not choose to be the way I was; I’m sure he didn’t either. I just couldn’t help but look for Christian in him. He had mentioned smuggling things for people and all I could imagine was sex trafficking like they did to Caro. I wondered if he was a pedophile like Christian, if he preyed on children that he smuggled. Did he even smuggle children? I asked myself this, attempting not to allow my mind to get away from me.
After my nap, we met downstairs for a meatloaf dinner. Throughout dinner, I participated in casual conversation about the day with the majority of the table and dodged awkward glances from Rebecca. Following dinner, I did my part in cleanup. I intentionally drug my feet while washing the dishes. The clock was going on seven and I was scheduled to meet with Caleb and Law at eight. If I could just eat into my time with Jude a little, perhaps it would diminish some of the awkward time I would spend with him.
“Hey,” Caleb said, popping his head into the kitchen.
“Oh, hey. What’s up?”
“Aren’t you scheduled to meet with Jude now?”
“Yeah, I just wanted to finish up in here first,” I said, cleaning that last pot for the third time.
“Well, I wouldn’t want you to be late. I can finish up for you,” Caleb helpfully, but he did so with a clear expression that he knew the reason for my delay.
“Ah, yes, of course,” I said, placing the last pot in the dish rack, “No need. I’m all done in here.”
I walked past Caleb and went to my room to throw on some ‘comfortable workout clothes and tennis shoes’ as Jude had suggested in our morning itinerary
