“What noncriminal act could be anywhere close to killing someone?”
“I would tell you, but I don’t think you would quite understand at this point in your life. Maybe I will tell you someday, if you stick around.”
“I intend to,” I said, letting him out of the obligation to answer the question. “Something is changing in me by being here. It’s like getting my life back or getting control of my life for the first time. I want more of that.”
“Well, since you say you intend to stay, I won’t feel like I’m imposing too much by giving you this,” Law said, sliding one of his beepers across the table. It had my name on it.
“I don’t know much about technology, but surely you know these aren’t ideal for emergencies,” I said, holding it up in the air, “Not that I don’t appreciate being part of the gang.”
“It’s not exactly like the beeper you might be accustomed to. We can send messages instantly to everyone in the network. Mostly it’s for tracking, making sure we’re all safe.”
“Well, thank you.”
Chapter Fifteen
Casting Shadows
As my time at the house continued, I became a sponge for knowledge. I wanted to know everything they had spent years learning. I needed to learn how they conquered their demons, how they controlled their gifts, how they grew. I trained as hard as I could. I woke up at four in the morning every day and ran. This drove Tanya crazy because every time I let my shadow out, she could hear its screams as she slept. Over time my shadow became softer, more disciplined. It began to heed some of my commands. When I trained with Jude, it still tried to have a go at him every time his shadow showed itself. It became slightly more playful than vicious. I met with Joyce on the weekends. She began to have therapy sessions with me, as well as the rest of the house. The sessions helped me take all the chaos in my mind and organize it into drawers so it didn’t simultaneously swarm about my mind. I was gaining clarity. I was beginning to connect the dots in my consciousness. I was feeling strong.
“I’m curious about something and I think you’re the only one who can help explain it to me,” I said to Jude as we stretched outside of the house one Saturday evening.
“What’s that?”
“My shadow. Sometimes I feel it inside of me and sometimes it’s separate but I still feel it. But, sometimes I can feel it inside me but not my physical body. How many parts and variations of this thing are there? How does it work?”
“That was probably the worst explanation I’ve ever heard, but I think I understand what you’re asking. Now, I know that our gifts are different, but I think I can explain how yours works. Here,” he went over and grabbed two leaves, a live one and a dead one, and two rocks, a big one and a small one.
“What are these for?”
“Think of it this way. This big rock is your physical body. This little rock is your consciousness or your absolute soul. Let’s say this dead leaf is your red shadow and this live leaf is your blue shadow. Generally, they are one vessel,” he said, stacking them on top of each other, “This is like homeostasis. All is well in the world. Generally, your shadows exist as energy, but with concentrated emotion, they manifest as phantoms. When your trigger word is used, your red shadow controls your physical body and when we exhaust your shadow, the phantoms become separate,” he said, placing the dead leaf off to the side, “Now, your consciousness can still align with it. It’s almost like a worker for you, depending how much control you have.” This idea reminded me of the time I attacked Christian.
“However, I’m sure you’ve noticed sometimes it - as well as your blue shadow - will just go off and do whatever they want. Now, alternatively, your absolute soul can also embody that phantom, leaving your physical body behind. If you embody your phantom, you’ll notice that you are not visible to the rest of the natural world.” I began to think of the time I took Abel’s life. “Now, phantoms have very little tangible strength. They generally can only manifest a short reflex, like a light hit or grab. Separate from the body, they’re mostly energy, they can alter energy but not necessarily objects. That’s generally, not always, I’ve seen my shadow do some pretty bizarre things. For living things, they can confine their energy, drain their energy or life or, conversely, instill energy or life.”
I looked at him a bit confused, running through the options in my mind.
“Sometimes I can see my shadow, like across the room. It’s like I’m there with it one second and then I’m not.”
“What you’re thinking of is shadow casting. Now, I don’t have the ability to do it, but I’ve heard that Dual Souls do. It’s so cool; it’s basically like momentary teleportation. Your physical body shoots into your phantom,” he said, moving the big rock over the dead leaf and back, “it creates a physical action, and then transfers back.”
“And our shadows?”
“They can interact with each other physically and with ourselves, to an extent.”
“This all kind of makes sense. I just feel like all the things I can do only happen unintentionally. I just wish I could control these things more.”
“You’re getting better. It’s all about controlling your emotions. Like they say, if you don’t control your emotions, they will control you. It takes a lot of discipline, but you’re making a lot of progress.”
The idea of shadow casting became exceptionally intriguing
