“I’m so sorry.”
“No need to be sorry. I grew up with a good family,” he says, but he doesn’t look at me. “It’s one of those times when you want to feel sad, but they gave me something I never thought I’d have—a chance at a future. And then his dad …” His words taper off into nothing, the silence hanging heavy around us.
“His dad …?”
Ahren stares out across the vista, his jaw ticking as he grinds his teeth. Shit. I always put my foot in it. I shouldn’t have asked, but I can’t help wanting to know about him. And his brother.
“He was killed. That ain’t my story to tell though.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I think it’s best you talk to Elian about his folks.” There’s a sadness in his words. It’s raw and painful. “He likes you. I haven’t seen him so torn up about a woman before.”
“I’m hardly a woman.” I don’t at all think I am. I’m nineteen, repeating my senior year, and I’m still reeling from the past. Being an adult is hard, and I wish I could be a little girl with my mom and dad making all my decisions.
“That’s how we both see you. I think if he could swap places with me right now, he would,” Ahren says, and that’s when he glances over his shoulder at me.
“Why didn’t he ask me then?” I question. It’s whispered, but Ahren is sitting close to me, so I know he heard.
“My brother isn’t the easiest person to be around, and he thought I would be able to explain it better. I do like you, ever since I first saw you.” There’s a rawness in his words, a truth I wasn’t expecting.
“Ahren, this is strange. I feel like I’m a pawn in a game being shifted back and forth over the chessboard. It’s as if you’re toying with me by kissing me and then expecting me to be okay with Elian wanting me.” Even as I say the words, I wonder if I mean them. Because if I had to be honest, I did like kissing Ahren. He’s the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome as well as being inked from shoulder to wrist, and I do like him. “I just … I don’t know how this will work. I mean emotionally I’m already a mess.”
This time, he chuckles, shaking his head as he loops his arm around my neck to pull me closer to him. “It’s going to be okay,” he tells me. “I’m sorry I kissed you. I really should’ve waited, perhaps explained before I did that. And I’m really sorry for being an asshole and just making you feel like you’re some chess piece, because you’re not.” He presses a chaste kiss to my cheek. “I do like you. And so does Elian. You’ve told me you want him, which is fine. But I do want to be friends. I could be the big brother you never had.”
“I’m not sure I can do this.” My whisper gets lost in his shirt. I’m torn. My heart feels as if it’s raging in a tug of war. One side I have Elian, and the other, I have Ahren. This isn’t some one-night stand that’s never going to hurt me. Perhaps I am growing up, because if this had happened a year ago, I would’ve jumped at the chance.
“You don’t have to make any lasting decisions tonight.” His voice is calm, cool, and it settles my erratic heartbeat with his words. “You can mull over your choices, think about it. I just needed you to know that I do like you, and I would love to get to know you, to learn who you are.”
“You should’ve led with that.” A small smile appears on my lips.
“I just needed you to know that I’m not trying to cheat my brother out of your affections, and he’s not doing that to me,” he admits, his eyes holding mine, keeping me entranced by his expression. “And if you did choose me, decide to try this” — he waves his hand between us — “I can assure you that you’ll never want for anything.”
I nod. “And if I choose Elian?”
“It would be the same. Except, instead of waking up to brown eyes and a sexier body, you’d wake up to blue eyes and an older man.” This makes us both laugh out loud. They are very different. But that’s what makes them both so unique, so appealing.
“I need to wrap my head around it.” I sigh. “I’m not …” My words taper off into nothing because I’m at a loss for words. My past is dotted with mistakes. At nineteen, you’d think I’d been a lost cause.
“It’s okay,” Ahren says. Lacing his fingers through mine, he pulls my hand up to place a kiss on my knuckles. “It takes time to get used to the two of us.” He doesn’t say anything more, and we sit in silence watching the glittering lights of my new hometown sparkle before us.
I wonder as I sit there just how many other secrets are hidden within the walls of each and every house. And that causes me to ponder just what secrets lie within the walls of the Donati household that Ahren didn’t want to talk about.
11
HIM
THE PRESENT
Excitement thrums through my veins. Knowing she’s alone in her bedroom with those tiny shorts and tight little tank top that has my body alert. Thankfully, the darkness swallows me whole as I move closer to the window. Watching her has become my new pastime, a need that I quench every moment of the day.
I like the way she sways her hips,
