‘I need to talk to you, Min,’ she said.
‘OK. But, like, no more huge revelations, OK? I can’t deal with it. Like, are you going to tell me you’re a man or something? If you are, can you delay it ’til Bean’s born? Keep a lid on the stress? I’m really trying to convince Bean she’s going to come into a boring, regular family who are just, y’know, a family without dramas, nothing extra. I talk to her all the time.’
‘You are going to be such a beautiful mum, Min. Look at you doing it already, looking out for her,’ Hope said.
‘Yeah, well. You do, don’t you, if you love your kid, you know that.’ Minnie touched her mum’s hand.
‘I just want to say a couple of things, Min, that’s all. There’s going to be a trial, pretty sure of that, so before it all gets out of our control, I want to be sure you know some stuff. First, the request is here for you to meet Anna and Julius. Feels weird even saying their names …’
‘I know.’
‘And listen, Min, I’ve been thinking that you might be avoiding meeting them to sort of spare my feelings … and you really don’t have to do that. I’m the one who made all the decisions about this. Not you. Not them. So, I am the one who should sit with all the wrongness of it, not you. You are fully entitled – hear me now, FULLY ENTITLED – to meet your biological parents. Truly. It’s natural curiosity. I am the one who has to deal with who I was, what I did, and what I’ve become. We are all the result of every choice we make, and I’ve had years to make friends with what I did. I’m OK with it. I’d even go so far as to say I don’t regret it. I really don’t. The only remorse I have is for their pain. They lost out on you, and I did that. For that alone, I will hold my hand up, hold my head up, and take whatever’s coming my way. But for having you in my life? No regrets. Not one.’
‘Oh Mum.’ Minnie started to weep.
‘I’ll cope, Minnie Moo, I will, because look at us: I know what it is to have love, and to give it. I know the sweetness of it. I know now, more than ever, what it’s like when love lives in you, and you are the one who’s taught me all of it. Little mighty Minnie, full of light and love. You are the best blessing, such a gift, and I’m never going to be sorry you ’n’ me built our home, our life together. This was not your secret, not your lie, but it is your life, and you must grab it, Min. Everything about it. They are part of your story. They deserve to know you too. They do. They should feel the power of all the goodness in you, just like all of us who know you do.
‘And y’know what? I ain’t threatened by them. Know that. I am your mother. I always will be. I’m sure of the love, darlin’, and I know you are. That’s our foundation, isn’t it? It’s solid. You can rely on it like the air you breathe and the ground you walk on. It won’t change. Not going to be toppled. Reinforced. That’s us. Like concrete, my love. Going nowhere. Me ’n’ you. Heart to heart. The mother line. Unbreakable. Got it, child?’
Minnie was bursting. She was stuffed with love, fed to her for her whole life from this magnificent woman, who never failed to fill her up with nutritious care, and was now making sure she had a delicious pudding of devotion, to be sure she’d eaten her fill. No hunger whatsoever. No need. No question. No want. All truth.
‘I’m scared, Mum.’
‘I bet.’
‘I won’t know how to live without you for comfort. You always make it OK.’
‘That’s my job, sweet cheeks.’
‘I don’t know them. I’m not from them. I’m from you.’
‘Yes. You are. Which is exactly why you will deal with it. Besides, you know the first rule of Wawa club?’
‘What?’
‘Never doubt the Wawa.’
And with that, Hope underpinned Minnie with her honest and huge mother-love, forever.
1 January 2018
Dear Daughter,
Cushah! So today is your eighteenth birthday. Little Minnie grows up! How did all these years flow past without me noticing? I feel cheated that I haven’t been able to see you grow into your adult skin, but it was my choice to go, so I have no one to blame but myself, and believe me, I do that all the time.
Do you drive a car yet? I’d love to know. Your mother and I had an old Honda Civic years ago. I can recommend them: they might rust, but they keep going. We brought you home from the hospital in it, eighteen years ago. I wish I was the one to teach you how to drive. I am patient and prepared to die. That is a joke, which is also not a joke!
Minnie, I am determined to make a plan to see you sometime soon, but I don’t want to upset Hope or you or anyone you love, so I will stay here unless I hear from you. I have no idea whether you have ever seen any of the letters I’ve written over the years. I have left that decision to Hope. It’s the least I could do. On the back of this letter I have written my details
