Anna knew that Hope meant it, that this was the most real apology Hope would ever make and that, should she accept it, it would be the most important allowance both she and Hope would ever know in their respective lifetimes.
The two women were utterly conjoined in this key decision. It was a testing moment of supreme forgiveness that could open a future up for both of them.
Anna’s hurt was ancient, familiar, righteous and hard to let go of. How ironic that her emotional skeleton was made of pain, the very stuff that would not support her – it couldn’t. Pain is not galvanizing, it’s corrosive, so she would eventually rust. It was already happening and she knew it. All the parts of her held together by pain were deteriorating. She needed new reinforcement if she was going to claim her future without alcohol or sleeping pills or fear or endless crying.
Anna needed to bestow this forgiveness.
And mean it.
‘The sad truth is that it’s probably true. Your home may well have been better than mine,’ she said, ‘but that didn’t give you the right to steal my happiness. She was my way out. Without her I was lost again. Just like before her. I got stuck eighteen years ago when you took her … but I’m not stuck any more, Hope. I’m here, in front of you. And, thank you, God or whoever makes love happen, I don’t hate you. Not at all. I’m grateful to you. Not for taking her. Not that. But for raising her in love. So, here’s the thing, I can forgive you, Hope, but you have to help me.’
‘Help you?’ Hope was confused.
‘Help me to know her. She’s related to me, but she has a relationship with you. Of course. May I have your permission to build a relationship with her, if she wants it?’
Hope knew, in that moment, that Anna was remarkable. A rightful mother. She reached out over the table and touched Anna’s hand. The guard shook her finger. Hope retracted her hand.
She said, ‘She definitely wants it, Anna. She really liked you when you met. Julius worried her – I’m not going to lie …’
‘I know, but she can take or leave as much of him as she likes. He’s not a bad man, he’s just fantastically self-centred. Harmless really, so long as you keep a distance … He’s like a budgie: loads of talk, until it sees a mirror.’
Hope burst out laughing at that. So did Anna, who said, ‘Can I buy you a coffee?’
‘Yes, please,’ said Hope, ‘and a biscuit, please.’
‘Just one?’
‘Yep. I had an snackident this morning.’
‘What?’
‘Y’know, when you inadvertently scoff a whole packet of custard creams when you only intended to have the one? That was my week’s allowance …’
Anna smiled broadly. She liked Hope. How did this happen? She actually LIKED her.
When Anna returned to the table with the coffees and many biscuits, Hope had some things to say.
‘Look, Anna, you say you need my help. Well, I will do everything I can for you, truly, but I need your help too.’
‘Anything,’ Anna offered. And meant it.
‘I don’t want Min to visit me. She’s not so well at the moment. She’s got this weird thing called coarctation of the aorta. It means—’
‘I know what it means. Julius had it as a kid. It was corrected. Shit, poor Minnie.’
‘Right, yes, that explains a lot. You know she’s having a baby?’
‘Yes.’
‘So she needs to stop stressing herself out thinking about coming here; she needs to stay at home with Lee and rest. She could get into serious trouble with it as the pregnancy goes on. My mum’s there, and her auntie, but … she could do with a mum? Can you keep an eye out? And maybe be there when Bean is born?’
‘Bean?’
‘Yeah, I know.’ Hope chuckled.
‘’S cute.’
‘Yeah. I’m thinking that I never want Bean to come here. See me like this. But anyway, listen, can you? Be there? And let me know how she really is? Everyone’s fudging it at the moment, protecting me. I don’t need that.’
‘You want me to be her mum for you?’
‘Yes.’
‘There is literally nothing I want more,’ Anna replied quietly. ‘You can rely on me, Hope. I will take the best care of her I can. I’m not experienced like you, but I will do my very best – know that.’
‘I know already. Thank you. I can do this because of you.’
It was a truth, an endless sureness.
A perfect forgiveness.
Mother to mother.
‘You will never regret it,’ said Hope. ‘You made an extraordinary ray. There’s no one like her.’
To leave Hope there was a dreadful wrench.
Hope was strong. Hope was courageous.
But how does anyone deal with what she was going to face now for so long? It wasn’t so much the incarceration, it was the primal tear away from Minnie that would be so crushing.
Her words rang in Anna’s ears as she left: ‘I can do this because of you …’
As Anna left the prison, she felt elated and perturbed. For the first time in eighteen years, she knew her purpose and was determined to fulfil it. For Minnie, for Hope, for Bean and for herself.
Minnie in Hospital
As per Hope’s request, Anna immediately contacted Minnie after her visit to the prison, and she was so glad she did, because Minnie was in trouble. Minnie had been admitted to hospital at twenty-eight weeks pregnant. She’d collapsed at home the night before Hope’s trial, but hadn’t wanted to tell her. She’d given Hope a version of the truth on the phone, but omitted to tell her the whole truth. Not the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, as Hope would’ve sworn in court. Instead, a bit of the truth. Enough for Hope to be informed but not to further burden her, because, after all, what could she do?
Anna went to see Minnie in the hospital. After fairly awkward, tearful
