‘Let’s see what they say.’ Getting her phone, she calls the number.
I let her make the call, overwhelmed with gratitude that she cares enough to help me. After she finishes talking on the phone, she looks at me. ‘We need to take ID but it’s fixed for tomorrow morning at half-past ten. Is that OK with you?’
I nod, both terrified and overcome by the most profound relief.
*
The following morning, Zoe makes me breakfast and fusses around me. ‘Jess? Please let your mum know we’re all thinking of her and hoping she’s soon home. OK?’
As I nod, she goes on. ‘And I know you’re free to go home now, but if you’d rather, you’re still welcome to stay here as long as you want to.’
‘Thank you.’ There’s a lump in my throat. In a world that feels against me, there seems no end to Zoe’s kindness.
*
It isn’t long before Cath and I set off for Ashford, in Surrey, where Bronzefield is; the thought of seeing my mother a deceptive ray of brightness in looming clouds that haven’t quite reached us. But I don’t allow myself to think of the court case that lies ahead, only of the time I have left, in which to prove her innocence.
The roads are busy, the closer we get to London, the heavier the traffic, but at last we turn off the motorway and it isn’t long before the imposing exterior of the prison looms into view. Suddenly my nerves are back.
It’s as if Cath reads my mind. ‘Would you like me to come in with you? There must be somewhere I can wait while you go and talk to her.’
‘Thanks. If you don’t mind.’
Turning into the car park, she reverses into a parking space. ‘Of course I don’t.’ Switching off the engine, she turns to look at me, then says more quietly, ‘It will be OK, Jess.’
I’m silent. Right now, it’s hard to believe anything will ever be OK.
She gets out. ‘Shall we do this?’
As we walk across the car park, I don’t know what I’m expecting. I’m visiting a woman charged with murder, after all, but when we reach the visitors’ reception, we’re treated courteously as they check our ID, then go into a waiting area, but not for long. Only a short while later, I’m asked to make my way to the main building.
Leaving Cath where she is, I go outside, and round to the main entrance. After presenting photo ID, my biometrics are recorded, then I go through airport-like security, before I’m allowed through an electric door into the visitors’ hall.
Inside, I’m taken by surprise. It’s far more comfortable than I thought it would be, with soft chairs and a children’s play area. With only two or three other people in there, I find a couple of seats away from them, where I wait for my mother.
When she comes in, I almost don’t recognise her. As she walks towards me, her hair is lank, her skin dull, her eyes as though she’s closed herself up. But they light up the moment she sees me. ‘Mum …’ Jumping up, I want to run towards her but unsure what the protocol is, I force myself not to. She hurries towards me, then her arms are around me.
‘Are we allowed to hug?’ My eyes are filled with tears.
‘I don’t care.’ But keeping hold of my hand, she pulls away slightly. ‘Just in case. Sit down, Jess. Tell me how you are.’
‘I’m fine.’ Watching her soak up my presence, hanging on my every word, tears pour down my cheeks. ‘Really I am. I don’t know how long we have. I need you to fill me in about all the stuff I don’t know. I know you didn’t kill Matt. I’m not giving up until I find out who did.’
Her hand touches my cheek. ‘Sweet Jess.’ She’s silent.
‘Mum.’ My voice is urgent, insistent, the loudest whisper I can manage. ‘I’m your only hope. Please. Whatever it is you’re not saying. You have to tell me.’
A shadow crosses her face. ‘Please tell me the police are still searching for Matt?’
‘They have to be.’ Her words shock me. I hadn’t considered they might not be.
When she glances away, I know my hunch was right. There is something she’s been keeping from me. She meets my gaze. ‘I never wanted you to know any of this.’ When she hesitates, I’m filled with trepidation at what she’s about to say. ‘It’s all going to come out at some point. This is about far more than Matt.’ She looks stricken. ‘It goes back to what happened to your aunt. Kimberley.’
Looking at her, I frown. I’d always known that Kimberley had died tragically, at seventeen. But as she proceeds to tell me what really happened that day, and about Allie’s obsession with Kimberley’s boyfriend, Charlie, my jaw drops open. It’s the first I’ve heard of my aunt being poisoned. ‘The police thought Kimberley accidentally got hold of one of our grandmother’s remedies. It was described as a tragic accident. But it wasn’t. Only my grandmother knew what had really happened.’
I stare at her, shocked. ‘But you didn’t do it. Allie did. Surely the police must believe that?’
‘I think they do now.’ She pauses. ‘But I told too many lies, Jess. I was trying to hide the truth about what really happened to Kimberley, terrified that Allie would convince the police it was my fault. The last time I saw her, she swore that one day she’d be the one people would listen to – not me. And she is – she’s a lawyer now. There’s another thing …’ Breaking off again, she’s silent. ‘I couldn’t believe it when I found this out, but it turns out Allie was Matt’s other woman. The woman he was allegedly leaving me for.’
‘No way.’ Shocked, I’m thinking quickly. ‘That’s too weird to be a coincidence. Could she have made it all up?’
‘I don’t know what to think.’ My mother looks
