Jess
It’s Cath who drives me to Bronzefield. When we get there, I go to reception, but this time no-one goes in. Instead we wait a few minutes, before it’s my mother who walks out. She looks lighter, her eyes brighter. As I rush towards her, her arms wrap around me and in that moment, I never want to let go of her. Then as we walk arm in arm towards Cath’s car, she glances up at the sky just as the clouds part, the faintest trace of a smile crossing her face. But for the first time in as long as she can remember, she has no secrets to hide. At last, the nightmare is over.
2019
Eeny meeny miny mo, Amy or Fiona, who shall I choose? Does it matter? When whatever one of you did could incriminate both of you.
Then fate took a hand. After reading the magazine piece about Amy the herbalist, something snapped inside me. It took a while to trace where she was. To pick the right time, when Jess would be going away: to build up those social networks, so that when we met, it seemed the most natural thing in the world. Then came the next part, slowly homing in on you, the successful lawyer, knowing it was only a matter of time before that carefully constructed law career would come unpicked, so that when one thread was pulled, all of it would unravel; building you up enough, so that you’d know how it felt when you fell.
Only one of you killed Kimberley, but two of you kept the secret. I didn’t care if I hurt both of you. How do I know this? When Kimberley died, Charlie spent his time with her grandmother. United by grief, she told him what she knew. And Charlie told me. Why? We were so close, Charlie and I. He was my brother.
When you want something enough, you’ll do anything. Lie. Cheat. Cut a vein, letting enough blood leak out to fill a small cellophane bag. It isn’t difficult to make a bouquet. There’s a certain justice about the flowers being dropped, the splashes of blood on skin, over the floor. It will always be there. The tiniest, most invisible microdroplets of me.
The old lady needn’t have died. But Mrs Guthrie thought she saw me delivering the flowers in a van. Remained silent when I told her they were a surprise. But was too much of a risk, too easy to deceive about the smoke pouring from her chimney. It didn’t take much to block it off when she invited me in.
Trust made everything so easy. Amy’s unlocked phone, no password on her laptop. The notebook she left lying about. Stupid, naïve Amy was fair game. My turn for my actions to create ripples. It didn’t matter who I brought down first. I knew eventually, I’d get to both of you. It was that secret you kept. All it would take was for one of you to talk, then I knew the other would be unable to remain silent.
But just to be sure, I sent the anonymous letter. Mentioning you, Fiona, just to make sure you didn’t escape. But I could just as easily have mentioned Amy. As I’ve said before, it didn’t matter. If there’s any justice, the police will convict both of you.
How could either of you think I ever loved you? Ridiculous Amy who let me walk all over her? Let me abuse, control, stonewall her; be vile to her precious daughter. And you, Fiona … However smart you think you are, however good at summing people up, you missed one important detail. People like me can’t love.
The knife in the workshop with Amy’s fingerprints on it, all that blood waiting to be found, even though they’ll never find a body, the burned-out car. All of that was me. But this was never about me. This was always for Kimberley and Charlie.
As I said in the message. Kill one man and you are a murderer. But you were guilty collectively of killing not just one person. You ended the lives of several. Back then, you didn’t know you had the power to change my life forever. Your actions creating waves, losses multiplying; touching more lives than you ever knew.
Justice remaining unserved. Until now.
Jess
I thought with my mother home, we could carry on with our lives. But when the case of Kimberley’s murder goes to court, I’m at her side as she’s forced to relive the day her sister died all over again. Only when Fiona is found guilty, then sentenced, is it possible to think about moving on.
Even though Matt’s threats towards me are added to the charges against him, fear still hangs over me. I can’t shake the unease that one day in the future, when I’m alone somewhere, just as he said, he will find me.
One morning, when I’m tidying the kitchen, under a pile of bills, I find a folded-up piece of paper. Opening it, I start to read.
I promise to hold your hand, to steer you through life’s sorrow and darkness, on a path towards justice and hope. I will endeavour to know what’s best for you, to protect you from your past, help you build the future you deserve. Then when I can no longer be with you, a part of me will always be with you, watching over you. In the shadows of your heart, on the soft curves of your skin, in the longest forgotten corners of your mind.
Feeling myself shiver, I read it again. ‘Mum?’ I wave the piece of paper at her. ‘I just found this.’
Coming over, she
