Feeling a slight tremble in his touch took the sting from his gruffness. She put her hand on top of his, stilling him.
"I came because Chrischris wanted Cami here for some reason." Urgency kept her talking. "But I need to talk to you." She brought his hands down, holding them tightly in her grasp, keeping him in front of her. "I'm sorry about what happened. I hate that you are the one dealing with the consequences of what happened at the casino."
His body stiffened, and he frowned. Her pulse pounded, knowing she wasn't saying things right. That any apology wouldn't be enough for what she'd put him through.
"It should've been me who killed that man, not you," she whispered harshly.
"No." His gaze intensified.
She captured his hand again and held it. "But you did kill him, and now you have to live with what you've done. I never thought...I never thought of what I did to you by asking for help, and for that, I'm sorry. I can't undo what I've done—"
"I would've done it on my own." He let go of her hands and captured her face again. "Don't talk about it anymore. Just put it behind you."
That wasn't possible. Blood marked the ground because of her. Even the sun couldn't remove the stain, only harden it until it was a stain upon the earth.
"But, I—"
"Forget about it. Don't think or speak of it again." His hold on her tightened. "I want you to go home and forget you've ever met me."
Her chest squeezed tighter. As if slapped, she stepped back, disappointed in the way the conversation was going.
"Go get Cami and stay away from Tarkio."
In a last-ditch effort to stay connected to him, she said, "I work for a Tarkio member."
His gaze never wavered. "Then, stay away from me."
The strength in her legs wavered. Not understanding why he'd push her away, she couldn't move. She'd felt every inch of him. Enjoyed a night where she laid bare beside him.
She believed they'd connected in a way she'd never allowed another man to see her. He'd seen her at her worst. He'd seen her fear. He'd seen her pleasure. The pleasure he gave her.
He pointed at her, pounding in his point, and walked away, going back inside the clubhouse.
When he was gone, she folded at the waist, bracing her hands on her knees and gulped for air.
Chapter 12Paco
Chrischris pulled up to the curb a block away from Josie's apartment. Paco tossed his cigarette out into the street. He hadn't told anyone where he'd be going tonight.
Waiting for his MC brother to get off his Harley, he pulled his stocking cap down over his ears. The clouds had rolled in that afternoon, and despite it being spring, there was a chill in the air.
"Hey." Chrischris approached him. "I thought you were home. I didn't see you at the clubhouse earlier."
"Are you looking for me?"
"Nah, I called Cami and told her I was going to stop by and seen you sitting here by yourself." Chrischris looked down the block. "You know, her and Josie live at the end of the street?"
He gave a rat's ass what anyone did when they were off the clock for Tarkio. As long as Chrischris wasn't jeopardizing the club's freedom by seeing Cami, he had all the information he needed.
"I know." He patted his vest pocket, reaching for another smoke, and found the pack empty.
Chrischris checked his watch. "I need to go."
"Ride safe," mumbled Paco.
His MC brother rode away and parked out on the street in front of the apartments. He could see Chrischris walk toward Josie's door from his position, knowing Cami lived less than three feet away in the adjoining apartment.
He reached for his smokes and grew more frustrated, having forgotten he was out. Josie had him losing his head. Instead of sitting on his ass out on the street, he should be back at the clubhouse finishing his first bottle of whiskey and having sex with some faceless women willing to entertain him for a few hours.
A cop car came around the corner and passed him. The adrenaline high he usually got around law enforcement never came. If they pinned him down and arrested him for the crimes he'd committed, it'd at least get his ass off the street.
He was spiraling since walking out of Josie's apartment a couple of weeks ago. Fighting with himself on visiting her again or staying away.
Having her show up at the clubhouse only sent him off the rails. He needed to control his life and couldn't have her popping up when he wasn't expecting her. All his attention went to her, and in his current state dealing with the past after killing at the casino, he couldn't take the chance that he'd hurt her.
That would be the last thing he'd want to do.
She deserved to have a calm, reliable life where she could move around safely and not worry about anyone breaking her heart.
It was why he sat out on the street every fucking night.
He wasn't going to let Robert Shaw get another chance at her. An associate of Tarkio Motorcycle Club had gone to the casino two nights ago and reported back that Shaw was seen meandering the building as if losing three women and covering up a murder hadn't happened.
Three hours later, Chrischris walked to his motorcycle and rode off in the opposite direction. Paco looked up at the dark sky. The moon had moved above him.
Josie would be in bed, if not asleep. He grabbed the handlebar. His instinct to go to her left tension in his body. His life wasn't fit for another person.
There wasn't a line drawn between his responsibilities toward the club and having a woman by his side. Josie had enough ugliness in her past. He needed to shelter her from his. She had a real desire to find happiness.
He'd live with the guilt of his crimes he'd committed until he took his last breath.
She wasn't the kind of woman
