“You could see us at the bar,” he said, propping his head on his hand, “and yes, she did take my hand. Nothing more.” He brought his mouth to her ear, letting his heat warm her body. “And do you know what I said at that moment?”
He heard Lyse take a breath, but she didn’t release it. Just waited, waited.
“I told her I was taken.”
Her head came up so fast she clipped his chin. Wide eyes pleaded with him to be confirming his words.
“It’s true,” he said, rubbing his chin.
Her gaze dropped to his hand. “Sorry.”
He winked. “I’m tough; I can take it.”
“I know you can.” But her smile was weak. She shifted away from him. “I guess you don’t want… I mean…” Even in the dim light he could see the color wash over her cheeks.
He tipped her chin up until she met his eyes again. “I’m not rejecting you, Lyse.” He had a feeling she’d lived with a lot of that, though how anyone could miss her need for affection, he didn’t know.
You did.
Yes, he’d already established that he’d been an asshole.
“I’m not rejecting you,” he said again. “I just want to make sure this is right for you, not something you’re doing to…because you think you have to.” He let his hand trail over her shoulder to the narrow ridge of her spine. “You’re scared.”
“Of course I’m scared. I’ve never done this before. And you have. A lot.” The words had bite, but before he could address them, Lyse was out of the bed, walking across the small room, then back. Pacing. Her fist dug into her breastbone, rubbing at the scar.
He sat up and scooted to the edge, trying to ignore the way her pale skin gleamed in the darkened room, how her legs looked below the hem of the T-shirt she wore. He did fine; his dick, not so much.
Lyse wasn’t needin’ his words; she was needin’ his ears. So he waited as she paced for a couple of minutes, back and forth, back and forth, before coming to a stop just out of reach. That hand kept rubbing, shouting more loudly than words the emotions churning inside her. He fisted his hands in the blankets, wanting to reach for her but not sure she’d let him touch.
“You know my mother gave me away.”
He took a careful breath. “I know.”
“My foster parents…they were good people. They did so much to get me better. Healthy. They paid so much.” The last word trailed off, and Lyse cleared her throat.
He barely held back from reaching for her.
“I always felt like I had to be the best for them, have the highest grades, be the model daughter. It wasn’t anything they said, but they’d done…so much. I felt like I had to live up to that, make up for it.”
Like she had to be earning their love.
Holy shit. Was she thinking she had to have sex or he wouldn’t be staying with her?
“I was never really normal—the heart thing, the nerd thing,” she said. A little laugh escaped. “I mean, I graduated high school at thirteen. That’s not normal.”
“But they had to be proud of you, Lyse.” Who wouldn’t be?
“They were. I knew they were. The problem wasn’t them; it was my own head.” Her arms crossed over her stomach, holding tight. “I didn’t want to risk them not wanting me.”
“And now you’re thinkin’, because of everything that’s happened, that sleeping with me will keep me wanting you?”
She sniffled. “That sounds stupid. Like the only reason I’d want to have sex with you is to force you to stay with me.”
It didn’t sound stupid; it sounded insecure. He hadn’t realized just how insecure she felt until that moment. So many wounds that needed healing.
He angled his legs open, held out a hand to her. “C’mere, love.”
She did, slowly, easing closer like a wary animal. Afraid of rejection. Embarrassed to reveal her inadequacies. Every person had them, but talking about them…never easy.
When she got close enough, he took her hand and yanked her into him. He couldn’t wait another second to hold her against him, to smother this woman in warmth and acceptance and…caring, maybe. Not love—what the feck did he know about love?—but Christ, he cared about her, always had, even when he’d thought she’d tried to kill him. He wouldn’t have been so angry otherwise.
Her body was so small in his arms, petite, but with padding in all the right places. She didn’t feel like bones—her breasts mounded against his chest, and her ass… He groaned. Two handfuls of plump flesh he couldn’t wait to get in his grip. But for now he simply wound his arms around her like chains and refused to let go.
“I don’t think I’m going to be any good at this,” she said, the words muffled into his neck.
If she was any better at turning him on, he might have a problem with endurance. God’s truth. “Lyse, you breathe and I want you. Right now I’m having a time not pulling you under me and showing you exactly how good we could be together. All you have to do is show up, love. Everything else will happen as it’s supposed to.” He’d be making sure of it.
“Then why haven’t you…”
He eased back so he could see her face. “Why haven’t we had sex yet?”
She bit her bottom lip, the white of her teeth shining in the dark. Nodded.
He pulled the flesh from her bite and rubbed his thumb along the bruised curve of her lip. “I guess I wanted it to be perfect for you. Like you must’ve imagined it would be after all this time.”
A little laugh escaped her. “I don’t think we’re going to get more perfect than you
