When she reached the park, she stopped to sit on a bench withinsight of the playground but far enough away to avoid having to interact witheither of the two women watching over their children. One of the kids, afair-haired little girl, ran to the slide, and Jacqueline swallowed hard when agrin lit up her face. Though she knew the resemblance wasn’t that close, thegirl suddenly reminded Jacqueline of Elle. She’d reacted so badly when Caseyhad brought her up earlier. But she couldn’t have stopped the rage and painthat had boiled up in her if she’d tried.
When Sean was ten, Casey had begun talking about fosteringanother child. Jacqueline took a bit more convincing, but eventually she’drelented. After all, if Casey really thought she could handle two kids whileJacqueline was out of town, who was she to tell her otherwise?
They’d taken the necessary steps to renew their status as fosterparents, and within months, they’d taken in Elle. She’d been a joy from dayone—a bright and bubbly five-year-old and so trusting for a girl who’d had arough start. Her friendly smile and unending optimism had reminded Jacquelineso much of Casey when they’d first met. She’d fallen in love immediately. Andso had Casey and Sean.
Elle had been with them for just over a year. Thirteen months—thefirst six of which were full of tumultuous supervised visits with her birthmother, which only made Jacqueline want to draw Elle closer and hide her away.When, before every meeting, Elle had started to beg them not to make her go,and to cry afterward, Jacqueline had pled with their caseworker to get them acourt date. She wanted the woman’s parental rights terminated and Elle withthem permanently. The caseworker assured them she was doing what she could“within the system” but that Elle’s mother hadn’t proved herself unredeemable.
In fact, during the next several months, her visits transitionedfrom supervised to unsupervised. When they were told the mother had beengranted a weekend visitation, Jacqueline had tried to refuse. She wouldn’t letthat woman take her baby for two whole days to a place she’d never seen and wassupposed to accept based on the caseworker’s word that Elle was safe. In theend, she’d helplessly let her go for the weekend. She hadn’t thought she couldfeel more powerless, but then the system had given Elle back to her birthmother for good.
You are thechild’s protector. The concept had been drilled into her head yearsago, before Sean, during the required parenting classes. Above all else, thesafety and welfare of the child should be her priority. And it was. She’d takenthose words as an oath and would have ripped herself apart to protect Sean andElle. In fact, on some levels she had. She’d certainly destroyed herrelationship in the aftermath.
She’d known that Sean missed Elle and didn’t really understandwhat had happened. But she’d been so unable to deal with her own grief thatshe’d basically left comforting Sean to Casey. And though Casey certainly hadher own emotions to deal with, Jacqueline blamed Casey for bringing theheartache upon all of them by talking her into fostering again. For a whileafterward, she hadn’t missed an opportunity to remind Casey that it had beenher idea.
Losing Elle hadn’t caused their breakup, but it had certainlypiled on to the problems they’d already been having. They hadn’t lasted evenanother year after that.
Jacqueline stood, careful not to look at the little girl again.She headed out the other side of the park, away from home. Thinking about Ellehad ripped open old wounds, and she couldn’t go near either Casey or her fatheruntil she’d put those feelings back where they belonged.
*
Forty-five minutes later, she turned the corner onto Casey’sstreet—her old street. She’d wandered the neighborhood long enough to getherself under control, purposely shutting out any hint of nostalgia.
But when she stopped in front of the house and saw Casey sittingon the top step of the front porch, a fresh wave of emotion swept over her. Shestill didn’t want to talk about Elle or the many other complicated issues thather father’s aging and spending time around Casey were bringing up. But she couldapologize for how she’d acted. That much she did owe Casey.
“Hey.” Casey gave her a small smile. She’d planted her feet twosteps below her butt, and she rested her elbows on her slightly raised knees.She held a beer bottle in one hand, her wrist swinging loose.
“I’m sorry. For blowing up and for taking off. Not that it’s anexcuse, but I’ve been over there with him nonstop for the past two days, andhe’s driving me a little nuts.”
“And maybe you’re a bit stir-crazy. Assuming you didn’t work overthe weekend, it’s been five days, hasn’t it? How long has it been since youspent this many days away from work?”
Jacqueline nodded, admitting Casey might be onto something. Sincethey’d split up, she’d taken only one vacation. Even then, she took her laptopon the weeklong trip to the beach and worked from her resort-hotel room.
“Did I completely miss dinner, then?”
“You did. And Teddy forced me to take most of the leftovers.”Casey nodded to a container on a chair behind her. “He said if you were goingto act like a child you could eat peanut butter and jelly for all he cared.”
Jacqueline rolled her eyes. “Sounds like him. Do you want toshare some of that?” Suddenly she was starving, and either she could smell thefood or seeing it had made her imagine she could.
“Grab a fork from the kitchen and it’s all yours.”
Jacqueline hurried inside, intentionally not lingering inside herold house long enough to let her emotions get out of control again, thenreturned just as quickly. She scooped up the food, then settled on the stepnext to Casey and opened the lid. She inhaled deeply, practically tasting thespicy flavors as she drew in the scent. “I really do love Pad Thai.”
“That’s why him sending me away with the food was a greatpunishment.”
Jacqueline
